voice!testing this guy! Are spoilers still a thing?

[burdenofguilt]

[Holds up a hand.] Just to be clear, I don't - I don't need this. I've been on my own a long time, I'm pretty sure I know how to handle it. [Except he can't. He really, really can't.]

[Matt's the absolute worst at handling anything. Burying his head in the sand or, better yet, burying his fists in the faces of people who deserve it is more than just a coping mechanism now. It's a survival instinct.]

[Who're you even kidding, Matt? Seriously.] Connections are a distraction. They get people hurt, that's a fact, and I don't think I can take much more of it.

Comments

[havent_the_foggiest]

You don't... really think that, do you?

[ You guys might not be as close as you used to be, but he's still worried about you, Matt. ]

[burdenofguilt]

I - I don't know. [That's a lie and a pretty obvious one. Matt knows damn well.] I think - I think a part of me needs to believe it.

It's too risky, Foggy. It's just too risky. [He can't endanger people anymore, not more than they already are. Foggy included.]

[havent_the_foggiest]

Man, everything's risky anymore.

[ That's not to say he doesn't agree, but he doesn't have to like it. ]

Like it or not, Matt, you're connected to a lot of people. I don't care if you think it makes you.. distracted or whatever it is you think. You're trying to protect us, I get that.

But don't you think we stand to be given the opportunity to protect ourselves, too?

[burdenofguilt]

[A little too quickly~] Of course I do, Foggy, of course you deserve at least that much but - but until you can explain to me precisely how you - how anybody can do that and still get out alive, I can't let you.

[Let it be him, Foggy. Matt can take the punishment, the beating's. He's trained his whole life for it. It has to be him.] I'm sorry but that's the truth. I just can't.

[havent_the_foggiest]

Well, for starters, most of us don't make a habit of pissing off ninjas. And besides, we've got guns, bats, and probably kung fu lessons or something.

[ He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. ]

Look, Just because you do dangerous shit doesn't mean you have to.. you know, be alone. It's not good for you. We survived an alien attack here in New York, genius. I have personally survived explosions and gunshot and almost got my ass kicked by scary bikers, but I'm still here. Karen's still here.

We can be fine. You can be too. I know I can't.. talk you out of doing this shit but.. you're still my friend. Even if things are weird. I haven't stopped caring about you, Matt.

[burdenofguilt]

[I'm still here. Matt very nearly scoffs at that, choking it back at the last second, a muscle in his jaw twitching. He mutters under his breath~] Yeah, barely.

I know that, Foggy. [He hasn't forgotten it for even a second, how deeply Foggy cares for his friends and how little he's done to deserve that kind of loyalty.] But I've been selfish. As long as you care about me, Foggy, you'll never be truly safe and I - [Matt shakes his head, nudges his glasses more firmly onto the bridge of his nose, twitchy, hiding.] - I can't ask you to do that. Not for me.

[havent_the_foggiest]

[ Foggy does scoff at that, and he shakes his head, chewing his lip for a moment. ]

You do not want to go down that path with me, Matt, talking about not being there. Where the hell have you been?

[ He folds his arms, not having expected to get this mad so soon. Matt's his friend, and he's hurting. And no matter how awkward things have gotten, or tense, Foggy always thought of himself as someone loyal, even to jerks, apparently. ]

Look. Worrying about me or Karen or anyone else... Being a dick and trying to "protect" us from whatever... it's not going to help. In fact, it just hurts worse. I... trust you, Matt. Yes, even now. I know you're trying to do the right thing but.. god dammit, you suck at it.

You're hurting people who care about you and pushing them away. More importantly, what about you, huh? You're not always gonna be able to get home fine on your own, or get to a doctor. You're hurting yourself here, too. And... correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that one of those 'sin' things?

[burdenofguilt]

[Something tightens in Matt's jaw, his mouth thinning to a severe line.] That isn't what I meant, Foggy. You're here and I appreciate it -- [Foggy really has no idea just how much. The dude freakin' love you, man.] -- but let's not forget that you got shot. You could so easily not be here and it - it makes me sick to think that you might not be some day. [And all because of him.]

[It's hypocritical and ten kinds of messed up but, in the end, Matt's convinced that he needs Foggy a hell of a lot more than Foggy needs him. Foggy can forge on ahead, make a life without him, live the way he's meant to and that's just as it should be. If something were to ever happen to Daredevil, to Matt, he's confident that Foggy will be able to move past it.] As for my sins... I think it's probably a little late to start repenting for all the things I've done wrong.

[havent_the_foggiest]

Yeah, I got shot. Big deal. I mean, okay yeah it was a big deal, but it's Hell's Kitchen, man! I'm just glad I made it this far without getting shot! And whether I get shot or not... unless you're the one with the gun in your hand, it's. Not. Your. Fault.

[ He sighs and pushes his hand through his hair again, rubbing the back of his neck. Matt's never been one to do things halfway, and He's kind of always hated him for it. ]

Well, it's not like God's on a timetable, Matt. You gotta start somewhere. If.. you really wanna make things right, you can't just wallow in it, man.

[burdenofguilt]

Then - then tell me how to do that, Foggy. Tell me what I should do. [He's struggling here, Foggy, sinking down into the hole he's dug for himself and he just doesn't know how to climb back out.] Just don't tell me to stop because I can't.

I can't and I'm sorry.

[havent_the_foggiest]

[ It's a good thing Matt can't see him, because the look on his face is a little distressed. He's not sure exactly how to answer that. ]

Look, I... I don't have a good answer for you. I'm not a priest. But... I think a good start would probably be not to piss off and alienate the people who care about you, you know? And... you know, maybe try to be a little more careful. If you're by yourself and don't look after yourself, then who the hell is?

[ He shakes his head and looks down. ] I just... I watch the news every day.. I get scared, Matt. I just.. I'm scared that someday I'm gonna turn it on and see, "Daredevil Matt Murdock found Dead in warehouse in shipping district" or something. I know you're not afraid of much but the rest of do that for you.

[clairetemple_rn]

Matt, you're not alone. Like I told you: I'll be there to patch you up.

[burdenofguilt]

What, haven't had enough late night phone calls? [He certainly appreciates the offer - God knows he's taken advantage of it often enough - but he knows that things can't be the way they were before. They have to change, for her benefit as much as his.]

[clairetemple_rn]

Ha, very funny. I truly do care about you, Matt.

[burdenofguilt]

Well. [Genuine affection that doesn't come from Foggy? Matt doesn't entirely know what to do with that except to duck his head and shrug it off, hiding behind a polite smile.] It's good to know someone does.

For real, you want to thread, she's here. Nat is too.

[clairetemple_rn]

There are more people than you know. I'm always here to talk or patch you up.