(no subject)

[tonysitter]

I really appreciate the sentiment, mun. I assure you, I haven't been shelved or set aside. The decision was more mine than his.

I'm worried about him, too.

Comments

[im_ironman]

All things considered, I don't think anyone can really blame you for your decision.

[tonysitter]

I really don't think so either. [And she doesn't really care what anyone else thinks. It should be a private matter, shouldn't it?]

...but this was kind of the sort of thing I was afraid of. [That wasn't entirely true. She wouldn't have even imagined this level of pandemonium coming from all this.]

Are you...[Okay? Retreating to your vices?]...are you glad you know the truth, though? [Or is this the one thing in the world Tony Stark would've preferred not knowing?]

[im_ironman]

[There's a tired sigh that escapes him but he nods very slightly.] ...it would have happened sooner or later. The whole government involvement, with everything that has happened, they couldn't--... For that, the Accords was the lesser of two evils.

I'm... Yeah. Would have been nice to find out in other ways, but. Yeah.

[tonysitter]

I'm sorry, Tony. [She can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. In his shoes, she'd probably prefer ignorance...wouldn't she?]

What's next? [She is hesitant to offer her help, considering...but--] I mean, after Rhodes gets through re-hab. [She could help with that, at least.]

[im_ironman]

It's... [What, 'fine'? Talk about a lie.]

Right now I'm just focusing on Rhodey. The rest... [Hasn't changed, he almost says because he's technically still part of the Accords, and if someone needs him he still needs to fly out there. Does she want to hear that, though?] I'm trying to figure out the rest.

[tonysitter]

[Pepper's eyebrows lift, and she tilts her head, appearing to fiddle with her cell phone.] Look, if you need something to do...

[She may not be all that responsible for your well-being (oh, like she could stop herself), but she does like job security and would be happy to keep you out of that scenario.]

...I'm sure there's quite the 'to-do' list piling up for you, unless that's too mundane for your tastes these days.

[im_ironman]

I have plenty to do. Just no interest to do it.

[Its not the usual Tony Stark Apathy Towards Work attitude at play; there's something deeper and almost darker that crosses through his face.]

Right now my focus is just Rhodey. It's the least I can do.

[tonysitter]

[Pepper observes Tony's facial expression at that response. She can tell it's not because he has something else he'd rather be doing--or maybe he does, but it just can't be done?]

I think helping Rhodes is a good start. I'm sure it means the world to him, not being alone through this. [And it's good that you have a friend to focus on, at that.]

[im_ironman]

Yeah.

[I miss you, he wants to say, it's choking him from how desperately he wants to say it, but he already feels too exposed and reeling to say it in case the conversation goes south.]

Are you... How are you?

[tonysitter]

[Pepper was always good at keeping her true feelings concealed. On the other hand, she sometimes came off a little too stiff, too professional.]

Oh...[She sighs, pressing her lips together and shifting her eyes to the side.]...you know. One day at a time. Trying not to stalk ex's on the Internet to make sure I'm not the last to know if they're dead.

[im_ironman]

[And Tony... He's a master of masks and hiding behind an armor that's not necessarily red and gold, but he's tired, and by now he knows Pepper knows him all too well to fool her into thinking he's perfectly fine.]

Your ex sounds pretty awful. [He pauses, but it's brief.] I'm sure you wouldn't be the last to know, though.

[tonysitter]

[A small smile tugs at one side of her mouth, but she doesn't make eye contact.] He had his moments---but outside of the whole 'not sure if he'll be alive when I wake up' thing..."

[Pepper wouldn't count on it.] Right. I'd probably have to manage the press release.

[God, she hated these morbid discussions.] But! You look alive. [At best.]

Your Pepper is lovely <3

[im_ironman]

Oh. One of those, huh?

[Pauses.] Is that really what you think?

...yeah. Made it. [He even smiles, but it's a little too tight to be genuine.]

Love the username - absoutely fits!

[talksciencetome]

...so...it's that finalized, eh? Signed, sealed, delivered, all that jazz?

[A nicer, less-Tony way of saying that would have been 'Is there no fixing this?']

Thank you! ♥ Admittedly it's kinda old~

[tonysitter]

[She shouldn't be surprised to see you reading between the lines.]

