dear_mun | what am I even doing - canon is Preacher (the TV series)

Y'can't expect people like this t'be 'tall reasonable, luv. Jus' greedy little blighters who want nothin' more than t'beat everyone else t' the punch, aye?

This one's pretty impulsive, but what can I say? I like impulsive.

And if I hadn't've been the first one to catch on, it probably would have been you.

Impulsive's all well and good for some. Mine's jus' obsessed. Bit creepy, really.

Aye? That right? Can't say I can blame them much. Gorgeous face, mine. Who wouldn't want t'be lookin' at this?

She would've lamented that fact, though, because, and I'm just quoting here, she's 'already got too damn many vampires'.

And while I can't say much as to quality, I've definitely seen worse faces.

There such a thing as too many? Well, suppose if that's all yeh've got, it can come off as a bit.. much.

Oh come on. Can't be that bad, can it? Blame it on a rough night. Mornin'. Whatever. Haven't gotten any proper beauty sleep, have I? Not exactly the Ritz, is it?

Really I oughtn't poke fun, I'm the one who's been sleeping in her car for a while now. And yeah, it's a saturation point kind of thing, but thing is? I don't think she's actually got any right now, she sure used to, though. Maybe it's the same thing.

We should trade beauty tips. You tell me how to get me hair lookin' as lovely as yours after havin' a night in a car, and I'll tell yeh how to stay lookin' as beautiful as me. Though, can't say my methods'd be effective for yeh unless yer lookin' t'do a dramatic life-change.

Maybe she's sick of the lot of us. Tend to be needy, whingy little bastards, us. Always mopin' about whinin' about dead friends and the curse o'livin' forever. Not so bad, really. Best part is no overdosin'.

Well that's easy, one part genetics and one part keeping it tied up overnight. And I can't say as I'm in the market for your brand of dramatic life change, but thanks for the offer all the same.

Now that'd be a handy skill to have for some people I know.

Ah, see, that's where I'm gettin' it wrong. [ He pushes a hand through his hair and grins. ] Haven't got enough t' tie up, have I? 'Course, don't imagine yer hair gets messy like mine does. Haven't got enough eh... spring to it, me.

That right? Sound like a riot to party with. Could be fun.

[She grins in turn] I like that that's the part you focus on instead of the genetics. Smart man.

I'm going to guess you can actually use a comb on yours though, try that with mine it just ends up a poofy mess.

Been 'round for a bit. Smarter than I look, aye? [ He gives a playful wink and laughs. ]

True, true. Haven't got much use for 'em really. Not much t'comb through. Then, doesn't look quite as fabulous as yers, does it?

[She can't help but wink back, clicking her tongue] Hey now, there's plenty could have had twice your time and done half as much with it.

[And then with a theatrical head-toss] Nobody's comes close to being as fabulous as mine, though, so that's just an unfair comparison all around.

Aye, see! Lady know what she's talkin' about! Ha! After me own cold, dead heart yeh are!

Ohh now yer jus' showin' off! Can't say I don't love me a woman wi' confidence, though. Can't stand them demure types. So boring. Not as many're freaks in bed as yeh might think, now. Shame, that.

That is a damn shame it what that is. Nowhere near as many of them as I've been led to believe.

I know, I know. Believe me, any disappointment yer feelin'? More than doubled fer me. Chased that carrot down too many ravines for me own likin'.

But real, honest wild women? Hold nothin' back. Yer all just as you say on the tin, sometimes better. And fun, too! Yeh can't party wit' one of them churchmouse types. Sure, you might be able to get 'em to show some bra, but the bad girls yank that shit right off, and that's why we love 'em.

You say that as if the real wild ones are even wearing one in the first place.

Aye?

[ He looks over his sunglasses at her, not at all shy about trying to determine if that's her case. ]

Suppose that's a good call. Not much use keepin' it round if it's just gonna get tossed or lost anyway.

[As far as she's concerned she hasn't got enough breast to warrant wearing a bra which is an entirely different category than 'wild' and she just arches a brow right back, folding her arms.]

And they're fuckin' expensive to replace. Safer just to go without if that's what's going to happen anyway.

Never had t'think about that. Just kept 'em for trophies mostly. All shapes and sizes, they were. Every colour and pattern y'can think of, I'd had it. Could've probably suffocated meself in a few if I really tried.

[ He laughs fondly. ]

Bit of a hassle keepin' em round, though. Dunno how you ladies do it. But goin' without just makes it easier for handsy sort of blokes like me, doesn't it? Everyone's a winner, and the prize is tits. Beautiful, that is.

[That gets an actual laugh, sudden and a little sharp] Tits are an excellent prize. Like you said, everybody wins in that scenario.

Ahh I see where your humour lies. Can't lie to ol' Cassidy, can yeh? See, that's why I think You and me? We're gonna be great friends, aren't we?

Well I should hope so, because someone's going to have to keep our mutual friend on track, and the Good Lord knows I can't do it myself.

Dunno 'bout whatever yeh've got in mind, but I've got no intentions of keepin' him on the straight-and-narrow, friend. If I can't have someone t' drink wi', or tell rude jokes wi', then what the living fuck am I doing in bloody Annville, Texas, for Christ's sake?

