[AU] Charles Xavier in abaxcity

[excessivehubris]

That thread holding on to my sanity is getting thinner and thinner, love and you are about to test it something fierce over the next few days.

I do hope you have some idea of how to shore it up. I know you keep wanting to put me under the shelter of the others but we both know that won't work, so what is plan B?

Comments

[swagneto]

Surely you couldn't come up with an alternate plan on your own? It wouldn't do well for your sanity in the first place, Charles.

[excessivehubris]

I've done nothing but come up with alternate plans since the very beginning Erik. But they have always been temporary measures at best.

[He's quiet for a moment, before continuing.]

He called me a collaborator, Erik, like Vichy, in cahoots with our captors. I had promised, Erik. Nihlus, Kori, Lucy, the others I have promised I would do whatever it took to help them secure food and resources. I couldn't throw away a chance ... but now he thinks I'm weak and lazy.

[swagneto]

[ Erik's silent for a moment, the phrasing of choice far too familiar, and he doesn't need to put two and two together to realize whom Charles is referring to. Trying to disagree with either of them puts him at a disadvantage; giving into anyone holding them captive earns Erik's disapproval, giving into Erik's words is an entirely different matter, and he can't refuse himself. ]

Except from the little I know of you, you're not either of those. A collaborator, perhaps, [ Because Erik won't deny those words. ] but weak and lazy? Resources could be obtained elsewhere, you know that.

[excessivehubris]

[Somehow Erik picks the worst description to agree too and that has Charles wincing.]

No, they could not, Erik! That is the point, those resources were in limited supply elsewhere and would soon dwindle and cause starvation of a portion of the population.

[swagneto]

Like they wouldn't run out there as well? Charles, the city is growing, and there's only so much it can take.

[ Just the fact that they're once again in a position where they're arguing has him put off; not the direction he was aiming for. ]

I'm not faulting you for helping them, the issue is how you're doing it.

[ And apparently distancing both Eriks in the process. ]

[excessivehubris]

[You have never really approved of him, Erik. He's used to being taken to task by you at least.]

I promised to help in any way I could. This was a risk but none of us are in a position to pick and choose our attempts to help the others. If I do that then what good is my word?

We got back the supplies those people need, we've bought ourselves some time to look for alternatives that will be in our control in the future. I am sorry it disappoints you and Erik but I would do it again.

[swagneto]

[ There were a handful of moments, ones that in Erik's perspective outweighed the negative ones such as now. ]

So you find another way, Charles. One that isn't at the cost of alienating yourself, nor threatening your sanity. I have no doubt you've managed already, and I won't stop you, [ How can he anyway, from an outsider's perspective. ] but there are alternatives rather than a gambling game with someone like him.

[excessivehubris]

You miss the point, Erik. I already have gambled in this game with Byron. I made a decision based on the responsibility I took up to support the others in this city. Unfortunately, its placed me in a position where I stand against the opinions of the others of my kind.

[swagneto]

I don't disagree with you, Charles. But you shouldn't distance yourself from the ones that still do care about you.

[messiahed]

Maybe you should see a therapist...

[excessivehubris]

Would that be in between the struggling for survival, dealing with dead friends and cryptic lightbulb heads or .... when exactly?

Also, a moot point as there isn't a therapist in the city.

[messiahed]

I think you could schedule an hour in between dead friends and cryptic lightbulb heads. You're not alone, Charles. Let some of the others take some of the weight. The city won't fall apart because you let some of us take some of the responsibility.

My friend's a therapist. Pretty good one.

[excessivehubris]

I am afraid it is not that easy and despite appearances, I am not very good at talking to strangers.

[The thought of a therapist just completely short circuits his brain, Hope and leaves just a blaring neon sign of D.N.W]

[messiahed]

Think of it as another survival technique. Adapt to survive.

[excessivehubris]

A nice thought in theory.

[messiahed]

I'll be the first to admit I'm better at giving advice than taking it.

[excessivehubris]

I think we can all agree that I am practically the zen master of the art.

[radars]

We always do bounce back.

Eventually.

[excessivehubris]

Mmmm, fair point. But it feels like I keep stretching further and further and eventually all things snap.

[radars]

Perhaps we're meant to burn brightly and quickly. If you'll forgive the arrogance.

[excessivehubris]

[There is a dark, cuff of humorless laughter and a nod.]

Forgiven, as I've often had the same thought. A tool to be wielded to a purpose, kept close enough for use but in the end, nothing more than a tool.

[radars]

And perhaps someday I'll earn the right to wield myself.

[excessivehubris]

Which has pitfalls of its own I am afraid. I make decisions for myself and often find myself very much on the other side from the others.

It is ... lonesome.

[radars]

And you never felt that way before? And what have you been doing with your life? There's no one more alone than a telepath.

[excessivehubris]

I have the minds of every person within a hundred mile radius in my head at any given time, I only wish for silence.

But I understand you're meaning. It would not be so bad, had I not been shown glimpses of belonging, only to in the next breath be reminded that their matters are none of my business.