in which steve discovers the internet. or -- well, a small, outdated part of it.

[totallyupsized]

I don't understand. Why are there so many photographs of cats asking if they can have cheeseburgers?

This world has become stranger and stranger That can't be healthy.

Comments

[interrogation]

You need to get off the internet.

( this advice is for your own good, steve. dark, dark things lurk beneath those lolcats. )

[totallyupsized]

[ THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER, NATASHA. ]

Should I be feeding them?

[interrogation]

( SHE DOESN'T ANSWER BECAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO ANSWER. THERE IS LITERALLY NO LOGICAL REASON WHY SOMEBODY PAIRED UP CATS AND CHEESEBURGERS. )

Not cheeseburgers, no.

[totallyupsized]

[ YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE THINGS. ]

So it's some kind of a joke? [ just so lost. lost adrift in a sea of incomprehensible pop culture references and really, really strange ideas of humor. Is this century's humor broken in some fundamental way? ]

[interrogation]

( SHE'S A FUCKING MASTER ASSASSIN IN WHAT WAY DOES THAT FACILITATE KNOWLEDGE OF LOLCATS )

A somewhat outdated joke, yes.

[slaegr]

[ Oh Cap. ]

The extent of your worldly problems is a true marvel.

[totallyupsized]

Loki. Don't you have bigger problems of your own right now?

[ You know, being muzzled, Asgardian justice, sent home in chains, and all that. ]

[slaegr]

[ You keep quiet about that muzzle or else. ]

Apparently not. Here I am, after all.

[totallyupsized]

[ Or else what, you're going to glare him to death? But yes -- big problem. Very big problem. ]

How did you manage to get out?

[slaegr]

[ Oh my god why does everyone keep forgetting that he's actually pretty awesome. Mischief? Trickery? Lies? Jotun heritage? Sorcerer?

Tch.

He rolls his eyes, a sour expression flickering across his features. ]

You seem to be forgetting about my talents in the field.

[totallyupsized]

[ It's all right, Loki. Steve is taking you very, very seriously right about now. But he stands his ground, keenly aware of the disadvantage he's at, should Loki choose to pursue something more aggressive than just conversation.

He doesn't make the mistake of underestimating him; not at all -- after all, the first time they met, Loki almost succeeded in crashing the entire Helicarrier. ]

I haven't forgotten. What are you up to, this time?

[slaegr]

Now, now ...

[ Excellent. To be taken seriously is half the battle, after all, at least when it comes to proving his point in as grand a way as possible.

It takes a moment but he recognises the look is Steve's eyes to be genuine enough to suit him — as though he does want to know what he's up to because he's worried about what it could be. It's that unease that makes him tick. ]

I don't doubt you'll see soon enough. For the time being, though, I would prefer to let it remain a potentially pleasant surprise.

[payitgladly]

That's... pretty harmless.

[totallyupsized]

The cats, or the cheeseburgers?

[payitgladly]

The cats-with-cheeseburgers thing. There are much worse things on the Internet. [ ... Don't encourage Steve to look, Bruce. ]

[totallyupsized]

Much worse?

[ Is looking, most definitely out of a morbid sense of curiosity. ] How much worse?

[payitgladly]

Worse beyond your imagination. [ Wry smile, and he looks at Steve for a moment. If he's someone else, he would've patted him on the shoulder. ]

Don't think too much about it.

[ex_flyting687]

There are many photographs of you in blue tights on this internet as well.

One would think you'd be more worried about that.

[totallyupsized]

[ ... What. ]

They are just comic book covers, aren't they?

[ex_flyting687]

And old stills of your productions. You were quite the actor, weren't you?

[totallyupsized]

[ He doesn't need you to remind him of that, Loki, thank you very much :| ]

A lifetime ago. [ Then because quite apparently Steve had leveled up in the art of snarking, he deflects before it gets personal -- ] Don't tell me you want me to sign your copies.

[ex_flyting687]

You can't take personal effects with you to prison, unless the rules of war have changed.

[See, this isn't so bad. Needs a little bit more kneeling, but what can you do?]

Many things have changed in the last, what was it, seventy-odd years? Earth has television, now.

[totallyupsized]

It had television, before.

[ ...Well, it was very new then, and he'd been amazed at how much the concept of it had evolved, but that's a story for another day. He doesn't own one, anyway. But Loki is right about the whole change thing -- which begs another question, why is he bringing this up? ]

Looks like you're still fully capable of communicating even in prison. Maybe the rules have really changed.

