dear_mun | (no subject)

[Hey, if he's gonna be that masochistic, who is Kyo to deny him his... whatever you call that.]

[Loves... hah.... yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah that's gonna take a long time for Kyo to believe Akito doesn't feel anything but absolute contempt for him, but lifting the curse and not locking him in a room forever goes a long way.]

[And the idea of that, his kid wearing his bracelet... that's super cute. And he really DOES smile now.]

[.... But then he's just...]

[Stunned.]

[Akito doesn't hate him???]

[God's not a monster...]

[Cursed though. He definitely believes that.]

[And that Akito's mother must be kind of monstrous-ish.]

[Like his birth-father.]

[Maybe they should get married.]

[EUGH or not. He'll throw up thinking like that.]

[He'd call this all some crazy dream, but it's genuinely too crazy for him to dream... he just dreams about fish. And martial arts. And nightmares.]

[Love...]

[He guesses she must really love Shigure, and more than just vice versa.]

[Did Akito always want to be a mother? Maybe finally getting... her??? wish mellowed her out.]

[A lot.]

Trapped. Trapped and not allowed to love as freely as desired. [And lonely, which led to bitterness, which led to guilt and shame, which led to suicide which led to...]

[His voice cracks and squeaks.] Are you sure? It's not that I doubt you but...

[Her -- that'll take some getting used to -- mother must have reallllllly been a piece of work, not wanting Akito to love anyone, not just Shigure.] Akito's not a monster. Even now... what I mean is...

[Arm over his eyes, he's not crying, damn it!!] She said if I beat Yuki, I could earn my freedom!! And that she'd still come visit me, even if no one else did. She only leaves me out, because that's how it's supposed to be!! The curse. It's not her fault at all. [Growls and punches a wall.] She's not a monster. [Only him. But it'll be fine. He'll win. With Tohru's help.]

[Seeing Kyo crumble before his eyes has a great effect on Shiki. He is usually reserved, hiding his emotions until he is physically overwhelmed. It's a bad habit, but when you grow up in a house with Ren Sohma, you learn when to speak and when to bite your tongue. However, seeing Kyo like this, Shiki pushes his usual walls down and hurries to his uncle, wrapping his arms around him protectively.]

What she said to you wasn't right. Our blood was cursed, but the way we handled it made it much worse. She was afraid she would lose everyone - that no one would care about her - so she held onto you as tightly as she could, torturing you to keep you too afraid to move.

[It's a sick way of thinking and Shiki trembles.]

The cat rebelled. The cat knew that things couldn't always stay the same. That's why you suffered. You were ready to move on and she - god - held you back.

It's when god was able to let go that the curse was broken.

She sounds really happy now. [Rests the hand with the beads on Shiki's head.] I'm glad, and I think that's more because of you than just Tohru.

[Okay, he can do this. It's his nephew, even if way in the future, so Shiki gets an arm around the shoulders.]

Make sure you find your happiness too.

She is a good mother. [He rests his cheek against Kyo, comfortable with the position. Tohru isn't the only one that gets hugs when they visit.]

Aunt Tohru started it. Mother was able to be honest with Father; he had been waiting to marry her for a long time.

[The weight of the arm relaxes his tension and he stops shaking.]

I... I'm trying. [He knows he's lucky, but it's hard for him to find friends that understand him.] I'm part of a club. In school.

What's making you scared of making friends?

It's...hard for me to talk. I do alright with family, but...

[Everyone else gets the deer in the headlights stare.]

[That is so freaking cute. And weird.]

Yeah, you should definitely make friends with Sawa then. Go get her. [Gentle bop with fist to nudge him.]

She...called out to me. [She worried about him when he got overheated and had to sit down.] We held hands too.

Yeah, that does sound like Honda-chan. Too friendly and caring to even know how to be selfish. So you'll have to be selfish for her.

I don't mean: assume you're not good enough. I mean: take care of her so she doesn't do stupid stuff that gets her hurt, because she doesn't know better, and doesn't want to burden anyone around her. So don't let think that Hajime and... Mutsuki or you, or anyone else, need to stuff their true feelings. And you can't do that if you're stuffing yours too.

What if she doesn't want me to...interfere? [He would help her and that says a lot.] I haven't spent enough time with her to really understand what she wants...or needs.

[But he had enjoyed sitting beside her and he had cherished how she included him and thought about him.]

I am worried about her.

