At Einmal, pending at Singularity.

[sorcerous]

Must you?

Yes; I have borne a monster. This does not mean that every child I have will be a monster, nor that you may twist such a thing into a menagerie of possible children.

Sloths? A half-boy, half-scorpion? A golden eagle? A litter of momongas? And a girl-sorcerer with too much mind and too little heart.

As for the rest: patience, if you will. Keep your focus to the faith healer, to the admiral, to the telepath. I tire.

Comments

[dusk_and_dawn]

My lord would die for you and your children.

[sorcerous]

I have no desire for him to try.

[ Funny how Loki can never quite reach 'cold anger' with his tone; there's always pain stricken through his voice, for those who listen for it. ]

[dusk_and_dawn]

Do you not wish for him to die?

[But Loki is so good at sounding like he's feeling one thing or another--or at least the one Balder's used to is.]

[sorcerous]

[ He can -- oh, he can weave his words soft and sweet as sugar-spun; he can entrance and deceive. But pretend to anger alone? Against Thor? No, there is too much. It is borne of pain and love, and this Loki hides poorly, for the wound is fresh. It matters little; hidden or not, he does not expect Thor to see it. ]

Baldr, Bright One, you are ignorant of what you speak. Pray, leave off, and spare us both the trouble of enlightening you.

[ As he resorts to dismissal to save him speaking the words of his heart. ]

[dusk_and_dawn]

As the 'Bright One', is it not my duty to try to become enlightened?

But of course I cannot force you. I just wish you to consider that your brothers would support you.

[sorcerous]

You are not my brother!

[ This is spat, with scorn and fury. ]

You are not my brother, Odin not my father, Aesir not my blood.

[dusk_and_dawn]

[Welp, he wasn't expecting that.]

But it is not all my blood either. I am Aesir and Frost Giant both, but I am Aesir by heritage, as you are-- [hold up] --are considered to be.

[sorcerous]

But you were not deceived. You were not kept in darkness and ignorance, waiting for the day you may prove a useful tool.

[dusk_and_dawn]

Loki, I only found out I was a prince months ago. And you told me, not anyone I ... would have expected to be honest with me, like Thor.

Perhaps you could say Odin used me for his own ends. But I get no use from being angry at a man who has already turned his back and will not hear.

[sorcerous]

[ And this, finally, gives him pause.

It is true, and it curls sour in his stomach to know that Balder would take on his duties calmly as he ever has, while Loki was mired in his schemes and left with a broken heart. ]

And do you know how I knew?

It was Odin who asked me to kill you. To set you aside, out of the way, to survive after Ragnarok.

Is that true in your world as well, brother?

If Odin were truly my father, at least I would know how I grew my lying tongue.

[dusk_and_dawn]

In my world you killed me before Ragnarok, and Odin had to set me aside and revive me. I do not think that was planned.

Either way, I get no use from being angry. I am fortunate in that Odin has not acknowledged me as a son, so I am largely sheltered from his wrath. I think he would not approve of my actions.

[sorcerous]

And what could you do that is so terrible?

Or is it just that you listened to Loki? A deep crime, in and of itself.

[dusk_and_dawn]

I am a terrible king. 'Tis enough.

Though listening to you turned out to be a poor choice. 'Tis sad when you know you are being deceived but can find no way out of the deception. [Sighs. WHY DO I SUCK SO MUCH?]

[sorcerous]

I set careful traps. There is no shame in falling victim.

[ He glances away. Balder represents the most terrible thing Loki has ever done. Odin may have hinted at it, may have nudged Loki that direction, but he never gave outright orders, no matter how Loki would pretend it so.

No; Loki killed Balder because he wanted to.

Cheat, liar, spy -- he accepts those names. Murderer? ...All of his petty thoughts, his wishes woven into a single mistletoe dart. ]

And after all I have done, to step forward and admit -- that if I placed a child of mine in your arms, you would protect and sacrifice.

Baldr, I would jealously covet the tiniest sliver of your honor, were it in my heart.

[dusk_and_dawn]

Why should I not? 'Tis a child.

[What an odd thing to say. No one else seems to be as aware of Balder's faults the way he is.] I am honored.

[sorcerous]

Why are you honored? How can you be, when I have none to give?

[dusk_and_dawn]

[Blink blink.] I am honored that you would desire it. And hopeful, that you still think honor is something to be coveted.

[sorcerous]

I was raised a son of Odin.

Monstrous blood aside, I could think no other.

[ This is soft, voice broken with grief, and he ignores a tear that streaks from eye to cheek. ]

If you held hate in your heart, I would defy you. But you hold nothing; you shine, and it is pleas for forgiveness that threaten to spill from my tongue. I committed the act for love of Odin, for jealousy, for treachery, and in the end, I have neither his love, nor your fairness, nor anyone left to betray.

I have killed you, for nothing. I have killed Thor, even though he did me no wrong. I am damned, and there is nothing left but to become the monster I should have been.

[dusk_and_dawn]

[Frowns.]

Why? Jealousy and treachery and betrayal have gotten you nothing. Killing has gotten you nothing. Changing may not change anyone's hearts but your own, but that would be a great comfort.

[sorcerous]

Comfort... it seems such a distant, flimsy thing.

[dusk_and_dawn]

Would your children not offer it? If you could hide them.

[sorcerous]

Have you ever sired a child, in your universe?

[dusk_and_dawn]

No. It was never ... advisable.

[sorcerous]

Then you cannot know -- children are comfort and fear both. They are the best of hope and the worst of terror. If it was your child I bore, I have no doubt that you would tear the world apart to find her.

Nowhere is safe, even if I hide them like a snake, shelter them covetous as a magpie, coddle them akin to gods.

[dusk_and_dawn]

If it were my child you bore, I would make clear that she would be best served by both of us and await your return.

I am afraid I have no answer for you, Loki.