homeless

[tasted_the_sky]

...




I hate it here.

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[heardyoucall]

You didn't kill me.

[tasted_the_sky]

Yeah, thanks for reminding me. [ He shivers. ] I couldn't even move, asshole.

[heardyoucall]

Do you remember what you said?

[tasted_the_sky]

... [ Lowers his head, his ears folding a bit. ]

No. I don't. Okay? I don't remember. I.. I lose it and I can't remember what's going on in that moment. It passes like a second and I'm left with the pieces.

[heardyoucall]

You were frightened. Said you wouldn't do it anymore. Said to let you go...

But it didn't seem like you were speaking to me.

[tasted_the_sky]

[ Cheshire looks extremely uncomfortable for a moment. ]

N-no, I don't think so. I don't think I said that.

[heardyoucall]

...do you think I'm lying, Cheshire?

[tasted_the_sky]

You could be. Everybody does it. Everybody. [ Looks away. ] I do it all the time. My friends do it. They did it...

[heardyoucall]

What crime did you commit, Cheshire?

[tasted_the_sky]

I don't know what you mean.

[heardyoucall]

Cheshire...

[He shouts angrily.]

DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME YOU LITTLE PUNK ASS RAT!!

[tasted_the_sky]

[ The sudden increase in volume is nearly enough to send Cheshire back into psychotics, his teeth bared. ]

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!! I'll-- I'll rip you apart, I don't need someone like you around me-- You're just like them!!

[heardyoucall]

You mean the ones who did this to you? The ones who punished you by ripping your mind out of your skull while you pleaded and begged them not to?! AH? IS THAT WHAT YOU SEE, CHESHIRE? IS THAT WHY YOU RIP AND TEAR? BECAUSE YOU SEE THOSE ANIMALS HURTING YOU AGAIN?

[tasted_the_sky]

Shut up, shut up, shut up shut up shut up!! [ He grips his head, his angered cries soon becoming disturbing laughter. ]

You don't... You don't know anything...!

[heardyoucall]

Hm... hm hm hm hm...

[The laugh is a quiet, dark laughter, lacking in any humour.]

I don't know... is that it?

What an absolute farce.

((ooc:If you come back tonight I'm ordering pizza. I've caught a bad cold and I've been in bed all day sneezing and watery-eyed. I don't want to cook. No strength for it. T_T i won't order any breadsticks))

[tasted_the_sky]

[ooc: okay]

[ Cheshire's losing it again, and he doesn't appear to be paying attention to Sanzo anymore. He's tugging at his head quills harshly, as if trying to rip them out. ]

That's how everything is! It's all a joke... A great big joke!! Better to just laugh and smile through it, right? No one really cares about you. They just want you to suffer and suffer and they don't care if you apologize and then when you do it's too late! Then they lie and promise things they don't mean and then you kill your friend by accident. Smiley, why didn't you run, Smiley? You were right all along, all this freaking time....

[ He lets out another shrill laugh. ]

So I don't care anymore, because they didn't care about me. I made a mistake, I did a bad thing and no one forgave me, so I don't care anymore. They told me I could make up for it but they were lying. They hate people like me.

You're just like them-- you give me something, pretend you're nice to me and then all you do is hurt me. You kept it away from me and mocked me and then hurt me more....

[ He shakes his head, trembling again. ]

If that dumb kid had just given me a fucking cigarette, none of this would have happened. It's all his fault. I wouldn't have bashed his head open, I wouldn't have gone to the asylum, I wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for that dumbass kid.

[heardyoucall]

[Sanzo walks forward despite the danger and moves to put his hand on Cheshire's head.]

...don't lump me in with those bastards.

I know the world is a joke better than anyone. Even so, Cheshire...

There are some truths in it.

[tasted_the_sky]

[ Immediately slashes at Sanzo, snarling. ]

Yeah? Like how those shitty overlanders hate us? I know, you don't have to fucking tell me.

Or maybe that blood's red when it comes out? Or that people die? The sky's blue? Night and day are different? Fuck.

Everybody knows that!

[heardyoucall]

[Sanzo ignores his now bleeding injury and tries again to put his hand on Cheshire's head.]

You're not so misunderstood.

[tasted_the_sky]

[ He slashes again, though this time it's the reflex instead of a conscious effort. ]

Nobody is, right? Nobody's misunderstood, they're just not trying hard enough to get out of their mess, right? If they just try harder, they can succeed, right? I've heard it all before and I still ended up killing that damn kid. He should have just given me what I wanted, that's all! But he was an overlander, too. He was like them... "Closing up"... It was all an excuse because he hates people like me! They all do, and you're the same!!

So I'll just kill-- it's the only thing I can count on! No one needs me, I don't need them-- everyone I like just dies anyway-- if I kill everyone I like, maybe I'll see 'em again someday...

But I don't want to see you. You're like them. You can FUCK OFF!

The bird. won't. work.

[heardyoucall]

[He's going to attempt grabbing your wrist the next time.]

Killing. Won't. Help.

[He looks into his eyes.]

It won't. I know. I've killed for a long time. It won't stop the filth from coming back into your life... nor will it release you from the pain of your nightmares.

Re: The bird. won't. work.

[tasted_the_sky]

[ The attempt is successful, and Cheshire struggles. ]

We've been over this, goldilocks! Even if I wanted to stop, I can't!!

[heardyoucall]

[Once the wrist is grabbed, he attempts to put his free hand on Cheshire's head.]

You stupid rodent. You really...

[If that other hand connects, it's going to gently, very gently, rub Cheshire's head, almost like one would ruffle the hair of an upset child.]

You really shouldn't have to think this way.

[tasted_the_sky]

[ He stops momentarily at the stroking... This was a familiar feeling...

Right. His mom used to do the same for him when he was very young. He missed her. She was the only one who understood him, even when he'd lashed out at her. She was the one who'd read Alice in Wonderland to him.

He was Jimothy back then. Now he was alone. ]

...

[ He lowers his head, saying nothing. ]

[heardyoucall]

...you're not bad, deep down. Not many are. One misplaced step and the world crashes down on us. Something as simple as being raised by the wrong people, for liking different things, for being an outcast... for being an orphan who looked like a little girl.

The world shits on us all, Cheshire. All of us. We don't owe the world a goddamn thing for the treatment we've been given...

But for those who earnestly reach out to us... for those who dig deep enough, who get through our walls and our screams and our scratching, biting misery...

For those who truly see "us" as we were before everything went sideways and don't judge us? Who see us for who we are now and want to help us? We owe it to ourselves to go on from there and to work with whatever we have.

Whatever pieces we have left of our tattered lives, those pieces are ours. And if people acknowledge and care for those pieces, we should do what we can to become stronger, so we can hold on to whatever scatterings we have left with pride.