dear_mun | meta as hell, re: holy musical b@man because why not

What the hell.

I can't watch anymore or he's going to kill me in the name of all of you birdboys.

[ She's not usually this relaxed, so think nothing of Pamela swatting your shoulder. No poisons coming your way today, Jason, all the Robins need to live long enough to really appreciate that video. ]

Ow, I have a stitch.

[Not like he's worried with the filter in his helmet anyway. He is, however, laughing his ass off next to Ivy.]

And here I thought he couldn't get more ridiculous! Ow, oh God, it's hard to breathe... What the hell?!

He so needs to see this. Him and every two-bit villain in Gotham. The desperate spree to regain his image on the streets should clean up the crime rate for at least a month and a half.

[ Geez, dat hood. It is a little surreal to be laughing about one former Robin with another, but she'll take it on the chin today. He's not half as annoying as Eddie, at least. ]

Why don't you take off that helmet?

[ Folding her hands on his shoulder, she chins them to peer at him inquiringly. ]

Then we can watch it together without you suffocating.

[He doesn't take off the helmet, but the smirk is still present in his voice. Oddly enough, the helmet can actually kind of show the arch of his eyebrow.] No deadly toxic pollen? No mind-control nerve spores?

No potassium-cyanide laced coconut milk to the face?

We're watching a video, not trying to kill each other. You boys are all the same.

[ Rolling her eyes, she takes that rare contact back and folds her arms. ]

Unless you decide to go trampling over the nearest outcrop of my babies, we're fine.

It's not suspicion, Ivy, it's just common sense. You're immune to pretty much every natural toxin on the planet; you breathe the stuff like it's nothing. I think it's perfectly safe to ask even when you're being polite.

The coconut milk ... might have been a bit much. Sorry. [Really, he is. Just to show it, the helmet comes off, unsnapping and hissing as it unseals, like some contained environment.]

And I think the most you have to worry about from me is my mun linking everyone to Rule34 of everyone here.

No, she doesn't care that there's 34 of the two of us. The fact that it's me as Robin makes it worse. Shut. Up.

[ YEAH BRO, coconut milk? Wow, even Ivy has standards, you get a quirked brow and a Look for that weak suggestion. Oho, and there's the boy himself. Hard to resist a small smile when he does eventually comply with her wishes. ]

It's unrealistic, don't worry about it.

[ You know what happens when dudes kiss her and the toxicity levels are up. She'd ... for a lot of emotional reasons besides, much rather not risk anything else. But, hey, they could both do worse as pairings go. ]

But you were so sweet under that costume.

[ And you're still getting teased for it, Todd. ]

You're very attractive and you know it, Ivy, but the idea ten-year-old Robin-me getting it on with you is a little disconcerting and very disturbing. [He's not into that, no thanks. Though now that he thinks about it, Ra's never has a problem with poison that he can remember so maybe there's a-- no. He shakes the thought from his head.]

Bad. Clear those kinds of thoughts away.

But if I had to be paired with one of Gotham's Rogues Gallery, you'd definitely be top on that list. Honest.

More than a little disturbing. [ They're agreed on that forever and a day.

Jason, gosh, stop sweet-talking should-be enemies. ]

Of course you would, who else would you rather pair up with? Harley's given to rave over her psychotic clown at any given moment and Selina's interest is somewhat batty, shall we say.

[ No one wants Batman's sloppy seconds. :/ Although there was that one time Ivy fangirled over him, back in college - blergh. She'll take that to the grave ~~or as far as metaland allows~~. ]

The others are, frankly, not even vaguely in my league.

[ Since he's playing nice, so will she. Arguably, when nature's brushed aside, Ivy is one of the more (pun so very intended) down to earth villains. She's got a lot of common sense, comparatively, enough not to infect him here with anything as she raises a hand to brush along his jaw-line. ]

How would you feel about finding yourself at my side now, hmm?

[Man, he should play nice more often. It's impossible to hold back a cocked grin when her hand touches his jaw.]

I can't say I'd mind it too much at all. I never had much of a problem with your goals, just your methods: murder and mind-slaving isn't the best way to convince people to increase the EPA's budget.

Why waste time convincing weak-minded meatsacks when you can make the hard decision for them and move things along a little faster?

[ That grin is matched with her own. At least he's aware she could nick him all too easily with a stay nail and - but, meh, she won't. There's nothing to gain from doing that right now.

Oh, look! A convenient couch to watch the show on, she'll be helping herself to it. Come and get the bowl of popcorn, Jason! Here, boy! ]

There's a plant called the Red Hood, it's a mandevilla. Very fine to look at, but all of its parts are incredibly poisonous. Only experts tend to keep them around.

[ Back-handed compliment is go. This is smalltalk by her standards. ]

One of the mun's muses is an avatar of nature, so I'm less impressed by that speech than I might have been before getting picked up by him.

[Of course he has popcorn. Jason is always prepared. Also sitting down.]

