Voicetesting - Canon is Steven Universe

[buffcheetopuff]

.....STOP SNICKERING!! I don't get it - what could possibly be so funny about this name you've picked out for me? And just what was wrong with using my own name anyway!?

I'll never understand this blasted planet of yours...

And this place? I can't even attempt to understand it. Are the Diamonds here? ...or Rose and her Crystal Gems?

Psh, not that it matters! I can deal with them if they do show up, and I'll send them running! They've got nothing on me!

.......WHY ARE YOU STILL SNICKERING!?

Comments

[everythingisfood]

[ Hi fellow extremely huge person with lots of hair.

This one is currently eating Cheetos. ]

Your volume has little bearing on the effectiveness of your pleas.

[buffcheetopuff]

[Shall we sing the song of our people?]

[Jasper sees the bag, and the name, and immediately snatches it from his hand, looking at it with disgust.]

This? This is what I'm apparently named after?! What's the meaning of this?!

[She's ignoring the volume comment.]

[everythingisfood]

[ It's mostly screaming.

In most cases. Midora would throw a moon at anyone that takes food from him but... Cheetos aren't really fine dining and her reaction is hilarious. ]

A low quality foodstuff. Mass produced- a capture level below 1, that anyone can obtain.

[ He crunches a couple he had left in his hand, licking his fingers. ]

Though decent enough in terms of texture, I suppose. I imagine it's the colour.

[ He holds one up beside her skin tone. Yuuuuup. Cheesy gem. ]

[buffcheetopuff]

[Every word out of his mouth brings absolute fury to her. Low-quality. Mass-produced. In an ironic twist it hits closer to home than she wants to admit.]

[In her rage, Jasper crushes the bag in her hands and throws it aside.]

Ridiculous! That's nothing like me!!

[She glares when he holds up the snack piece to compare.]

Get. Away. From me.

[everythingisfood]

[ Despite his infinite appetite, he doesn't protest the destruction of his snacks. He wastes so much food there's a literal island of it under his base.

Who knew someone could have existential angst rage from Cheetos. ]

My my... That's a startling reaction from such a low level meal.

[ He keeps holding it up, between forefinger and thumb right at head height- with the distance, perspective makes it the same size to him and he notes- ]

Hmm. Approximately the same shape as well.

[buffcheetopuff]

[Only Jasper could turn such a basic snack into a question about the meaning of life.]

[The insinuation that she's exactly the same as the cheesy snack makes her snap internally and she gives an instinctual reaction - she moves to deliver a hard punch straight to his nose.]

[everythingisfood]

[ OKAY. Midora is really good at tanking hits so just lets her smack him right in the chops.

Standing stock still, he gives off an aura of danger all the same. There's this weird pseudo-hallucination thing that happens in his canon where strong people give impressions of sensations of things to intimidate others- like making them feel like they're dinner on a plate.

He does that. His own devilish impression is some kind of tiger turtle though and he tries to give the impression of being between its thumb and forefinger just like the snack she's being compared to.

He breaks the illusion by crushing said Cheeto for realsies, with a satisfying crunch.

Same crunch his nose made tho. ]

[buffcheetopuff]

[WELL. DAMN.]

[Jasper isn't equipped to handle this. Optical illusions aren't something she's familiar with. There's the rumor that Blue Diamond can manipulate emotions and make gems feel however she wants - but to hallucinate? No, that's new for her.]

[So when she envisions herself trapped between this devil's fingers, as though she were indeed some sort of food source, Jasper's paralyzed with fear. She can't even scream.]

[Then he breaks the illusion and she's finally able to breathe again. She gasps for breath, even though gems don't need to breathe. For a long moment, her concentration is broken, and her helmet disappears in golden light.]

What...what was that??

[everythingisfood]

My appetite.

[ Because Toriko is a weird canon, this is both literally true and also him just being intimidating. Standing here, hands at his sides just staring like her terror at the idea of being not even so much as a mouthful to him is the obvious conclusion and she's a little slow. ]

Or more accurately, your mind understanding my appetite. It's impossible for me to consider a morsel like you to be an enemy. Just food.

[ I mean the wording might be a bit lost on a species that doesn't need to eat, but it's kind of like how Home World considers Humans- they ain't an opposition , they're background noise. ]

You're fortunate. Otherwise I might show you aggression for a display like that.