[ex_flyting687]

Was the Geneva Convention before or after you you fell to a watery death? Death might be a bit subjective here, though, you'll have to excuse me - suicide seems really insulting considering your words of "god and glory".

[What else is there to do, when you have nothing to lose and men of worlds wish to kill you? In for a penny into the pool of madness, really.]

The point is, it's strictly a human thing, this convention. I kind of have to make my own rules where I am now.

Thor can't know. [But you just know he's daring you to tell him.]

I'm so sorry. really.

[talkingtooslow]

don't feed them cheeseburgers, they'll be like gremlins, all cute and fluffy until a sesame seed gets stuck in their teeth and they eat it after midnight then they're monsters!

[And Pep, really no more doubleshot mochas for you. EVER! Tony should really take away her starbucks card and blast it into a million pieces]

hm... Kinda like the Hulk really. only nowhere near as cool

I'M NOT 8DDDD

[totallyupsized]

[ Suffice to say Steve didn't quite get half of that. ]

...Gremlins? What are those?

[talkingtooslow]

[And have a look Steve.]

They're little green monsters that tear wings off planes. And well they just wreak havoc all over the place, about three feet tall. Though in the movies they start off as this really cute fur-ball called Mogwai. It was scary to watch when you're like five. [Hey she's willing to admit it scared her, just don't tell Tony]

And, I'm rambling aren't I?

[beguilement]

Oh, there's plenty more interesting things. Perhaps meatspin is more your speed?

[ Only partly sorry...! :) ]

[totallyupsized]

[ CAUTIOUSLY. Meatspin sounds like some kind of juvenile game. ] Meatspin. Is that what kids are playing with, these days?

[ eeeeee! hello, you! :D ]

[beguilement]

[ HAHA YEAH NOT SO MUCH, STEVE. ] Oh, I'm sure some of them are playing that these days.

[ u///u omg hi. ]

[lionsandsnow]

--they really shouldn't be eating that.

[totallyupsized]

I'd think not. I hear it's some kind of joke.

[old_fashioned]

I wouldn't look any farther than that if I were you. [ Pause. ] And I am.

[totallyupsized]

[ Well, hey, fellow captain! The mind boggles. ]

... How?

[old_fashioned]

[ Le shrug. This is weird. ]

I'm still not sure. My writer took the time to warn me this might happen though.

[allfatherissues]

[You seem to have a fine collection (if he does say so himself!) of Lokis going on here, Cap. Would you like another?]

Man out of time, indeed. It does add volumes to your reservoir of naivete, if little else.

[totallyupsized]

[ Oh, the mun could never say no to more Lokis, definitely not! Lokis are absolute love ♥ ]

I don't see what naivete has to do with incomprehensible cats. ...Unless you're behind them.

[allfatherissues]

[Slightly cray cray love, but love all around! ♥ ]

Well, from what I have heard, there was one line from Banner having to do with my mind and cats. [Does he appreciate that comment? Probably not, but he hides it under amusement.] And no, you cannot place blame towards me; Midgard was a bit beneath my notice when internet cats became popular.

As for your naivete, allow me to ask... Have you unknowingly been redirected to something horrible or embarrassing yet?

[ohmythor]

[ Laughing. ]

If it helps, that's not really what's happening. Unless certain cat owners are really crazy, and I wouldn't put it past them! It's just -- mostly it's just a meme.

[totallyupsized]

A meme, ma'am?

[ohmythor]

Well -- they don't use the term right. I think. Mostly it just refers to, uh, jokes. On the internet. Don't take it seriously.

[mjolnir_time]

I do not understand it either, my friend.

Do you think there are really cats in the ceiling that watch us?

[totallyupsized]

[ ...The both of them are just going to be so horrible for each other at this. Steve looks distinctly unsettled by the idea. ]

I should hope not. They don't tend to want to come down easily, once they're that high.

[mjolnir_time]

[They so are. And hey, at least one person is more lost than Steve, right?]

Apparently the cats in the ceiling and the cats in the basement are fighting a war of good and evil. I doubt this would go unnoticed.

[hotrodred]

[This. Has the potential to entertain him for hours.]

You think some hungry cats are weird, you should check out RedTube. Sounds great, right?

[Don't listen to him, Cap. Don't do it, you are too wholesome.]

[totallyupsized]

[ ...Too late.

WHAT DID YOU DO

WHAT DID HE JUST SEE ]

...Tony.

[hotrodred]

[POKERFACE, MAKE IT WORK, STARK.]

Oh! Did I say RedTube? I meant YouTube! Sorry about that, old man.

But still, I mean... You've gotta learn about sex somehow, right?