canon is Peaky Blinders

[devoutish]

It's been, what, a month for you, right? A little over a week for me, because this place you've plopped me down in moves more slowly in time. Point is - I can already tell that you and me are gonna be bad fucking trouble. So what we're gonna do is, we're gonna make a contract. I'll handle the drafting of it, don't you worry about that. Then you'll sign it, yeah, and we'll be all squared away. And let me just say, because I know you're thinking it - I don't want to hear any of this nonsense about you not taking directions from me because I'm not real, because I'm fictional, because you don't actually believe in me, none of that. We are going to look at this from my perspective, right, and from my perspective I am very much a living, breathing person. Use your fucking imagination. You're supposed to be good at that, aren't you? Yeah.

Fucking hell. Do all players give us this much trouble, or is it just you?

Comments

[disorder_heaven]

All players do. Very much, all players do.

[devoutish]

Still, there's got to be some that are better than others, yeah? The ones who'll only put you up on the nice memes, ones like that.

[disorder_heaven]

Yeah, no. They're pretty much all insane. We're called puppets for a reason.

[devoutish]

Puppets. Haven't heard that one yet. I cannot say that I like it.

[disorder_heaven]

Tell me about it, yo. Hope you get stuck in a happy fantasy town instead of Silent Hill, or something.

[devoutish]

It's a snowy wasteland, currently.

[disorder_heaven]

Yeah. Good luck with that. At least it's not, I dunno, the goddamn sun or something.

[devoutish]

If it was, I'd be fucking dead, wouldn't I.

[disorder_heaven]

Maybe? I dunno, I've seen people live through some weird shit.

[devoutish]

I haven't got powers - I'm all human, me. You put me on the sun, and I'm roasted.

[disorder_heaven]

Ehhh... Yeah, me too. Dude, I don't even like July in Japan. If I was any closer to the sun I'd start smelling like fried chicken.

[devoutish]

Don't know much about Japan, but it gets sweltering in the summer where I'm from. I'd still take it over freezing near to death right now.

[disorder_heaven]

Man, see, that's where our opinions don't match. I'd rather be cold. You can wrap up as much as you want when you're cold, but when you're hot, there's only so much you can take off before it starts being illegal and/or deadly.

[devoutish]

Not there, we can't. Limited supplies, no heating. Ever experienced weather that's thirty degrees below zero?

[disorder_heaven]

Yeah, the ninth layer of Hell was like that. Not fun.

[devoutish]

The what, mate?

[disorder_heaven]

Nothing, nothing.

Um, good luck in your game. Hope your player isn't too much of an axewound.

[devoutish]

You're really gonna drop "ninth layer of hell" and just walk away?

[disorder_heaven]

Um... Yeah?

Is that bad?

[devoutish]

It's a bit fucking bizarre, yeah.

But my people don't even believe in that sort of hell, so you're safe from too much questioning, eh?

[disorder_heaven]

Yeah, I guess. Normally I don't talk much with... You know, people. So generally I'm free from that kind of obligation.

[devoutish]

Isn't the ninth the worst? Did something bad, did you.

[disorder_heaven]

Yyyeah, you could say that.

[devoutish]

Yeah? That's too bad. So have I, but-- well. Don't believe in it, like I said. You think that'll spare me?

[disorder_heaven]

One of my headmates says he doesn't believe in the usual Heaven or Hell because he doesn't believe you can scare people into true goodness.

As for me, I actually prefer Earth to Heaven. So... I guess you go where you believe in going.

[devoutish]

Mm. You can scare people into acting good, even if you can't scare it into their hearts. But that wouldn't be true goodness, would it? Yeah. I would agree with your friend.

[disorder_heaven]

I'll be sure not to pass the message along. But... Yeah, so do I. And angels aren't exactly sunshine and roses, either, so just do whatever and you'll end up dying and then what, right?

[devoutish]

Is that your professional advice, as an experiencer of hell?

[disorder_heaven]

As an experience...r... Of both Heaven AND Hell? Yeah, I almost never see humans in either. So I dunno where you guys go where you die, but from what I know, it sure as hell ain't Heaven.

[devoutish]

Who do you see, then?

[disorder_heaven]

Angels and demons, mostly?

[devoutish]

The Biblical sort?

[disorder_heaven]

No. Our version of God is an angel who thought they were God. And Heaven and Hell are both quite visible to humans.

[ He's a bit surprised you're still talking to him, too; he's really not good at the "people" thing. ]

[devoutish]

So this is one of them other worlds sort of things, is it. Yeah. But you've still got Japan; that's interesting. Have you got England?

[disorder_heaven]

It's an alternate dimension. My universe and Japan are in two different worlds. I portal-jumped to Earth.

I've read about England, so...yeah, I guess. Never been, though. Don't get out much.

[devoutish]

I never would have guessed.

[There's... definitely some sarcasm in there; sorry, Lucifer.]

[disorder_heaven]

[ He doesn't blame you, but yeah, his sarcasm detector beeped, at least. ]

Hey, I'm not flying around the world to see a giant clock tower and eat scones, okay?

[devoutish]

No portal-jumping to England, then?

[disorder_heaven]

Not if I want to keep all my limbs attached. My um... "guardian" would be pretty PO'd if I wasted my energy doing something like that.

[devoutish]

[He can practically hear the quotes around guardian.]

A parent?

[He's betting not.]

[disorder_heaven]

More like a boss. But I'm his dependent in this world.

[ Normally he wouldn't talk so freely like this, but he's rather genre-savvy and knows exactly what Dear_Mun is and what it's used for, so here's an encyclopedia of The Worst Demons Ever. ]

[devoutish]

Smart to obey him, then. Listen to the boss.

[disorder_heaven]

Dude, no. My boss is literally Satan. He gives the WORST advice.

[devoutish]

Oof. And not a job you can just quit, eh?

[disorder_heaven]

Nah. Not one I'd even really want to, but we're on a sort of forced-hiatus due to the portal jump, so... Everything's kind of boring.