fresh out of realta nua, and reserved at last_free_city

[theykilledlancer]

So, let me get this straight.

I'm gonna get visited by a Valkyrie, and given an invitation to fight to my heart's content?

...This almost makes up for the username, mun.

Comments

[puppy_lancer]

Huh? Another me? Are you sure the Valkyries didn't just mess up. After all, they only need one of me to kick everyone's asses.

[theykilledlancer]

Hey, don't hog all the fun.

[puppy_lancer]

Then you gotta move fast. First come, first serve.

[theykilledlancer]

Don't expect me to lose to my younger self.

[puppy_lancer]

And I'm not losing to my older self.

[theykilledlancer]

Then it's settled. Maybe you'll give me a decent challenge.

[puppy_lancer]

I'll look forward to it.

[theykilledlancer]

So, what kinda Master did you land yourself?

[Assuming the 4th wall hasn't been too broken and the below thread hasn't happened yet.]

[puppy_lancer]

...

[He stops and looks into the distance, as if he's remembering something.]

She's an amazing girl. Not Emer-type amazing. More...Scathach-type amazing. She's a lot like her, you know? Really knows how to keep me in line. She acts tough most of the time, but...keep this secret, okay? Sometimes, she's really delicate, almost like she's just a lonely little kid. She's really smart too--she knows how to do shit that I didn't even know was possible. She's scary when she's mad, and we argue a lot, but she can be very nice when she wants to be. Keep this a secret too. She'll get mad if she finds out. All in all, I'd say she's a great Master and a good woman. I really hope that I'll get the chance to work with her again there.

[Boy, is the older Lancer ever gonna be surprised once he meets the girl in question.]

[theykilledlancer]

[The mention of Scathach does send a chill down his spine, but the emotion in his younger self's tone does convince him that there isn't too much to worry about... for now.]

Secret's safe with me. Though I'm not convinced that anyone could top Scathach's presence.

[puppy_lancer]

I wouldn't say she tops Scathach. And she's different in a bunch of other ways too. Still, I like her well enough. She cleans up my messes.

...Bet you wish you had a Master half as awesome.

[theykilledlancer]

I don't mind giving up the guy I'm stuck with. If your Master's as amazing as you say she is, I'm sure she can handle two Servants.

[puppy_lancer]

...Watch it! I'm the only Lancer she needs!

[...He's a jealous little doggie.]

[theykilledlancer]

You're me, so I don't see the problem.

[puppy_lancer]

You're a me that's going to be stealing my prana supply's time and energy away from me. Besides, isn't your Master some big boobed-hottie? I miiight let you have a turn on Misaya if you let me have a turn on her.

[He's just kidding, of course.]

[theykilledlancer]

Sorry to say, but your future doesn't look so bright. I mean yeah, I had one, but then she got killed and this annoying as hell priest took the reigns.

[puppy_lancer]

...

[He's torn between laughing at his older self's misfortune and wincing in sympathy. Finally, he settles on a nervous chuckle.]

A priest, huh? Hopefully, he never made you watch his dallies with little girls.

[theykilledlancer]

He made me watch worse, though I ended up stabbing the guy eventually.

[puppy_lancer]

[Alright, he needs brain bleach for the images that just flashed across his mind.]

...Little boys too? I knew that guy was a perv, but...gah!

[He nods in approval of his older self's actions.]

Well, there's always that.

[houndmaster]

Well, now this is a conundrum.

[theykilledlancer]

...Either you got older or you got hotter, Rin.

[houndmaster]

I'll give you one chance to take back getting my name wrong, should you wish to live in this realm peacefully. If not, I'll feed what remains my Lancer leaves of you to the pack of hounds that rest at my feet.

[theykilledlancer]

If you're not Rin, who are you, 'cause you sure as hell act like her.

[houndmaster]

Misaya Reiroukan.

[ If he gets the vibe she reminds him of a certain witch from his past, then he can join his "younger self" in trembling in fear. She really does have quite the ominous pressuring tone of a Scottish battle witch as she regards him lazily. ]

I'm sure I'll have you saying otherwise by time we're done here.

[theykilledlancer]

...I take that back. There's a vibe about you that digs deeper into my past.

[Cue a sigh, because Lancer will never be able to catch a break.]

[houndmaster]

I knew I had chosen quite the puppy to take under my charge. It's about time you recognized your true Master, Lancer.

[theykilledlancer]

Anyone's better than that priest. Sneaking around and being nothing more than a cowardly spy doesn't fly with me.

[houndmaster]

If a dog is only good for sniffing and digging up the dirt, then any Master who utilizes such abilities should be praised, not scorned.

[theykilledlancer]

Meet the guy yourself, then tell me he deserves praise. I'm a warrior, not a pet!

[houndmaster]

Shouldn't a good warrior know when to strike and when to just keep an eye out?

[theykilledlancer]

Skulking through darkness isn't keeping your guard up. The Assassin class was made for spying.

[houndmaster]

If you can't accommodate your Master, what good are you? A hero should know how to work by circumstance, not by what their class designates they should do. Were you to lose your lance, would you not grab another weapon or would you instead cry helplessly that you were not a monk?

[theykilledlancer]

Not the kind of situation I even need to consider, since I don't plan to lose my Noble Phantasm any time soon. I'll accommodate the Master that isn't a complete coward.

1/2

[godsholder]

L-Lancer!

[fjkldsjfkldsjaklfdsjklfdjsa]

[godsholder]

I..I mean-

[ Professional. Clear your throat and be professional. ]

That's not a suitable username for Ireland's greatest hero. Your mundane dishonours the Order of Red Branch Knights by assigning it to you.

[ If only Angra was around, he would laugh at her face. ]

[theykilledlancer]

Bazett...?

[Woah hold the phone how are you alive? Because H/A but shh Lancer doesn't know that.]

Man, this place doesn't make any sense... and no, you're right. But I'm stuck with the guy, so it's not like I have any say in the matter.

1/2

[godsholder]

Eh...? Is there something wrong?

[You're alive too. Surprise! Please stay that way.]

[godsholder]

Is your player being unfair with you? You don't deserve to suffer for anyone's amusement.

[she's worried. dealing with two troll church as masters is enough suffering. all she wanted him was to have a happy outcome.]

[theykilledlancer]

Nothing's wrong... I just didn't think you were alive...

And it's too late for that. I've managed worse though, so he won't be that much of a problem.

[godsholder]

Oh, about that... I'm currently a guest in Shirou's house, so I'm alive. [She explains a little.]

I'm glad to hear that. As long you're content with the situation, I don't have objections.

[theykilledlancer]

That doesn't explain how you survived. I'm pretty sure the kid doesn't even know healing tricks.

[godsholder]

When I was agonizing, I wished to live. Someone... granted it. [She sighs nostalgically.]

Almost everyone who participated in the Fifth War is alive. It isn't only me, Lancer.

[SURPRISE.]