What do you mean I can't hug complete strangers?

[squeak_squeaker]

Mun, I'm sorta confused here! I don't understand why all of the new kind-of-best-friends-kind-of-strangers I've made... yesterday? Didn't want any of my special Kronk hugs. I give great hugs!

But they all kinda refuse and... miss out. On Kronk hugs. Hugs with Kronk.

And that's sad. [Bottom lip tremble.]

Comments

[renegadephilosophy]

I've traveled around the world and I came upon the general idea that no one appreciates a freak. Are you a freak?

Beat it, freak, before I beat you into a beet. I don't like beets. They give me indigestion. You are the indigestion of my soul[soul soul soul]!

[squeak_squeaker]

...I dunno. What's a freak? [Kronk didn't know what the word 'freak' really meant! Did you HAVE to have a fake bird nose? Because Kronk's nose was all him.]

Do you want something else to eat, buddy? [Maybe a delicious slice of three-layered chocolate cake?]

[renegadephilosophy]

You poor, poor, ignorant soul. A freak is the anti-paragon of self-worthfullness. They're always zealous of being the overbearing and annoying beasts of society.

...Sure, I can go for some nachos.

[squeak_squeaker]

I dunno what...uh. What all those words mean. [Kronk beamed at him and just gave him a plate with a piece of cake on it. Close enough, right? Riiight.]

There you go, pal! You're looking kinda skinny so you should probably eat some cake.

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier gawks at the cake.]

What!? This is no nachos! This isn't even no nacho, singular! [Xavier sniffs the cake.] It doesn't even smell like nachos! What's the big idea trying to bamboozle[bamboozle bamboozle bamboozle] me?

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk, big as he was, flinched a little. Did he do a bad job with the cake? Ohno.]

Never heard of nachos before, but cake is good too! You should give it a try.

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier tosses the cake on the floor.]

No![no no no] Listen to me very closely: We're going to have a duo of nachos together. Wait there while I gather up a twin of glin, a do of cruo, a double of wubble.

[He runs off somewhere and returns about 3 minutes later with two baskets of nachos and a lobster. The lobster's on his head. He hands a basket of nachos over to Kronk.] Here, eat this.

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk didn't even have time to cry over the tragically lost cake, because he was already leaning over in an overly secretive fashion. Also lowering his usually loud voice to a whisper.] Twin of cruo, a do of glin and a wubble of double. Got it!

[He looked after the guy, while wondering what he had to do next, when he returned with baskets of some kind of stuff and what Kronk assumed was a nacho, on his head.] I don't want to eat that little animal! It's still alive and I'm a ve-ge-ta-rian.

[renegadephilosophy]

That little tyke? Naw, he's a complimentary pet with the purchase of two Nacho Del Nachos. His name is Tyson, and he will become one of the tickets to the coronation of your demise and subsequent rise from your worthless ashes.

[Xavier just shoves a basket of nachos into Kronk's hands and begins munching on his basket loudly.]

[squeak_squeaker]

Hah... do I get to pet him? [Kronk reached out to the lobster, smiling. Then, he returned his attention to the nachos, which he started eating in similar fashion.]

It's yummy! Do I get to have ALL of this? [The whole 'demise' thing went right over Kronk's head.]

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier goes over everyone's heads. Meanwhile, Xavier doesn't respond, only continuing to eat his nachos. ...That... may be a yes?]

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk was hungry, so he just ate everything! His chin and mouth where covered in nacho crumbs and... Yzma wouldn't be very happy with him right now. A day on his own and he was already looking a great deal messier.]

You're a real nice guy! What's your name? I'm Kronk.

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier takes the time to finish. He, too, has nacho crumbs all over his mouth.]

I am your savior to guide you to your salvation; your eternal mentor to the ways of above.

[squeak_squeaker]

Oh...right! You showed up at just the right time too, since I'm kinda... confused and lost. [Slow blinks.]

Have you seen Yzma? She's purple and...uh. She's my boss. Yzma doesn't like to do her own walking, so I'm worried about her! All by herself.

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier grips Kronk's shoulders and shakes him a tiny bit.]

Forget about whoever you knew before! They were holding you back in a cave of oppression! Shed free your bonds of worthlessness! Only you can help me to help you.

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk was... probably the most gullible human being ever, so he believed every word Xavier said.]

Okay! Are you my new boss? [Fine by Kronk. This guy was actually a lot LESS creepy than Yzma!]

[renegadephilosophy]

[Is Kronk sure he wants to believe this guy? He tried curing a computer virus with AIDS.]

Of course I'm your new boss![boss boss boss]

[Xavier places the lobster on Kronk's head.] Now go! Go and shed your bonds! Embrace your new life![life life life] Compete with Tyson and you may be birthed into a new man, a better man!

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk trusted everyone. He was like a... newborn unicorn in the body of a large man. He adjusted the lobster and smiled, standing tall and proud for the first time since he arrived here.]

A better Kronk! With... with more nanchos. And a fancier hat!

You really changed my life, buddy. Do you want a goodbye hug?

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier opens up his arms.]

Sure, you've earned an embrace. You've done well, so you're allowed a graze of graeness and greatness.

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk hugged him tightly, but not tight enough to break anything!]

Yeah... I'll make you proud, out there! I'll also take good care of the lobster.

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier oofs a little. After he's released from the hug, he nods proudly.]

He's your mental connection to your meteoric stepping stones to but the path of gloriousness!

[squeak_squeaker]

Do you think I'll get more handsome if I keep wearing this lobster? [Because Kronk definitely needed the gift of handsomeness instead of, you know, BRAINS.]

[renegadephilosophy]

[Xavier really isn't... paying attention anymore as he turns and walks away from Kronk, wearing a proud smile. He's probably did nothing but a lot of damage, but Xavier truly believes he helped Kronk.]

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Be careful there, Kronk. Hug too many strangers, and the next thing you know, you'd be brutally tortured or murdered by some eldrich abomination with empathy.

Like Slenderman, for instance. Whose watching you right now!]

[holygunslinger]

Aww buddy, it's okay!

_{[Arms wide]}