dear_mun | Boarding the hype train (Canon is The Last of Us)

[Yoda listens to the tune for a time. He's always liked music. An outward expression of a person's inner self, he's always thought.]

Hmm. Much turmoil, I sense in you. Love for those you have lost, hate for those who have taken from you. Drive you forward, your hate does.

[He sighs/grumbles. This formula was one all too familiar to him.]

Take care that it does not drive you into that which you hate most.

[Oh my god. Her fingers hover over the strings for a moment, not exactly sure how to respond. Then she takes a breath and another and then...]

Well, it's good that the second list is a hellova lot shorter than the first, then - isn't it.

[She knows that sigh. It's a sound that she's heard most of her life, from just about everyone she was close too. It was a reminder how much of a bad idea she was, murphy's law incarnate - considering all the shit that she's seen and done.

But his words make her frown a little, eyebrows knitting in recollection. She remembers the music mostly, someone had an old vinyl in their stuff at Tommy's encampment. It's rusty, but she manages to pluck out a melody she's always liked, quietly.]

Someone told me a story about a kid you knew. [A beat as she finishes the melody.] You know, you made him that way.

Edited 2016-12-08 05:54 (UTC)

Perhaps, but perhaps not. Once killed your enemies, you have...what then, hmm? What life waits for you at the end of such a path?

[Yoda wouldn't be so grumpy if he hadn't seen so many of his students go bad, lose their lives in momentary decisions. Though he tries to hide it, their lives have always weighed heavily on him.]

To blame, the Jedi ways might be, yes. Chafed, he did, at the idea of detachment. Greedy, his heart was, and impatient. Only through his son did Anakin Skywalker know the love he craved. Where we failed, he redeemed us all.

Where I come from, you either live or you don't. So if I'm alive that's all I can really ask for.

[She has nightmares about it sometimes, about becoming something rather than nothing, hungry and mindless and --

The shiver reminds her not to focus on that kind of thinking. Endure and survive, for every moment you can get.]

Yeah, cause somebody looked him like he was a person for once. You took a kid that had nothing, then dangled a life in front him and told him he couldn't have it. What else was he supposed to do?

[An impertinent question, probably, but Ellie had never been good with keeping her mouth shut.]

Might not have owned him on paper but I bet he still felt the same.

A fair point, you have. When survival is your only option, survive you must.

[Even Yoda, as committed as he was to nonviolence and peace, could admit that.]

Chose his life, Anakin did. Stayed on Tattooine with his mother, he could have, but Anakin chose to become a Jedi. Too old, he was, attached to his mother. Reasons, there are, for not accepting students old as he was, yet strong in the Force, he was. Made a good Jedi, he did, despite his attachment.

[If only he'd listened to anyone, but Anakin always did what he wanted. It got him in trouble as much as it helped anyone. Maybe Qui-Gon had been right all along?]

You really think that was a choice?

[For the first time, in what feels like forever, Ellie sounds as young as she is the weight of the question hollowing any kind of worldly airs she puts on. It's always bewildering to meet an adult like this - so concerned with how they see the world and how the think it should be, they project it on everyone else.

It at least made sense from Joel - he was molded from the same set of things that made her and despite their differences, they'd had that much in common. This thing was a space wizard, he could sway minds with a thought and feel life like it coursed through his own veins.]

I think if you taught him to protect what he had instead of telling him he was wrong for wanting it, he would have been better.

[He's silent for a time, soaking all this in. Ellie had grown into an absolutely beautiful and smart woman, honestly he couldn't be prouder. But there was a lot of hate in her, he just wished that the world didn't harden innocence.]

You've gotten better at playing, kiddo.

I know your friend meant a lot to you Ellie.

[There was a pause. He knew how death affected people, he had been a perfect example. But he didn't want that for Ellie, he didn't want anger to consume her.]

I just hope at the end of the day we can settle; not have to worry about the infected again.

[But that was pushing it, he really doubted that would happen at this point. Government was a laughing stock and infected were constantly at one's doorstep. Even at Tommy's.]

Had a pretty good teacher.

[She can't help the furrow of her brow at 'friend' or the absolutely bitter face she makes.]

Y-yeah.

[ The things they wanted and the things they got rarely matched up. When he mentions settling and not worrying about the infected, her stomach rolls with the memory of the smell of antiseptic and blood.

So she starts playing again, plucking out something that sounds heartbroken.]

So where do we go from here?

[He could see he had worded that statement incorrectly. Ellie dating women didn't really surprise him as much as it would have before the infection started. He had been raised in the south where that sort of thing was incredibly frowned upon.
He sat down beside her with a soft grunt. Getting older made everything you do make you ache. It wasn't fun.]

It's hard to lose your first love Ellie. It aches somethin' awful. It shouldn't have happened the way it did-

[But it did. The outbreak had taken so many lives; be it the actual infected or the humans who were fearful or hardened by the outbreak.]

They stick with you, your first love. I still remember mine, you never really stop loving amd missing them. But- I'm sure someday you'll find someone... Boy or girl who you'll love just as much.