Seems t'be just about the only reasonable sort of person in town, present company excluded, o'course.

Oh Lord no, nothing like that, just someone to remind him of who he really is and keep him from going off the rails too bad.

Bit of mayhem's alright, when it's needed, but ain't the kind of thing a body should do just for fun.

Aye, right yeh are. I mean, can't say I know too well what he was before, but Can't say I won't keep him out of trouble. I can indulge in a little necessary mayhem. Got to have some mayhem, says I. Can't say there'll be much of that in short supply 'round here, eh?

These days, Too much fun and mayhem gets yeh spotted by the wrong sort. Didn't used to think that was possible but... [ He shrugs. ] Minor problem. Annoyance, really. Nothin' I can't handle.

He was different, started getting into mayhem for the fun of it instead of the necessity, somehow came back around to being the one you met and now...

[She sighs, shaking her head.] I don't even know what to say now.

What, yeh decided that he shouldn't be gettin too rowdy and now yer upset that he's done just that? Can't get much further from rowdy than bein' a bloody preacher, now can yeh?

[ He shakes his head and lights up a cigarette. ]

Can't say I understand that line of thought, luv.

That's what the problem was, necessary mayhem is all well and good, takes a certain sort of person to be able to do that, and Jesse was that sort of person. Still is, the way I hear it.

But necessary sort of fell by the wayside, went off the rails in a bad way and started getting into mayhem for the fun of it, and that is not the sort of person anyone should be.

Throws a right mean punch, I can tell yeh that much at least. Dunno what sort you two were up ta, but seemed to handle himself jus' fine, he did. 'Course, probably didn't hurt that them blokes he was roughin' up were some sorry shits who just wanted themselves a cock-measurin' contest, I reckon.

[ He puffs his cigarette and raises an eyebrow. ]

That so? And say yeh were t'meet a person who took a bit of revelry in bein' a hooligan now and then, what might y'say to that person?

[She shrugs] Now and again ain't a problem, that's the sort that you'd call necessary. But when it starts turning into looking for trouble just for the sake of it, that's when a person ought to sit right down and take a long hard look at why they're doing what they're doing.

[ He pauses, looking a little confused, and also looking a little like maybe she's grown a horn out of her forehead. ]

Cos.. it's fun? Are yeh against fun, now? I think I may have severely misjudged yer character. If y'can't do things for fun, then yeh just end up bein' a sack of sorry misery and regrets. Don't like regrets, me. S'why I haven't got any, see?

Ain't against fun at all. Let me break this down.

[She ticks off on her fingers as she speaks] If the people you're causing mayhem to deserve it, then it's necessary and just happens to be fun on top of that.

If they don't deserve it, but they'll recover, you'd better apologize and make sure it doesn't happen again.

If they don't deserve it and they won't recover, now that's when we've got a problem.

Suppose. Usually when it gets t'that point, I'm just about ready to skip town anyhow. Aftermath gets t'be such a pain t'deal with.

Been tryin' ta keep myself from needin' t'go that far of late if I can help it. I like some towns. Would like t' be able ta go back t'some if need be.

Well there you go, still know the difference between necessary and for the hell of it.

Means you aren't too far gone yourself.

Oy, I take a great offence to that. I happen t'pride meself on bein' a lowlife degenerate.

[ He grins. ]

Can't have yeh goin' 'round spreadin' rumours that I'm a decent person, now can I?

[She stifles a laugh, but only barely, hands on her hips] Now there is a world of difference between 'decent' and 'not too far gone' [She gives him a wink then] so I think your reputation's safe.

[ He makes as though he's giving the statement some serious thought, chin rub and all. ]

No. No, I don't think so. Harmin' me brand image, yeh are. Think that deserves a little mayhem. Can't have the populous thinkin' Ol' Cassidy's gone soft, aye?

[She shrugs, though once again she's trying not to smile] Fair enough, if that's what you've got to do.

Oh, it is, luv. It is. Seat for two. Unless yer so high above mayhem and fun, o'course.

[She arches a brow] Well now that just depends. Whoever's having mayhem done to 'em, they deserve it?

Oh, would you look at yeh, there. So narrow-minded, yeh are, y'know that, right? Tell me, now, why's mayhem got t'do with causin' hurt on people, now? Seems t'me that You [ He makes a dramatic pointing at her. ] have forgotten how to have fun.

So focused on violence, revenge and that. How bloody American can yeh get? No, no, no, no. Real mayhem, the fun kind, has t'do with ingesting far too much alcohol and alcohol-related beverages, and messin' about! I'm talkin' property damage! Practical jokes! Crashin' parties we haven't been invited ta! Drugs! Drivin' round, seein' what -- well, okay, someone might get hurt there, but not bloody likely that late at night. Nobody on the roads, see.

[ He grins wide. ]

Doesn't that sound like more fun than hurtin' on someone, now?

Ohh, havoc for the heck of it. I like the way you think.

[Her smile isn't quite as sharp as his, but has a dangerous edge all the same.] Haven't done that since I was a teenager. Consider me counted in.

what am I even doing - canon is Preacher (the TV series)

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