applying to abaxcity

[lawman]

Is this your hobby, then? Finding new and exciting ways to make my life terrible?

From what I can gather, my current circumstances already constitute some kind of "jam jar." Meaning that I'm in no bloody need of another.

Comments

[nothalfasgently]

What's yours done to you, then?

This one nearly drowned us, then threw us in with a town full of lunatics. The whole place spent a weekend going at one another with pirate swords.

I see what you did there!

[lawman]

Oh, the usual, I'm afrai...

...

...What are you doing here.

I will never pass up an opportunity to traumatize Sam.

[nothalfasgently]

Talking to you, aren't I?

You'd think a bloke'd remember they weren't a pirate...

Sounds like my LIFE MOTTO.

[lawman]

...You've got some nerve, you do.

Is this your idea of fun, then? Waltzing back into town and hoping your fam... ...that the law won't notice?

[nothalfasgently]

The law that I am, d'you mean?

My idea of fun is a lot prettier than you are, mate.

[lawman]

Don't think for a second that I let you get away because you frighten me, Vic.

...Right. Should have guessed. Murder and porno's on the table -- let's throw in infidelity too, why don't we?

[nothalfasgently]

What, are you some sad case Lisa picked up and dropped by the roadside? Sorry to crush all of your blackmailing dreams, but those divorce papers are long signed. You'd have to go barking up her new boyfriend's tree.

[lawman]

What? Lisa? What are you on about?

Don't you... surely you remember a man you held at gunpoint. Or have you done it so often that it all blurs together?

[nothalfasgently]

What are you on about?

Look if I arrested ye and you got roughed up a bit during the questioning, I'm sorry, mate, but ye probably deserved it.

Particularly if you made the same amount of sense then as you're making now.

[lawman]

Arrested? I'm a DI, you lunatic, which is miles from anything you...

[Something's awry. That put-on accent, and...]

...You can't possibly be telling me you aren't Vic Tyler.

[nothalfasgently]

No, I'm not. Detective Sergeant John Bacchus. Whoever you're getting your information from ought to give ye a refund.

[lawman]

...Oh.

Not used to the lookalikes scattered about these parts. I... sorry. Mistook you for someone else.

[nothalfasgently]

I heard a thing like that from another fellow. Some kind of professor of summat. Tried telling him it was just a popular haircut. He tried telling us it wasn't 1966 where he was at.

[lawman]

He's right about that. I could think of some potential years off the top of my head. 1973, for example. More preferably, 2006.

So... a DS from 1966. Blimey. What are the odds?

[nothalfasgently]

1973 or 2006? That's quite a stretch of time, innit?

Maths was never me strongest subject.

[lawman]

[He'd laugh if this weren't so bloody unsettling.]

Let's just say I've already done a bit of time-hopping. One-way. Unintentional. Not all it's cracked up to be, I assure you.

[nothalfasgently]

Time hopping. Like Doctor Who?

[lawman]

God, I only wish. Not too fond of that lot, anyway. The Doctor Who one. Keep mobbing me -- make me out to be some sort of psychopath.

Suppose I did the same to you. Do unto others, eh?

[nothalfasgently]

You thought I was a psychopath?

[lawman]

...Someone unpleasant.

[nothalfasgently]

Is that all? Get that all the time, us.

[lawman]

Right. You mentioned "rough" questioning.

You'd get along with my Guv.

[nothalfasgently]

Wouldn't mind that. Don't get along with mine.

A smack in the face isn't rough on a murderer.

[lawman]

Suppose we have something in common, then.

Unless you've nicked the wrong bloke. Then you've a bit of a problem, granted you have accountability. Or a conscience.