[He paused briefly to consider a good choice.]

Maybe somewhere in Oregon. I hear there's plenty of forest area and farm land in the south. Reck'en that'd be are best choice.

Edited 2016-12-10 19:50 (UTC)

A lot of things happen that shouldn't.

[It's a sigh that makes her sound every bit of her nineteen years, as she wrinkles her nose. Joel's always been weird about this sort of thing and ...well, he's old. It's embarrassing and uncomfortable, but manageable. Then he mentions 'someone else' and her heart hits her stomach.]

No.
[She spits the word, eyes flashing as her gaze snaps up to him in a sharp glare. Heat prickles over her skin in anger, because how could he? Riley was...

Riley was...and wasn't anymore. So she took another breath and shook her head.]

Just - no.

[She clears her throat and drums her fingers lightly on the side of the guitar.]

Oregon sounds good.

Don't go getting soft on me now.

[ hi, ellie. ]

[Ellie tries to strum and misses her key nastily, hands shaking violently because she has to have fucking snapped...right?

She remembers reading about cordyceps after getting back to Tommy's about how it controls the brain and this can't be real

this can't be...]

Who's soft?

[She doesn't even sound like herself, false bravado cracking immediately into a voice that sounds choked. She breathes three times before she feels stable enough to talk and so fucking small]

Here to tell me my taste sucks again?

Edited 2016-12-14 01:51 (UTC)

[ apparition, figment, corporeal, dead, alive — whichever riley is, all that matters is that she's here now, quirking her mouth at ellie like none of the bad shit happened. the ugly, infected bite mark on her palm, however, says otherwise. ]

Nah, I figured I'd cut you a break. You've kinda earned it.

[ she moves closer, slowly and steadily, not wanting to freak ellie out any more than she already has. ]

So, are you going to play me something or what?

[ an attempt at normal, even if her being here is far from. ]

[It's a miracle Ellie stays quiet at 'earned it', though she flashes a broad, hysteric smile. She isn't afraid, exactly, it's this mess of emotions - terror and anticipation and a little bit of dread that has her feeling strange and unlike herself.

Riley steps forward and Ellie looks up to meet her gaze. She looks like a memory, down the bite on her palm and as she approaches, the fear just seems to dissolve. It doesn't really matter if this isn't real anymore - it sure is fucking happening.]

You're such an asshole...

[There's no small measure of fondness in her grousing as she moves to give Riley somewhere to sit. Checking the tune of the of the guitar, she starts strumming.
As she sings, there are parts of of the song that show how her voice is settling and others where you can hear how young she still is.

She still plays a little after the last word, until she lets the note trail. Glancing over, she can't help the little flutter her heart does. It's like something out of a book, trying to show off for someone you like.]

So...?

[ as ellie budges up, riley takes a final step forward, twisting her body to sit down beside the other girl, knees bent over the side of the creaky mattress. the familiarity of it sending her back to the room they shared back in boston, small and militaristic, but thiers. a place away from all the bullshit, until it wasn't. ]

[ this isn't about the fireflies or marlene or the total suckfest that was the quarantine zone governed by strict military rule. it's about her and ellie. curling her fingers around the mattress' edge, riley leans back a little, neck craned to face ellie as her eyes alternate between the guitar and the girl playing it, catching everything as she listens intently, a crease to her brows. that's when the guilt creeps in. what went down at the mall all her fault and no one else's and, god, if only they could go back somehow so she could change it, fix it. ]

Well, if that was you trying to serenade me, it worked. [ she throws out with a grin, her tone light. then, immediately after: ] In all seriousness, though, I think you're pretty damn good.

[ a moment of silence follows, but riley doesn't allow it to last long, the subject of music acting mostly as neutral ground, a distraction from all of the things she wants to say but doesn't know how. ]

Do you … do you still have the tape I made for you?

Oh, come on...

[It's easier to play it off, to act like she's a little aboutShe misses Riley the way she's sure the way Joel misses the way the world used to be, under all that bitterness that it's never going to be that way again.

Ellie can't help but flush at the compliment, heart aching because she knows that whatever this is can't last. It feels too good to see her her smile, just like it felt when they'd danced in the mall. Everything went to hell when she was happy, why should this be any different?

It turns out, it kind of isn't. Not when Riley asks that.

For a moment, she can only blink. She'd sooner lose a finger than lose that tape, carrying the walkman despite it being long past working. Instead of saying anything that might betray her offense and ruin the moment she reaches down fishes the thing out of her bag, holds it up for Riley to examine it herself.]

Boarding the hype train (Canon is The Last of Us)

I'd throw a Joel at you if I had one. Alas, have a tiny green grandpa instead

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HYPE HYPE HYPEEEEE

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I'm going to assume ellie probably came out to Joel a couple years after Tommy's

'What kind of girl wouldn't like a boy like that?' 'I dunno. Don't like boys'

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mun is screaming right now

same here!

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