Leonard (the Alpha) Church | Red vs Blue

[originalcopy]

Dear Mun, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Why do you do this to me?  EVERY. DAMN. TIME.  You get to watch a few episodes..., or binge-watch a whole season, whatever. ... and I have to come back <i>again</i> and deal with a new round of bullshit <i>again</i>.   You've been doing this to me for almost a decade.  Back when RP for you was really nerdy, with paper and dice and LARPing.  Nerd.

[ Insert long suffering sigh here.]

And I know how this goes.  First it's here, next it'll be memes and you better not even think about games.  The last time you tried that, it was a disaster.

So yeah, thanks... this is exactly how I wanted to ring in a new year.   Asshole.

Comments

[domeanthings]

You calling someone else a nerd? Pot meet kettle, asshole.


[Missed the hell out of you.]

[originalcopy]

I am not a nerd. A little geeky sometimes, maybe. But this is Simmons levels of nerd we're talking about.


[More than will ever be admitted to in public.]

[domeanthings]

That's just sad. [But still they brought you back, so... yeah]

So, you're good, right? [these two have the crappiest small talk]

[originalcopy]

You mean other than being pulled back out of blissful nothingness?

[He's not entirely sure if he's joking about the nothingness or not. But being back has upsides.]

Yeah, I'm good. How about you? Keeping busy?

[The worst at small talk.]

[domeanthings]

Ehh you know, same old same old. Kicking balls and taking names. I took a break for a while too, just is good to get away.

[then welcome back to bullshitville]

No castles this time though, so there's that.

[originalcopy]

Yeah. It is.

[It never lasts though. And every time he comes back it feels like it always gets worse somehow.]

You know... I hated that fucking castle and all the bullshit it put us through... but sometimes, some of it was almost worth it.

[He found her there. And Tucker. Got to know some of the Freelancers. And hell, he even started to not hate Wash. Started to... Plus certain other people he will never speak of to her. *cough cough*]

[domeanthings]

[Naturally it is best not to mention some people. But truth was their time at the castle hadn't been bad at all, some of the changes had even been good for her. She'd learned a lot and had changed her ideas on some things.]

Almost, but for now I'm no where really. Seems familiar enough floating in the internet.

[a_shadow]

As if you're any less of an asshole.

[originalcopy]

And you would know, wouldn't you. After all, it takes one to know one, right.

[Tex, what would he do without you telling him shit he already knows about himself. Probably, hear it from Tucker... but it wouldn't be the same.]

Welcome to the club, bitch. At least I'm not fucking over someone else's life.

[Which is probably the worst way to say 'Hi Tex, I missed you'.]

[a_shadow]

I could list off a few occasions where you did.

[ It would be no kind of welcome, here, but she's glad to do it if he gets on her bad side. ]

[originalcopy]

... yeah.

[Shit.]

You probably could.

[More than a few.]

[lovernotafighter]

Dude, tell me about it. Here I was thinking I was finally retiring, going to the Vegas Quadrant to live out the rest of time, but nope. She's been dragging me out more and more again.

Guess there's no rest for the badasses.

Don't know what your excuse is, though.

[originalcopy]

Tucker, the day I accept that you are a badass is the same day I actually ask Tex to put a bullet through my head. Because the universe no longer makes any sense to me.

[He's bullshitting, obviously. But only about the asking to be shot part.]

And clearly, the universe isn't done fucking over my life.

[lovernotafighter]

Hey, I have fans. How many fans do you have?

[Other than CPU ones. Or whatever they're called. He's not a nerd; he's too coooool for that.]

The universe fucked us the moment they stuck us in Blood Gulch without any chicks that didn't want to kill us. Or were a Grif.

...still would totally bang both, though.

[originalcopy]

I don't need fans, I'm awesome enough on my own.

[CPUs don't have fans anymore Tucker, they have Heat Sinks. Fans went out with the stone age. Not that he's a nerd either... that's just something everyone knows. Obviously.]

Yeah, good luck with that. One will give you something that'll make your dick fall off and the other will just shoot it off for you.

[Ignore the fact he almost chuckled at that. He's not happy to be here and you're not funny. Period.]

[lovernotafighter]

But fans are awesome! You can have then buy you stuff, take awesome pictures of you, remind you of what you throw away. They're cool.

[That...is just a stalker, Tucker. But hey, whatever. He's busy actually laughing at one of Church's jokes. Consider it a New Year's miracle.]

Yeah, but which one is which?

[originalcopy]

I'll give you five bucks to find out.

[Who said he was joking, Tucker?]

On the downside, space herpes... on the upside, I hear that catheters are more comfortable now than ever.

[Most likely, he'll get shot in the foot or punched in the head. Win-win really.]

[uptightness]

Muns are idiots and don't listen to a single fucking thing.

[originalcopy]

You know what, Carolina? That's the first thing you've ever said that I agree with 100%.

[Not that they've actually talked much. Whatever.]

Hell, that might be the first thing anyone has said that I agree 100% with.

[uptightness]

So it's likely the end of the world.

[originalcopy]

Eh, or the heat death of the universe. It was bound to happen at some point.

[End of world sounds too small.]

[uptightness]

Sure, by Caboose or Sarge... Possibly both together.

[originalcopy]

Caboose. Sarge would have some stupid plan to make it happen and Sarge's plans never work.

[Caboose, on the other hand, he could see 'oopsing' the universe out of existence.]

[memory_unlocked]

And of course mine is thrilled to see yours back.

....They both need to just fuck off and let things go.

[originalcopy]

Yeah, no shit. Are they going to? Not fucking likely.

[He refuses to admit his mun is thrilled to see Epsilon.]

Why stop now?