It's all about longevity, baby.

[sexpanther]

Hey, sex kitten.

Forget Tony Stark-- guess who's getting a sequel? So, how about you forget all about writing for that tin can and get your keister over to La Casa de Fantana right pronto.

Shhhh shh shh. I know. You feel that burn.

Oh. And bring along some brewskies, 'cause I'm packing all the bratwursts.

Comments

[sexpanther]

It's called Channel 4, but yeah. The one and only.

[sexpanther]

Big deal. I did a follow up investigation on the multiverse once.

[ /lying. ]

[sexpanther]

The news doesn't lie! That's cold, hard facts.

...you got one?

[sexpanther]

Well, obviously. Do you think we're going to get anything good out of a hobo?

You're damn straight, I am. What is it-- girl-on-girl? Girl-on-girl-on-bear skin?

[sexpanther]

[ He watches with a silent, almost grave, intensity, fist tucked against his mouth in thought. ]

Depends. What comes off first, panties or top?

[sexpanther]

[ These modern art pieces-- they're onto something with the nudity, but this...this is just too weird for him. ]

Hey, what the hell, man? Is this some double-jointed kind of kink stuff?

[sexpanther]

You got anything else? I'm not really into sci-fi.

[sexpanther]

...We can probably turn it off now.

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Slenderman stands in front of Brian Fantana in the distance, his head crooked to the side.]

[sexpanther]

[ He squints. Even at such a distance, these eagle eyes can tell this dude is just plain ugly.

Avoidance maneuver is go-- have a casual turn to the side. ]

[slendy_ohcrap]

[And Slenderman teleports so that Slenderman is still in view. He bends his head to the other side.]

[sexpanther]

[ Man. Just a lot of ugly people out today-- must be one of those peaceful protests.

He'll just have to stare into the sky for a bit and hope they mosey along. ]

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Slenderman approaches, a faint coming into the air.]

[sexpanther]

Come on!

What do you want, an autograph or something?

[slendy_ohcrap]

[As Slenderman draws closer, his faceless features become more clear, as well as a metallic humming increasing in volime.]

[sexpanther]

[ Here's a face of complete disapproval. ]

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. They tell ugly people to stay inside for a reason, you know.

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Slenderman is within a couple yards of Brian, and he doesn't approve of his insolence. So have a couple of tentacles sprout out of his arms and flail angrily]

[sexpanther]

[ Thaaaaat's different. ]

...By which I...wasn't talking to you at all. But it really worked on that guy behind you. Scared him right off.

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Slenderman comes very close to Brian, the screeching almost at maximum, and anyone who stands to close to the Slendy becomes asthmatic!]

haha, and lightbulb burns out at a totally appropriate moment

[sexpanther]

[ dlfmkmds; Total inconvenience for an asthmatic smoker. Don't mind him just...flailing on the ground. ]

Re: haha, and lightbulb burns out at a totally appropriate moment

[slendy_ohcrap]

[Slenderman put his tentacles on Brian's forehead, and filled him wtih images of the many terrifying moments of the Slenderman webseries.

It concludes with a Jump Scare involving a male anchor speaking to the camera, then flailing madly and hitting his face on the desk when tentacles come out of every orifice. They invade the television, the the camera, the building, before a blackout. Silence, then a sudden scream from the darkness as said anchor rushes to the camera grinning evilly.

And then Slenderman's gone!]

[tearsofjoy]

Sex kitten? I'm sure all the girls fall for that.

[sexpanther]

Not all of them, honeybuns. Each woman has her own appetites, as I'm sure you're aware.

[tearsofjoy]

[She raises an eyebrow at 'honeybuns'.]

Of course. We choose our men like we choose our morning bagel. [A hint of sarcasm there.]

[sexpanther]

[ Fortunatley, he doesn't understand a word of sarcasm. ]

And I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're very generous with the cream cheese.

[tearsofjoy]

[And fortunately, being employed by Tony Stark has prepared her for situations like these.]

Of course. No one wants to eat a dry piece of bread. Just like no one wants a dried up and stale news anchor from the 70s.

[sexpanther]

[ A frown. ]

Hey, lady. That's not a very nice thing to say about Ron at all.

[tearsofjoy]

Ron? My conscience is telling me I probably don't want to know who Ron is.
[She laughs a little.]

[sexpanther]

[ Taking the cue, he laughs along with her. ]

You've got a wicked sense of humor, lambchop. Burgundy, of course.

[tearsofjoy]

Ron Burgundy. Never heard of him. Sorry. [She smiles.]

i must.

[smartest]

Cannot wait for the day when I can say the same thing.

I am so glad that you did.

[sexpanther]

Shut up, Brick.

[smartest]

I -.

[look left. then look right.]

I am getting the sense that there's a mixup. I don't know who Brick is. But I'm not him.

[sexpanther]

Which is exactly something that you would say. Nice try.

[ He digs around in his desk that is somehow miraculously present before tossing a banana towards Max. ]

Keep yourself occupied.

[smartest]

[SKEPTICAL GLANCE. but hey bananas are delicious, thanks.]

If I'm not Brick, how do you know what I'd say?

[sexpanther]

[ Eeeeeeyeroll. ]

Alright. I'll bite-- if you're not Brick then who are you?

[smartest]

[A beat. Go go gadget alias.]

Name's Hilton. Ryan Hilton.

My chie - mun. Definitely mun. Not a chief. Wow. Okay. But she's really hoping for me to get a sequel. And apparently she likes yours. So uh. Congratulations, man.