on the sorry state of affairs in many games out there

[kforkickass]

You see?

This is what happens when you let the cat out of the bag. It makes a toilet out of your rug, spreads the litter all over the kitchen floor, rubs on everything in sight, it invites its friends over for a little roll on the sofa, and before you know it your house qualifies as a toxic wasteland on 19 planets.

We do not let the people of Earth know about you-know-what. Do I make myself clear?

Thank you. Now let's get back to work, I've got a mess on my hands that I don't get paid nearly enough to clean up.

And I mean that literally. For future reference, you do not want to be in the vicinity of an imploding Ballchinian.

Comments

[gottaseethemall]

If it's out of the bag, the cat can also run to a neighbor's house, be considered a sign of good luck, getting a religion started around him and rule the Turcana galaxy under a paw of steel.

[kforkickass]

That's true. We just narrowly averted the crusade of the Grasshopperkin about twenty years back.

But we'd prefer to keep this under wraps, if at all possible.

[gottaseethemall]

Everythign is possible! However, when it comes to the mundanes and these games, keeping stuff in secret is a bit useless. Unles you want the Atlantis all over again.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Are you talking about a cat or a chinchilla?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Exactly how much do you get paid?

[Inquiring minds would like to know. Also: Scrad.]

[kforkickass]

A cat. Did I say chinchilla? No I did not. Maybe you need an eye exam.

[kforkickass]

It's a company secret.

[kforkickass]

This is one of those cosmic games, is it? And we're the pawns.

Can't say I haven't heard that one before.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I thought Ballchinian was a weird word for chinchilla.

If it's your cat's name, it's a really dumb name.

[kforkickass]

My cat's name is Stanley, thank you very much.

And a Ballchinian is something you don't want to know about. Trust me. It's as disgusting as it sounds.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

So basically zilch?

[Charlie suggests.]

[gottaseethemall]

We've always been pawns, Agent K, in the big game of time and space. We're our mun's pawns, and they're the internet pawns, which is at teh same time a pawn of electricity, and electricity is a pawn of Baltians' mood when delaing with Earth. Or Thor's hammer.

[kforkickass]

There's more to it than cash value. We have everything we need to live the rest of our days in comfort and luxury.

...relatively speaking.

[kforkickass]

Too true.

And look at that? You made it here.

[the_gerber_baby]

Well, ain't you just a ray of sunshine?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Spoken like a man who only owns one television set.

[Charlie tsks.]

[kforkickass]

When you've seen as many places where the sun don't shine as I have, you start to lose sight of it.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

That's another stupid name for a cat.

I've got a lot of disgusting in my life. I can probably handle it.

[kforkickass]

Why would I need two? I watch one show a time. I don't use those newfangled computers with five screens. It's too easy for things to get lost that way.

[kforkickass]

We'll have to agree to disagree.

It's what happens when a man sticks his balls on a crocodile's chin. Never ends well.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[In case you haven't noticed, K: they do have two heads. And both of them have very short attention spans.]

So basically you're missing, like, everything.

[Scrad tells him. Not that that's a bad thing. They can take comfort in the knowledge that there are some things K doesn't know. And not just because he neuralized himself again.]

[the_gerber_baby]

*amused chuckle* Somedays, fellah, that could be the story of my life.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

What kind of stupid man would do that?

[moltenman]

[The seemingly normal eighteen year old just has a bit of a sigh.]

You know, being notoriously vague and secretive is good way to get yourself hurt or killed.

You do sound like someone who actually knows what they are doing though. What's a Ballchinian?

[kforkickass]

I've been doing it for years. Hasn't caught up with me yet!

It's what happens when someone's balls meet an enlarged alligator chin. You don't want to mess with it.

[kforkickass]

Don't I know it. Starts with a hangover and a sordid affair, and then you're wishing you never rolled out of bed.

Life sure is beautiful sometimes.

[kforkickass]

I catch enough.

[kforkickass]

Never underestimate the human capacity for stupidity. You'll always be disappointed if you do.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I'm not saying stupid people like that don't exist, I'm just saying I want to know how to identify them so I can point and laugh.

[kforkickass]

It's easy! Look for a set of balls in teeth. You'll know it when you see it.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

So we've seen.

[Charlie informs him.]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I'd like to see them about twenty seconds before something awful and hilarious happens to them.

[kforkickass]

You'd see enough of it in my line of work. Trust me, it gets old after the twentieth time. Especially when you have to collect the evidence.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Your line of work is pulling people's junk out of crocodile mouths?

[kforkickass]

I'm a crime scene investigator. Comes with the territory.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

...Man, that sounds like the best episode of CSI ever.

[kforkickass]

You don't know what that really means until you've lived it.

Might I interest you in sorting cockroach remains?

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Am I allowed to eat them?

[kforkickass]

If you like. They shouldn't be toxic, as far as I know.

But wouldn't you rather have potato chips?

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I can eat both. Cockroaches are better nutrition, though.

[kforkickass]

You have a practical mind. You'll get far in life. Just don't forget to enjoy the view while you can.

[moltenman]

Huh. At least you're discreet about it.

Gives me the creeps just thinking about it. And I've seen some strange things.

[kforkickass]

Discretion's my middle name.

And that's for good reason. You'd feel uncomfortable in your own skin for a week.

[makeherblue]

I wouldn't say that's all cats - I assume you haven't met the nicer ones! Cats can be brilliant conversationalists, you know. [Peering up at K. It's rather difficult when the Doctor is sitting kneeling on the sidewalk with his hands cuffs. Apparently a good old adventure on Earth now counts as "Alien Activity".]

[kforkickass]

Believe me, I know. I've had some fine heart to hearts in abandoned attics in my day.

[Wistful expression that might be his version of a smile. He does love a good cat. But it's sadly back to business now.]

Now, I'll ask you one more time: license and registration please. And don't waste my time with your psychic paper.

[makeherblue]

[Is that the slightest, almost invisible sign of a smile? It looks like it is! But then the Agent immediately gets to business, the Doctor having the grace to look taken back that K immediately doesn't believe that he really is an Inspection Inspector like his psychic paper said. Oops.]

Oh, well. That. Yes. Right. Good eyes on you. I'm ssuming you've had some psychic training (is it a Thing for agencies now? It's a Thing, isn't it?)

[The Doctor wriggles on the sidewalk, bowtie and tweed and all, as if he wants to turn out his pockets]

...Ah, I may have left it in my ship. I've never really been asked for it, you know!

[kforkickass]

Then someone must've been slacking off on the job. Typical.

[K shakes his head, but that still leaves him with the practical problem of what to do. Walk him to the ship, he might get away. Question him here, he won't get the truth. Maybe both.]

Alright, Mr. Inspector, let's try this again. What's your business here? Sightseeing, trade? Education?

[Not that there aren't plenty of aliens heading up Earth classrooms already. It would almost fit.]

[makeherblue]

Which of course you aren't. Slacking on the job, that is. [Why does he have to run into the one human that is painfully on top of things?]

Me? Well, I'd say probably all of the above, technically! Sightseeing educational things, possibly trade. [The Doctor tries to look innocent, as if these hi-tech handcuffs only magically popped onto his wrists on their own. (By the way, Agent K is a little too good at tackling people to the ground, which is made impressive by the fact he somehow didn't ruin that nice suit in the process] Are these handcuffs necessary?

[gottaseethemall]

I always make it every where, every time. Unless we're in the possible future where my mun decides to au me and take aways my powers. Oh dear...