You mean the 'Red Riding Hood'? Dipladenia splendens has a sap that can cause skin irritation, and ingestion can cause indigestion, vomiting... Like milkweed, really. I wouldn't call that incredibly poisonous. Toxic, yeah, but so are most vines to an extent, as I recall.

All the parts of it are poisonous to something.

[ Cocky, Jason, very cocky of you. And here she was being witty with her current former Robin. ]

I was referring to how toxic it is to birds.

[Like he isn't always cocky. With a chuckle, he offers the bowl to Ivy.]

You can take me one of two ways: I'm not a bird anymore, or I'm proof that nothing can keep certain birds dead for long.

Or you can just take me; I'm not sure I'd be complaining. [Either from pleasure or because some skin toxin killed him, either or. As piglike as his comedy might be, again there's that layer of humor to it. It sounds more playful than serious, but who knows with Red Hood?]

Red hoods killing little birds at all, etcetera. I don't know why I bother, I'm wasted.

[ Ahw, he's so horribly flattering. She loves it, deserves it too, in her own mind. To be fair, Ivy's leveled up a lot from prancing around like a prize douche in jewels and she doesn't need male attention at all these days. But, it's nice. ]

And you're disgusting. [ She'll slouch at your side if she wants, fuck da police. ] Are you sure you're not going to cause a fuss by spending time with me? They'll think I pulled a Superman on you.

[ Now that was a fun time. Best toy in the world, or any other. ]

They think I've lost it anyway on a good day, so what do I care? Not like I'm some kid they can ground for hanging around the wrong crowd.

Besides-- [And ... is he casually bringing one arm around the Ivy slouched at his side? ... maybe. ~~yes~~] -- I happen to like the current company better than a lot of 'heroes' I can name.

[ That ... is very true. It's okay, she'll hate Joker just as much as Jason does. They can bond over that in this ephemeral Moment.

Snorting under her breath as he welcomes her into a curled arm, she drapes her legs over his lap and idly rests a mane of red curls against his shoulder, nibbling on the popcorn. ]

I can honestly say you're not half as vile or pathetic as some of the 'rogues' I've roomed with in Arkham.

[One would be surprised just how effective hating Joker can be for bonding.]

It sounds like a match made in ... well, I'm not sure. Heaven and Hell both sound wrong.

[Oddly, this is some of the most normal he's been in quite some time, watching a bad musical version of his adopted older brother with the infamous Poison Ivy curled up in his lap. It's not bad, as far as ways to spend time are concerned.]

So ... are you doing anything this Friday? [As cocky as he is, even that joking line has that hint of nervousness in it.]

[ She hasn't been this comfortable since lounging in the vines of the rainforest, Jason's lap gets graded highly. ]

You couldn't take me anywhere, don't be ridiculous.

[ Silly Hoodie. That nervousness is more endearing than she'll let on, so instead he gets a light scritch under his chin. ]

Heh. Yeah, I guess I just lost my head for a moment. [And to think, he didn't even need a dose of Ivy's pheromones. The scritch is both welcome and even more awkward with that slight bit of nervousness.]

But there's always Gotham Bay. I do have a boat I ... 'confiscated' from the Russians.

[ At first, she wonders if it would piss off Bats even more to find out she's deliberately hanging out with Jason, especially since she sort of loathes the bastard after he assumed he could manipulate her recently. And then she takes another look at this douchewaffle inviting her to Gotham Bay and feels so old. ]

I don't like salt water.

[ Much, anyway. She's not going to make this boat-date-maybe-might-be-a-thing easy for him, paranoia never letting her invest in it beyond a tease and a flirt. ]

When did you run into the Russians?

[ Calmly running her fingers through his hair and giving him her full attention. ]

[Oddly enough, this helps him pick up some confidence again. He knows the game, wonders what caused Ivy to go from friendly and bantering to more distant yet flirty. Still, it probably says something about him that he pursues it anyway.]

Not like we'd have to swim.

As for the Russians, I ... may or may not have busted their attempts to open marijuana trade, laced with heroin, in several of Gotham's inner city middle schools. [By busted he means he dropped the perpetrators headfirst into Bludhaven from a helicopter. If there's one big thing Jason doesn't take, it's fucking with kids.]

How noble.

[ But for all her dripping sarcasm, she approves. Her orphans were incredibly dear, kids aren't usually as callous and uncaring as adults when it comes to the Green, easily swayed to honest sympathy for her cause. Her approval soothes the edges of her tone in the way soft fingers ripple over the nape of his neck, not apologetic but neither cruel.

It's likewise intriguing that a bitter old Robin is languishing with a supervillainess like this in broad daylight, albeit not something she terribly minds. ]

Let me get this straight. You want to put me in a boat, drive me out into the sea and ... then what? [ Suspicion could be her middle name. ] You can appreciate where I'm coming from on this, surely.

Honestly? Watch a movie, maybe have dinner. [Paranoia, how he understands and appreciates thee. That's why there's nothing personal in said boat. He doesn't even keep Red Hood gear in it long-term. Still, it has its uses.]

My intentions are strictly honorable for at least six dates. [Awkward still virgin Jason is awkward and still virgin. So yeah.]

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