dear_mun | spoilers for Avengers eventually no doubt

I never took you for a poet, Lady Sif.

You are right not to. I have little use for words and any remaining sentiment is best left buried. But my sword will not end Thor's pain in this, so... I practice.

Perhaps one day I will convince him.

You would not see me stand trial.

At least Thor has passed the days when he thought further bloodshed to be the only answer.

I would have had you die. Perhaps then all grievances would be put to rest.

[She doesn't mean it, her voice lacks the conviction she is famed for and Sif covers it with an insult.]

Do not pretend you care that he has changed. I saw through you when you sat upon Odin's throne...I knew then you'd never let him come home. Changed or not.

The throne of Asgard was mine while I sat upon it. It was no treachery that put Gungnir in my hands. You and your friends allowed personal sentiment to come before royal commands; you cannot deny this.

The fault is yours. You were naive to think we would leave him behind. You should have clapped us in irons and thrown us to the dungeon, but you did not.

Sentiment, I imagine? Hope that our loyalty and love could be bargained for with a crown?

It was foolish not to recognize where your true loyalties lay. I have grown wiser since.

But what's done is done. I will face whatever justice the All-Father sees fit.

Thor would shield you from such justice. You only need ask for pardon and you would be welcomed back with open arms no doubt.

[And Sif does not sound happy about it.]

But you won't, will you?

And live with the requirement of his protection?

Oh, you have made it very plain to all you are capable of "defending" yourself.

I will not pretend to know what others would do if you were allowed to return. I can only speak for myself. [She does not clarify.]

It wounds you not to have your chance at me, does it not? Is that why you practice?

Is that what you think? That I wish to demean and beat you, to have you look up and curse me and my kind as I put my blade to your neck?

[She scoffs more at herself then at him.]

I have thought it, but in the end it would heal no ones wounds. So I practice. I practice in words because of Thor's hope that we need not result to blows...because he would prefer his brother live.

[A pause and then she shrugs to make light of her next words.] And so would I.

Then you have no cause to scold me for not clapping you in irons.

I will not ask for Thor's pardon. I will not return to his shadow.

You make what is so simple so complicated. We all are beneath his shadow and yet I and the Warrior's three have obtained glory still.

The truth of it is you could never be satisfied with him being king. You say it is Thor's shadow that was too large, when truly...it was your own jealousy that blanketed you in discontent and alienated you from us all.

...it was never simple. You of all people should know that, Sif. You, who had to fight so fiercely to seize glory from the jaws of scorn.

What would you do, in my place? [When he turns to look at her again there is something open in his expression, a look she will not have seen since before Thor was cast down to Midgard.] Would you kneel?

[That gives her pause and for a moment Sif is struck dumb. The answer so simple it almost stumbles past her lips all too readily, but she holds it in with the clench of her jaw. Confusion takes the place of scorn as if she were truly trying to work it out. To see how they could face such similar trials and have such different outcomes.]

No, I would have never kneeled.

[Is all she offers.]

[A sad smile. They've had to face similar trials, yes, but Sif only had to prove herself a warrior. Loki had been reaching for a much loftier goal - and look what it's cost him.]

Well. Just look at us, then.

What a pair we make.

[Sif feels her shoulders lax, unable to further strike him with her words now.]

Your quarrel is with Thor. Perhaps it is best I leave you two to play it out...and then clean up the mess.

My friend, what troubles you?

[She scoffs]

You have to ask? As per usual of late, what troubles me is you.

[ Him? Oh why. He is nothing but a charm. ]

Why ever, Lady Sif? I only seek to fulfill what was truly meant for me.

I know very well what you believe yourself "meant" for.

[She realizes now that no trick of light makes Loki's skin take on the hue of a jotunn. Her hands clench behind her back.]

Do you mean to intimidate or mock me?

[ Oh he's ready for this, Sif. Don't even think about it. ]

This? [ He motions to his own self ] Is the truest you'll ever see me. He did well to hide it all these years, even from me. Odin did.

From us all.

[She reminds him, taking a step slowly to the side. Her hand is upon the knife she keeps sheathed upon her thigh.]

But now we've all heard the tale of how the All-Father saved the abandoned child. Raised him along his own trueborn son. We were playmates once, the three of us...can we not go back to that?

[Stall him. Her mind hisses as she takes another sidelong step.]