[He has to think this over a lot.] Knowing when to help or not is a lot like knowing when to fight from martial arts.

[Gah. Part of him is mentally bolting over Tohru's mother again. He should have helped. And failed.]

[But how much could anyone help someone like Akito's mother???] In the end, the one who'll get hurt most is you, not her. Are you willing to take that risk? Is it worth it to you?

[He should have... but yanno the cat thing and then he was just so stupid and mad about the hat and Yuki and jealousy and just a kid and froze...]

[Gah.]

[Tohru really marries him????? He must have told her, right??? Even Kyo couldn't be so... evil as to keep that secret. Even now he debates hunting her down to tell her!!] If she's not ready, she won't let you, and there won't be any way you can other than just to be there for her.

[Serious look.] But if you don't try, you'll probably regret it a whole lot more.

And if she is like Tohru, she'll lie and say she doesn't need the help, so just do your best anyway. If she's angry and doesn't forgive you... at least you'll still have the happiness of knowing you did your best.

[Rubs the back of his neck.] I guess it's a little weirder with Tohru. She was living in a tent in our backyard when the hillside caved in. Shigure and Yuki are useless at housekeeping, and like hell was I going to baby those idiots. So it was kind of "mutually beneficial." [One-armed air quotes.] She never really did open up exactly... just everyone opened up to her because she let them. Us. So when her grandfather took her to their family's place, she went all... acting willingly, but she was miserable. They treated her like dirt, they didn't want her, and she wanted to be with us and I don't know that she could have really voiced that.

[He thinks about the time she still braved his monster form and the rest.]

But if what you want is to be there for her...

[Shrugs and cracks his shoulders, arm and neck.] Then do it. Say it and show it. No matter what. Someone like Tohru wouldn't choose to be lonely. They just might not be able to admit that they are.

I don't want her to be hurt. [Or for her to take on more than she can handle - which seems to be the greater concern.] Mitoma-san met Hajime-san after she accidentally stepped on his face. That is a little weird, though not if you consider it was a rainy day and he was trying to nap in a bad place.

[His brow furrows.] Do you think her family is bad?

[He has yet to learn about Mitoma's very abusive mother.]

...alright. I'll talk to her...more. I could ask Mutsuki-san too.

Tell him you like her. Maybe he's not as interested as you think. And even if he is, he's my son, so he should be protective and a good friend to her, enough to want her to find what makes her happy for herself, and to know... that's hard for someone like Tohru to do without someone like you to support her, even if he wishes he could do it alone. I didn't take care of Tohru alone. I had your Dad and everyone else's help too.

And I don't know. Sawa, or her family. I just know Tohru. And so far it sounds similar. If her family was bad, she'd never admit it, probably not even to herself. You'd have to see the signs. Which is going to take getting to know her.

[Closes his eyes. Also, there is nothing weird about floor naps in the rain. It's hot and sticky and the floor is better. And rain makes everyone sleepy, right?]

Trying to take on too much is a sign of feeling like you're not good enough. Tohru's been known to work herself to exhaustion with a fever, because she wanted to make sure she earned her place. It doesn't mean her family's bad, but it means she doesn't realize just being around and even trying to help means a lot to everyone around her. Like you said, your mother tried to hold everyone close and was scared of losing us, until she was able to learn to let go. It's like that. [A beat.] An insecurity. Who knows where these things come from? [Although yeah, usually parents. Oh well, keep making the future generations better.]

You're right; she should be the one to choose who she likes. But if that is Hajime-san or Mutsuki-san or Riku-san I won't make it difficult for her. I would still be a...friend. If she wants me to be a friend.

[Shiki is good at watching others and measuring their moods and intentions. He just needs to be around her a little longer.]

She is on the student council and she took on a part-time job in Uncle Ayame's shop. If things are really bad for her at her home, she could -

[He frowns thoughtfully.]

Kinu-san is in the house you lived in with Aunt Tohru, Uncle Yuki and Father. Mutsuki-san and Hajime-san stay there while they are in school... She could live there too?

Good. That's how it should be.

You'll have to make it an option for her where she can still be useful. Like I said, Tohru was living in a tent and didn't tell anyone, because she didn't want to bother them, even that's really more troublesome. If you only offer it, she won't know how to be selfish enough to take it.

...I should meet her mother. [Just to be sure that Mitoma has a good home.] I'm not afraid of her.

[And he doesn't need her good opinion of him either. How he feels - how they feel - is their business.]