What am I on even?

[theverylast]

[This is a Javik. This is a happy Javik. Javik is happy because he ate all your fish Commander.]

Comments

[shepardsvakarian]

Javik...

[A small sigh.]

You... have a fish tail hanging off your lip. Again. Shepard's not going to like this.

[theverylast]

The commander can always buy more fish.

These last few were delicious.

[shepardsvakarian]

Humans keep fish as pets, Javik. You know they start having strange attachments to animals, right?

[He's even caught her speaking to them sometimes. When they were alive.]

[theverylast]

Another primitive habit I do not understand. Fish are food, not friends.

[shepardsvakarian]

Well the least you could do is pay her for them. I heard those 'delicacies' weren't cheap.

[A beat.]

...How did you catch them?

[theverylast]

It was her choice to buy such expensive fish.

[He'll just...be over here, being a jerk.]

...With my hands.

[shepardsvakarian]

[What. What is that reasoning.]

Look, just... don't invite me into the room when she finds out about this.

[theverylast]

[He does not need reasoning, Primitive. 88|]

...Why would I invite you in the first place?

[And now he's just being a dick.]

[shepardsvakarian]

[....]

Point taken.

[Jerk.]

[pinkspectre]

...I hope my jellyfish sting your guts for the rest of your life.

[ >:| ]

[theverylast]

They were the most interesting.

[>:3]

[pinkspectre]

I was hoping at least my eel would've been too much trouble. [She gives a long, soft sigh.]

Fine. When Tali drinks too much, and you can't turn off your comm, I want you to remember this.

[theverylast]

The eel was a challenge well worth it. [He's just loving this.]

The quarian should not drink so much given her physiology.

[pinkspectre]

She shouldn't, but sometimes we just need to indulge.

Please don't eat my fish ever again. They help me sleep at night. If you're that annoyed with me, we can go down to the cargo hold and beat the crap out of each other like civilized people.

[theverylast]

An indulgence could kill her. [You know...not that he cares or anything.]

I am not annoyed. You have great taste in fish. Many have evolved from the delicacies of my time.

[pinkspectre]

Don't be a mother hen, Javik. That's my job.

You could have asked us to get you some last time we went to the Citadel. My personal pets are not your dinner.

[theverylast]

I am not one of these...mother hens. [What are these even?]

I was not aware the Citadel's shops carried such delicacies. Extras will be needed if you purchase new fish.

[pinkspectre]

I will get you your own fish with a tank for your space. Just don't eat the ones in my tank.

Because otherwise, I am going to introduce you to Conrad Verner. And if you think anyone on this ship is hard to take, he's ten times worse.

[theverylast]

If I have my own there would be little reason to eat yours.

[A pause.]

Who is this Conrad Verner?

[pinkspectre]

The idiotic man I have ever met.

[theverylast]

That does not say much with this cycle.

[reigninginstars]

What did you do, Javik?!

[theverylast]

I had dinner.

[reigninginstars]

[AUUUUUUUUUUUGH]

That's not dinner, those are my fish you just ate!

[ALL THOSE CREDITS...]

[theverylast]

Fish are food, Commander.

[reigninginstars]

[jfsapfiagfjagja]

Those were not food, they were my pets!

[theverylast]

Why would you keep food as pets? The notion is ridiculous.

[reigninginstars]

For a number of reasons.

[A pause.]

Are you saying that your people never kept different animal species as pets?

[theverylast]

At one time, it was possible we did...but they were never things we considered to be food.

[reigninginstars]

Well those fish aren't considered food. Other types of fish are, though.

[brokering]

By the goddess...you didn't.

[theverylast]

I would not lie.

[brokering]

I wish I had known sooner. We could have accommodated so you would not have eaten Shepard's pets.

[theverylast]

I think the need would be obvious, and not simply for myself. What passes for food in the...mess is barely digestible.

[brokering]

If you had told me what you ate it we could have bought something to suit your tastes.

[theverylast]

Were our eating habits not part of your studies? [Yeah, sorry he's...just an ass Liara. I'm sure you know that by now.]

[brokering]

What little I could find did not indicate that fish was in your diet.

[theverylast]

Fish were not a main staple...However, the fish the commander had were descendants of certain delicacies we once enjoyed.

[gayloveinterest]

[ Oh great. Now he's going to have to put a form in to "replace them".]

...Was it really worth it?

[theverylast]

[There's a pause as he considers this question.]

...Yes.

[we_are_harbinger]

[Javik, you have a Reaper staring at you. Because seriously, this is what's stopping him from wiping out all advanced lifeforms?

What is his life?]

[theverylast]

[And you now have a prothean staring back. HDU use a corrupted form of his people. Javik is going to have to shank a bitch.]

[we_are_harbinger]

[Oh, would you have preferred he come down personally? He can if you'd like. But this form is much easier to communicate in.]

[theverylast]

[Oh he'll take pleasure in going after you either way. This form does let him have the satisfaction of punching you in the face though.]

[we_are_harbinger]

[Bring it. He's beaten your species before, he'll do it again.]

Pitiful.

[normandy7]

Is the smile because you enjoyed them, or were you looking forward to seeing my reaction when my aquarium was vacant, Javik?

[theverylast]

They were very delicious, Commander--but the reaction I have received has proven to be entertaining.

[normandy7]

If you were hungry, you could've just said so. It's not like there is a shortage of more palatable fish on the Citadel?