[ Side step, you say? He can match that. Magic is his gift, Sif. And the ice has always suited him well. And it's gotten all the stronger now that his true form is finally unleashed. ]

Saved. [ He scoffs a laugh. ] From a temple.

A little backwards, don't you think?

He had his reasons.

[She stops and keeps her side to him, waiting and ready if this were to take a turn for the worse. The knife is half free and ready to be thrown if only to buy time for her to take the sword and shield from her back.]

But I'd like to know yours. If Loki Laufeyson is so content in his new found heritage, why do you even speak of this to me?

[ It takes adjusting. You can't even begin to understand it, Sif. It's not like he would ever be welcomed back to Asgard. He doesn't want it, he'll keep saying. He'll keep saying it until the end of time. ]

Because it grieves me that this must be. The casket is gone. Jotunheim is growing stronger. Do you know what I will do next?

[ You're a brave and strong warrior. You just cannot win against an illusionist; and it is really that simple. And instead of you going off by the masses, he thinks, in some last humble notion, it might be more fair to end things square. ]

Skip the formalities. You need not feign care for me or any Asgardian.

[She does not believe it would take much to bait him, to have him lay out his plans if only to bask in pride of them or to see the reaction upon her face. If the anxiety she showed already was not enough at least.

Could she beat him in open combat? He was not like other giants who were lumbering and slow often in wit and in their arms. She'd seen Loki in battle...had fought alongside him, but this? This was something else. Someone else and she knew not what he was capable of.]

Tell me.

[ Oh, that hurts. He's always liked you, but like with all things he was shadowed by Thor. Still in some regards you know him so well. ]

War, the one that was promised and cut short will resume now. Is he ready? [ Thor, mroe so, Odin. He's not making a move yet but it is questionable whether what you now speak to is tangible. ] Are you?

[She is hardly surprised, but then again she had never truly experienced destruction on the scale such a war would bring. Stories had regaled and excited her as a child when older warriors spoke of how Odin led the armies against Laufey...but had these times of peace made them complacent? Asgard wasn't prepared, even if she was.]

Of course. [A bluff.]

If such a thing is unavoidable I will do my duty. I will protect my home, I will die for it. I won't let you punish me and the people of Asgard out of your personal grievance against your father.

They do not deserve it!

[ He knew you would say such, as you had always been valliant and took pride in your skill. A true warrior born amongst the men of Asgard. Not entirely fitting amongst the more common wealth of women with their impressive magic. Was that not part of what bound them, this shared sense of displacement when young? But YOU had been fine, Asgard loved a warrior. A MAN who knows the way of women skill? Not so much. ]

Speak not what you think you know of my real blood! They do, Sif. More than you can imagine, they do. Every last drop that befalls to these grounds is all but deserved. Woman and child alike. [ That claim could only ever go poorly as a solid staff of ice came to form in his hands. It was cold, and sharp, and he could weild it as a weapon just as well he could Gungnir. ]

Should we have one last match before we become enemies, my friend?

Were we ever anything but in your eyes?

[And she knows they weren't, she knows though she does not ever verbalize it. The kinship they share in their struggles. It is why she above all others...can not pardon him. In her mind if she could have earned adoration and a place among Asgard then so could he. If he had truly wanted it.

She concluded therefore, that he did not and ignored the voice that cursed her harshness and spoke in his defense. The part of her that did not want this.]

I hesitate to accept. It seems a fitting plan to kill me here to demoralize Thor and Asgard before your war begins. Should I not save my strength for when you force Asgardian and Jotunn alike into battle?
[Never the less, she takes her blade and shield from her back.]

You were! All of you were. [ Bad wounds. Bad wounds. Bad wounds. ] All I ever wanted was to be accepted as is! But your kind doesn't care to accept.

[ To personally slaughter those who matter most the the glorious King, you mean? It was fitting. It wasn't his wound but somehow he'd adopted it. To think he could have had a mother and three brothers. How much of his world would have been different? He doesn't care, and he's not even thinking clearly. He just attacks. ]

Do you know what I found in the home of our enemies?

[Sif ignores the sharp stab of remorse, shoving it under a cool mask of indifference. The corner of her mouth twists despite herself.]

...acceptance. Family. The way you no longer try to hold unto your Asgardian appearance is sign enough of that.

[Her eyes soften only for a moment. Was it regret? Perhaps, but too late. All too late. Sif shakes her head and shouts.]

