Dear Skeezebuckets...

[thisisdeep]

So, like, you know mom is gonna freak, right?  Right.  Just wanted to be fucking clear on that.  The last time I was on the internet and mom was all "OMFG, John, Skynet's going to kill you!"  And I totally rolled my eyes and hacked the FBI and shit.  Because I was bored and like...I wanted to see the shit they had on Mom, y'know?

And then we were in Mexico again for like...ever.

What?  I like hacking.  It's like a precursor to punching Skynet's virtual balls.  

Sue me, dickwad.

Comments

[i_like_your]

John Connor...?

[thisisdeep]

[eyeroll] Just so we're straight, you know I'm pretty much hardwired to tell you to go screw the nearest high voltage fence, right?

[i_like_your]

That would be difficult.

I like your enthusiasm for disobedience...

[thisisdeep]

Pretty sure you do like it, but, whatever. You just want to gut me so Skynet wins and all of us mere fleshbags die since I guess I'm supposed to like, help win the big fucking war.

[i_like_your]

I wouldn't say no...

[thisisdeep]

To humping an electric fence or to gutting me? Oh, wait. You don't have to answer the second one. I got the answer. Surprise! IT'S A BIG FUCKING YES.

1/3

[i_like_your]

2/3

[i_like_your]

3/3

[i_like_your]

I do not copulate with high-voltage equipment.

Re: 3/3

[thisisdeep]

All the cool robot assassins hump electric fences. [Lameass dick "I'm John fucking Connor" smile.] You don't know what you're missing.

[i_like_your]

I'm aware of what I'm "missing". I don't want it.

[thisisdeep]

And I'm pretty fucking sure I don't want to be, y'know, dead.

[theboywonder]

You hacked the FBI because you were bored?

[thisisdeep]

Yeah, well. My mom didn't give me toys when I was little.

[theboywonder]

Why not?

[thisisdeep]

I'm like totally supposed to be this great military leader and shit, so I grew up around guns and training and some jacked up dudes. One guy taught me how to play chess and think and shit when it was like a bajillion fucking degrees outside. We were like in the damned jungle and shit, playing chess.

[theboywonder]

There's nothing wrong with chess.

[thisisdeep]

Dude. For real? Did you miss the part where there was a jungle and pretty much a hairy armpit of jackedupedness? Cuz. I'm telling you, that shit was serious. Meanwhile Mom's smoking like a pack of cigs and picking fucking rocks off from like...I dunno some longass distance with an AK-47. All shredding jungle and shit.

[theboywonder]

Hey, in a situation like that, I think I'd like any sense of normalcy, and if that means chess, then I'm playing chess.

[thisisdeep]

Normal to me is running and guns and shit. Not chess. But I guess Mom was kinda right, y'know? About it being good for thinking and reasoning when shit's all fucked up. But God, I wish she'd like...step the shit off for a day.

Talk about someone who needs a vacation. Jesus fucking Christ.

[theboywonder]

It kind of sounds like that's not an option for her right now. What are you guys running from?

[thisisdeep]

Giant metal fucking assassins that can like...look like humans and shit. Trust me, man. You don't want to meet one of those things. Not even, like, the ones future me like fucking made help us by reprogramming them. Terminators are so not on my list of shit to play chess with.

They always wanna kill stuff. Y'know, people. But sometimes they do kinda crazy cool shit, like...realize they gotta die in order to keep you safe.

[theboywonder]

That's... nice of them, I guess. [I feel like I've seen this movie before. :|a] As far as time traveling homicidal robots go.

[thisisdeep]

Pretty big logic leap for a machine. Like, seriously huge.

[theboywonder]

Yeah, I got that part. Did it seriously just realize that, or was it some kind of faulty programming?

[thisisdeep]

Dunno. I mean, I didn't have a shitton of time to figure it out, but my mom seemed to believe that it was making the right choice because it realized it was right course of action. The thing couldn't kill itself, so it asked Mom to do it.

For a robot, I guess that's as close enough to realization as it can get. Sure, it'd been reprogrammed and it was pretty banged up, but still. It knew its chip could potentially fuck everything up all over again.

[theboywonder]

That's pretty cool. I don't think that kind of technology really exists, where I'm from.

[thisisdeep]

Not supposed to fucking exist where I am, either. [That face. That 'omfg I hate time travel' face.] I got no one to blame but me, I guess, or some shit. Which is--

[He holds up a hand.]

Y'know what? If I go there and try to reason this like some sort of normal person, I'm pretty sure I'll wind up with like...brain melt.

[theboywonder]

It's fine, I get it. Time travel sucks.

[thisisdeep]

Pretty much.

[theboywonder]

What's your name?

[thisisdeep]

John. [Dude, that's all you get. He's says 'Connor' and Mom gonna...welp. No one wants to be in her path. She cray-cray in a big way when it comes to names.]

[theboywonder]

Dick. Nice to meet you.

[thisisdeep]

Cool. Guess I'm supposed to shake on that or something, but yeah, man. Nice to meet you too.

[scarlet_discord]

OK, that's fairly well cool. I can't hack computers. I can break the hell out of any electronics though.

[thisisdeep]

I kinda like how that shit works, you know? It's cool. But, like, don't go telling my mom that. Cuz...she'll totally freak. Like. You have no fucking idea. All the guns and ammo and like fucking bunkers and shit, man. It's seriously intense.

[scarlet_discord]

Hacking is one of those cutting edge skills people will need, especially in desperate circumstances. I won't say anything. Besides, half the stuff I do isn't exactly approved by the powers that be either.

[thisisdeep]

Well, I guess it's important since she actually taught me it. I think she just doesn't want me messing with the feds or something. Not really 'living off the grid' if you're like...up in Uncle Same's butthole, you know?

[scarlet_discord]

Yeah yeah, but if it's your thing it's something to get good at. Besides which, Uncle Sam and I don't exactly get along. There's all this talk that they're gonna register my people, and I'm not down with that.