apped at ataraxion

[fondueist]

I don't think you packed me enough breadsticks.

[ because all space voyages need are baked goods in stick form, obvi. ]

Comments

[curvatures]

You'll get fat. Bread makes you fat, you know.

[ # the most informed ]

[fondueist]

That's lettuce.

[ #thetruthaboutvegetables okay. fight the man. ]

[curvatures]

I knew that stuff about greens was a lie! If it was so healthy for you, it wouldn't taste so gross.

[ /hi5 brittany, did we just become best friends? ]

[fondueist]

I like some green stuff. Like Mountain Dew.

[ PLAY IT AGAIN SAM etc. ]

[curvatures]

Well, yeah. Everyone likes Mountain Dew, you'd have to be, like, an alien to not like Mountain Dew.

[ nectar of the gods ]

[fondueist]

They have aliens where I'm going. I can ask them for you.

[ she's a halper, this one. ]

[warbles]

... Or, salad. Fruit... vegetables. Clothes? I feel like there are a lot more important things than breadsticks.

[fondueist]

Santana likes breadsticks.

[ SHE ONLY HAS THIRTY SEVEN OF THEM, BLAINE. that's not even enough for an appetizer have you met santana. ]

[warbles]

... Doesn't Santana also like you? She could probably live without breadsticks.

[fondueist]

[ blink. blink. god, blaine, you're pretty but santana could live without her stix? incorrect. ]

One time when they shut down for health inspections, she broke a car window.

[warbles]

... Hopefully not hers or yours.

[ ... ]

Can you drive?

[fondueist]

Sometimes.

[ and really, that answer should fill all people in driving distance of lima with uncontrollable, sobbing panic. ]

[warbles]

[ he's officially never driving again. Kurt can drive forever. ]

So, are you excited about going into space?

[fondueist]

I was, but then Santana said I don't get a helmet like Sandy. [ HER HEARTBREAK WILL NEVER END ON THIS MATTER. ] And Patrick isn't there, but Santana is. And they have pie.

[ because it's the moon. and the moon is where pies are born. and santana + pie ain't a bad deal. ]

[warbles]

Who's Sandy? Who's Patrick?

[fondueist]

Sandy the squirrel and Patrick Starfish. They're Spongebob's best friends.

[ LIKE DUH, GOD. no one ask why she thinks the ocean is the same as space, okay? ]

[warbles]

[ blink blink. ]

... Bikini Bottom is under water.

[fondueist]

Yeah, space water.

[warbles]

... No.

[fondueist]

Then why does Sandy have a helmet?

[warbles]

... I have ... no idea, actually.

[fondueist]

[ all her look says is WELL, THERE YOU GO THEN. ]

[warbles]

... No - but - wait. Huh?

[fondueist]

Exactly.

[ bow before her utter lack of logic. ]

[warbles]

OK. So, back to the breadsticks.

[fondueist]

I need more of them.

[ are you getting a sense of deja vu, blaine? ]

[warbles]

... So, how was your weekend?

[mohawks]

That's what you're worried about?

[fondueist]

Santana asked me to bring her some Stix, and I only get thirty seven.

[ clearly, puck, you understand the SERIOUS NATURE OF THIS PREDICAMENT. ]

[mohawks]

Maybe space can like, replicate them. Like that thing on Star Trek, remember?

[ SPACE = STAR TREK. ]

[fondueist]

I'm not going to the stars, I'm going to space.

[ which is either on the moon or underwater, apparently. ]

[adlered]

You can always make more, dear.

[ this is such an odd thing to be concerned about, brittany. ]

[fondueist]

...You know how they make Stix?

[ brb peering at you with the kind of shock and awe usually reserved for gods, a winning lotto ticket and daniel craig's package. ]

[adlered]

[ it's a testament to how good irene is at not showing her true feelings when she actually keeps a straight face while answering. though truth be told, she just wants to peer at you worryingly. ]

I'm afraid I'm a bit out of practice with making them. Typically it's not something individuals like myself eat. I take it that you don't know how to.

[fondueist]

Can you teach me? If I knew how to make Stix, Santana would give me her sweet lady kisses.

[ ...w e l p. ]

[adlered]

[ ...questions actually being asked in irene's head: did she just say she was a lesbian or-? ]

That depends on what sweet lady kisses are. I don't want to teach you and then have you use the knowledge for anything bad.

[ except, eh, that's not a bad idea, maybe. a little mini something to mold into something. maybe. ]

[fondueist]

They're kisses from Santana, because she's my sweet lady.

[ it sounds marginally less stupid when said in a matter of fact monotone, okay. ]

[adlered]

[ it doesn't even sound stupid (okay technically it does to a woman who beat sherlock holmes, but details) because she understands what it means. you're a little lesbian, brittany. and with that girl who reminds irene of an unclassy version of herself. ]

She makes you pay for her kisses in breadsticks? [ a beat and then added as an afterthought: ] That's one way of keeping yourself from going hungry, I suppose.

[fondueist]

No, she just really likes Stix. And I like to make her happy. [ again, only saved from hallmark card territory by how she rattles it off like a baseball statistic. ] But if I knew how to make Stix she'd give me her lady kisses in front of everybody.

[adlered]

That's rather sweet. Does she know you like making her happy? [ brittany, you are a treat of sorts right now. ] But until you know how to make them, she'll only give them to you behind closed doors? How tragic. I can see why any girl such as yourself would want kisses in public.

[fondueist]

We're best friends. [ so that's a yes. kind of. brittany's not the shiniest penny in the jar o' coins, but she knows how much she loves santana scares the other girl, sometimes. ] She's afraid of what people will say.

[ and now some of that vagueness drops away in favor of real, present sadness. like another famous idiot, brittany may not be smart, but she knows what love is. ]

[manipulativni]

Well, at least you'll go for a while without getting too hungry.

[fondueist]

They're not my Stix. I'm eating the pie, instead.

[ duh, kat. ]

[manipulativni]

[ ...okay, she'll bite. ] What kind of pie?

[fondueist]

The moon pie. From the pie baby house.

[ yes, that explains it all. ]

[manipulativni]

[ brittany what are you ]

Well, there is a kitchen on the ship, I suppose that counts.

[fondueist]

...Is that where the pies are born?

[ magic, kat. magic. ]

[manipulativni]

I suppose you could call it that, yes.