And if that is what you found, how can you throw it away so casually?! How can you threaten war not just on my kin, but your new found one! And there will be losses, Loki. On both sides. I will make certain of it if you bring this feud to my doorstep.

Go home. Go to your people and be Loki Laufeyson, but do not do this. I am asking you not to do this.

[ Is it that easy for you? It's not that easy for him. He can't just go -- he'd not say it -- even if it was the closest thing to home. It still didn't fit, not quite but he'd make it. His Father was aging, and he's be king where he should have all along. Maybe he could fix things proper. ]

More than that, Sif. Had we ever questioned the King's actions we might have seen the lies he weave so much better than I.

[ Maybe, maybe he just. Maybe he just ran out of choices. Because Asgard wasn't home and he felt, so suddenly, after exile and destruction and detainment for his crimes he felt pain. A pain he knew not how to handle; he knew not how to identify either. ]

That suffering, when we'd thought them of monsters. [ And in some way he still is very uncertain. He would have cared this same way long ago for Asgard. When he was not so shredded. ]

After I see all of this, how can you ask me to pull back from my claims?

Because it is my home!

Do you think I can give you leave to destroy it? That no matter how much I may say I understand, no matter how much you explain...that I can ever accept this?

[Sif presses her lips together into a tight line, fiddling with the hilt of her blade as she tries to think how to speak so that the feeling churning and blazing within her can be expressed.]

The All-Father is not infallible. He has done things I do not always understand or agree with...but it is my home, Loki. It- It is not perfect, I know it.

[Words whispered behind her back. The rumors, always the rumors. They had hated her when she took the blade into her hand, had doubted and dishonored her. What petty vengeance had led her to treat one who had also been so abused with the same disdain?]

And I am sorry. I truly am. Of all of us I should have seen you, but I did not. I did not see. But my love for my homeland outweighs my guilt. Outweighs the All-Father's flaws. Everything is imperfect...

How could you have? When I had been spelled so tight not I even knew?

[ You understand... You understand better than anyone, Sif. You always had. The staff, it folds away. Disappearing like the ice that melts but no mess is made.

Still. He cannot turn back now. It needs to happen, he feels it. They want no victory, just a sense of retribution. ... Does he not understand that ache so fully? ]

I am sorry. For all that has happened, and what is yet to come. I will not strike you now.

But be ready.

[Her mind races with words. With pleadings she could never sacrifice her pride to utter and heartache she has only just discovered.

The blade lowers, held loose in her grip as if it would fall away at any moment.]

I will be.

[There is more she would say, but it was not the right time to say it. It would never be the right time. There was no going back.]

When the day comes, I will look for you on the field.

As expected. [ He needed to leave. Right now. He could not stay here a second longer.

But maybe for just this quiet word ]

Goodbye, Sif.

[She closes her eyes, shuts him out. Let's him be gone even if he still remains.]

Goodbye.

Beautiful words, Lady Sif. Even mighty Volstagg's heart has been moved by them.

I only speak the truth.

[Her demeanor softens some, not focusing her anger upon friends.]

It pains me to see Thor so grieved. The warrior in me declares that we should kill the enemy that ails him, but...foolish as it sounds I have trouble looking at Loki and seeing an enemy.

[She scowls and sighs.]

We called him friend and he betrayed us... by all rights, we should have no problem seeking refuge in anger. But the bonds of friendship are ever strong, even when so sorely tested and cut.

While Loki has done horrible things and made poor choices I still hold out hope that one day my brother will come back to us.

It is your hope that stays my hand.

If any can save Loki from what he has fallen to it will be you...I don't think any other would have the same care.

I want you to know my Lady, that despite my love for him, despite the fact that he is my brother, it will not stop me from doing my duty to Midgard and Asgard.

[A pause.]

Yes...yes of course.

[She swallows, because she knows that that "duty" will be made ever harder the long Loki remains free to plot and scheme against both realms.]

I worry for you. Fighting these battles against him. I worry it might-- change you. [She doesn't know how to properly convey the feeling and sighs.]

I will do my best not to change. I will admit it weighs on me at times, but that is where friends such as you come in handy.

spoilers for Avengers eventually no doubt

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If you mind not the brain breaking au

i dont mind~

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Whoa, html

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oh god, what has this become. /tissues.gif

idk but homg all my feels

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Shoves him at you

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