[buffcheetopuff]

[It takes her a minute to understand the concept of an appetite. Because exactly right, gems don't need to eat. They can live without it. She takes a few more heaving breaths as she looks up at him.]

You... you're clearly not human. Just what are you anyway? What planet do you come from?

[His strength rivals that of the Diamonds, she fears. They need to know that his species should be avoided at all costs until they're better able to hands such abilities.]

[everythingisfood]

[ He chuckles- he was called an animal more times than he can count as a child and when he gained his strength, people changed to calling him a monster. And yet, all the same- ]

I'm a human. The strongest human left on Earth, but human.

[ Though you know. Different Earth. ]

What are you?

[buffcheetopuff]

[Humans. They continue to shock and even appaul her. How can a single human have such power? It's impossible.]

A human?

I'm a gem. A quartz soldier. I'm Jasper. And you?

[everythingisfood]

[ Midora doesn't have much attachment to humanity, really. He even made a spirited attempted to kill 'em all once. Because he's kind of a petty jerk and humans didn't appreciate his mom. ]

Midora. Boss of the Gourmet Corp.

[ The bold text is apparently part of the spelling.

Anyways, he holds out a hand. Not to shake, with the palm up and the fingers splayed. ]

That wasn't a bad punch, quartz soldier. Show me another.

[jamminshield]

W-well, Jasper... You gotta admit... It is pretty funny?

[buffcheetopuff]

You would think so, Rose.

[jamminshield]

[He sweats nervously, but at least he feels safe talking to her here.]

Hey... a good sense of humor is pretty important, you know? I- I'm sure that even you must have a funny bone you've been neglecting to tickle!

[buffcheetopuff]

[Their current environment is probably the main reason she hasn't grabbed him in a choke hold by now, let's be honest.]

....bones don't tickle. And what could possibly be so funny about someone's skeletal structure anyway?

[The only thing she could possibly find amusing about bones is how they break - dark, yes. But consider the source.]

[jamminshield]

[It's a very convenient environment all around!!]

It - it's just a joke! [But he's not surprised that Jasper, like other gems, sees it in a literal-minded way. Unfortunately he doubts that teaching her will be as fun as teaching the others.] Because, see... There's one bone that's called a "humerus". Like... "humorous"! Get it?

So it's used as a metaphor for a sense of humor! [The More You Know!]

[buffcheetopuff]

[She just stares at him for a minute. Her mind and her eyes have trouble reconciling that this boy....this weird, organic little boy....is Rose Quartz.]

[Even so, as the information sinks in, there's the slightest of smiles that tugs at the corners of her mouth - it doesn't spread across her lips, she's too tough for that. But as she speaks her voice shakes as she holds back laughter.]

That is the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard in my life! You've been on Earth too long, Rose! The humans have been rubbing off on you!!

[She's not consciously aware of it, but she's smiling now even as she shakes her head.]

[jamminshield]

[Oh. A smile! He got a smile out of Jasper, and one that wasn't attached to a potentially impending doom! Now that feels good. And it gives Steven hope. Maybe in this place... maybe he might actually have a chance of getting through to her.

Steven responds with a shrug and some nervous laughter.]

Well, what can I say? Y-you know those humans! They sure know how to change a gem!

[A beat.]

Speaking of change, um... Whaaat if I told you that I don't exactly remember my past? [Time to break it to her softly!]

[buffcheetopuff]

[She gives a low, cruel laugh. Humans changing gems, the very idea! Weak gems like you Rose, maybe. But no, not Jasper.]

[But the notion of Rose forgetting everything from the past... that kills the laughter and has Jasper's eyes narrowing.]

What do you mean you don't remember?

[jamminshield]

[He frowns as he looks down.]

Well... It's something that I've wished I could explain to you, but I never got the chance.

I might still have the Rose Quartz gem, but... but I can't remember anything. From... before I looked like this... [He gestures to all of himself.]

[buffcheetopuff]

[That revelation has her grabbing him by the shirt to pull him in closer.]

After everything that happened, the severity of what you've done, you mean to tell me you don't remember any of it??!

[jamminshield]

Ack! [He winces as she pulls him closer.]

Y...es?

[buffcheetopuff]

[So badly she wants to just shake him and scream at him. But for a moment she just stares, then she tosses him back on the ground, growling in disgust.]

How could you...

How could you forget!?