Well, we said 'a break'. Pretty sure there were conditions to that, and last I checked you were a master fixer-upper.

[She doesn't mean to sound cheeky about it, but she was hoping it wasn't 'forever', either. It's not like she found some bigger, better deal out there.]

And yet, pretty much, it still applies :)

[talksciencetome]

Yeah...the master fixer-upper just tryin' to do what's right for everyone...

[And ends up being blind to what's ACTUALLY happening. Is what runs through his mind. It's one time that Tony doesn't vocalize his thoughts, which usually come pouring out in one massive run-on sentence. And he hates it - he's never held back from her before. Not this way; it feels wrong.]

[There's a smile on his face, but there's frustration behind it. Pain. Trying to mask how much it all actually bothers him. As if he's convincing himself that it's not as big a deal as it is.]

Gotta' start somewhere somehow, right?

[There are so many other things to worry about...Rogers, Rhodey, Bucky...everything he's learned. Everything that's happened, it's messed with his head.]

[And yet, still, his priority is right in front of him.]

ISTG if she doesn't pop up in one of the next movies I'm gonna...

[tonysitter]

...at the expense of doing what's right for you.

[Philathropy has always been the salve for Tony's wounds. It was, in some ways, his way of 'fixing it'. If he was miserable, making it better for others would distract him, at least for a time.]

You know, the people that really matter--if you keep killing yourself trying to be everything to everyone, that ends up hurting them, too.

[What is she doing? 'Counselor' is no where to be seen on her CV.]

RIGHT??? It hurt my heart seeing CW without her...

[talksciencetome]

Yeah, well...in some cases that's a willing sacrifice.

[Which is probably the most mature sentence he's ever spoken to her. But a thought occurs to him as he looks up to her, his mouth a crooked line - sure enough though, she beats him to the punch.]

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[He shakes his head a bit, pushing his hand through his hair before he raises his head to look at her again.]

...that's what happened, isn't it.

[He was so caught up in everything; saving the world, saving his friends - it took his attention away, it took him away from what really matter. From who really mattered.]

C'mon GOOP throw us a bone and give us Pepper!!!

[tonysitter]

It started out fine. [She pressed her lips together. Solutions are born from compromise. She could give him that much, at least.] When you acted on conviction.

[She knew he probably wouldn't see it. They'd already gone down this road, but she and Tony were both nothing if not stubborn, so she'd go down the same road again if there was even an inkling of a chance that he'd hear something new.] But when that conviction started to turn into guilt...you stopped caring. You got reckless.

[Can't he see the difference?]

Tony needs his lady!!

[talksciencetome]

[That word...it resonates with him. Is it true? Does he lack conviction?]

[He can see it, really he can. The guilt he feels, everyone who has suffered because of him and the 'good' he's been trying to do. It's horrible. But he can't admit it out loud.]

How can it be that I stopped caring? How can you think that? I've done nothing but care! For you, for Rhodey, for everyone on this God-forsaken rock!

[tonysitter]

[And this is how the arguments started. At first they were just little remarks here and there, but they chipped away at each other, and here they were.]

I didn't say anything about not caring, Tony! You just aren't going about it rationally anymore.

[You know that saying? 'Too much of a good thing'? You've got conviction--you've got conviction to the extreme, and therein lies the problem.]

[talksciencetome]

[He nods slowly, he has to agree on that point.]

[Tony sighs and rubs his hand over his face.]

It's hard to go about things rationally when the things that threaten this planet aren't rational.

[tonysitter]

[And this is where Pepper couldn't entirely blame Tony. Her instinct was to remind him that he should be listening to his friends around him--but recently--well, she doesn't know just how many of his friends were all that level-headed, either.]

I'll give you that. But unlike before, you aren't exactly alone in this fight.

[talksciencetome]

[He sighs, she's right, to a degree. But he shakes his head a little.]

Yeah, well my so-called 'friends' aren't exactly what I'd call reliable these days. I don't know who to trust, and it seems like if I don't handle it, it gets screwed up somehow.

[tonysitter]

To be fair, at least one of them is in worse shape than you are.

[A small smile and a shrug.] Maybe they've realized that they need a break, too.