![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
voicetesting an ooooooold muse XD
Well, this is interesting.
Over ten years and you're picking me up again. I makes me wonder how long it's going to last this time, though, considering your track record. Not to be malicious, just wondering.
[Smiling calmly, he lights a cigarette.]
But I guess now that you finally got to read some new material, I can understand your enthusiasm. I don't really mind coming along for the ride, as long as Ritsuka doesn't call me.
Over ten years and you're picking me up again. I makes me wonder how long it's going to last this time, though, considering your track record. Not to be malicious, just wondering.
[Smiling calmly, he lights a cigarette.]
But I guess now that you finally got to read some new material, I can understand your enthusiasm. I don't really mind coming along for the ride, as long as Ritsuka doesn't call me.
no subject
I'm squealing so much ❤ sorry in advance for my rustiness!
Of course.
[The response is almost robotic. "So obedient it's almost boring" were Seimei's words not long ago, and Soubi is still obedient to a tee. But that doesn't mean his thoughts are completely free of misgivings. He isn't used to this, this sense of discontent, this bizarre feeling of will.
Honestly, he doesn't like it.]
May I ask a question?
[Yes, asking permission. That resets his equilibrium somewhat.]
I'm rusty too, so no worries! <3
This must be uncomfortable for you. Your soul shrivels up when you are without a Master.
[So, really, he is doing him a kindness, right?]
Only if it isn't tiresome.
Your Seimei is wonderful!
[It's not a question, just a soft echo of the word Seimei speaks. It's funny, even after all this time, Seimei's voice still reverberates through him like the voice of God, and he wonders how his soul managed to exist without hearing it for two years. But now, that beautiful voice is damning, and the beauty of it hurts him for worse than it did in the old days. But now, there is no way to go back to those days. Sometimes, Soubi envies Ritsuka, because he thinks it might be a beautiful tragedy to forget, to be burdened by nothing.
Rather than agreeing with Seimei's words, he let's them linger in the air between them. Because Seimei is the sort of master someone like Soubi needs, someone who can control and damage and command. So the fact that he isn't wholly happy to be back in his command unsettles him.
Ritsuka truly has changed him.]
Why did you reclaim me?
[He wants to add "you don't even want me", but it's far too insubordinate and he also fears hearing it as truth from Seimei's lips.]
Of course I am yours.
But why now?
So is your Soubi!
spying onwatching others. He doesn't like surprises and Ritsuka is the only one who has been given an opportunity to choose. Everyone else must obey or get out of the way.]You don't sound happy to be with me.
[No one is ever with him and he knows it well. But if that entices Soubi - if that will make him feel guilty - he will use it.]
I marked you and you are mine. I have a use for you and I will not let you go until you see it through.
Thank you so much! c':
So why does he miss it?]
If the way I sound displeases you, I will change it.
[A beat, and he glances away, because no one ever looks straight at Seimei for long.]
Of course.
[One hand instinctively touches the bandages at his neck, slender fingers ghosting over where that mark that binds him to Seimei until the day he dies.]
Will you permit me to ask what that use is?
[His tone is cautious, subservient even in asking what he so sorely wants to know. Seimei is unpredictable and he knows it.]
no subject
*heart quietly breaks*
[Soubi doesn't know what to say, really. When Seimei told him to follow, he followed, it was as simple as that, but the shockwaves left by the simple action are very clear to him. The expression on Ritsuka's face makes him feel guilty, and he can only look the youngest Aoyagi in the eye for a moment before he hangs his head, unable to explain or justify his actions.
What Seimei said was right; Soubi is the one who made Ritsuka upset. And he hates that. For two years he's wanted to be by Seimei's side, but he never imagined he would come to care so much for someone else, and he never expected to hurt him.]
I'm sorry.
[It's a very simple phrase, and doesn't repair the damage done. But it's all he can offer, because he knows he can't argue with the boy before him on that subject. If Ritsuka called him, he wouldn't come, because he is in Seimei's possession again. But he can't explain why that fact makes him feel sick to his stomach. The idea that he has hurt Ritsuka feels like a bitter weight tying his soul to the ground.]
Do you hate me?
no subject
No.
I want to but no.
[He closes his eyes before just looking at his feet, his ears bent back.]
It would be so much easier to hate you too. [He swallowed.] I wish I could, because you would deserve it. [He's not going to hold back.] Seeing as you told me how much you loved me, were completely aware of what it means to me to have someone in my life who cared for me, and even my accepting you as my fighter! [His fists clenched.] But no, I don't hate you.
Because for every lie you've ever told me, you were always honest about Seimei, and to you, Seimei was always your top priority. You loved because Seimei told you to, you became my fighter because Seimei told you to. So why should I be upset that you left me and returned to his side, Soubi? The marks on your neck say 'Beloved,' not 'Loveless.'
So no, I don't hate you, because you've only ever done what Seimei told you. This is nothing different. I shouldn't have expected you to actually pick me for once.
no subject
If you want to hate me, you can.
[Finally, he looks back at the smaller male, his eyes searching out those dark ones that have never held any malice toward him, never had the intent to hurt him. The fact that it's Soubi who has done the hurting makes him feel sick to his stomach. This sort of crushing guilt is not something he's accustomed to.
A small step forward, closing some of the distance between the two of them, and his hands tremble slightly. He wants to reach out to Ritsuka, wants to touch him, let his fingers fall on his cheek and soothe him somewhat, but he knows he doesn't deserve that privilege any longer, not after choosing Seimei over him. He's always known it was an inevitability, but the reality of it happening isn't something Ritsuka will forgive easily, and he knows it.]
If it's easier for you to hate me, then please...
[Reaching out, just his fingertips brush the collar of Ritsuka's coat, the barest bit of contact, and he feels rooted to the ground, feels heavy.]
Hate me. I'll understand. Please hate me.
[It's easier than the idea of Ritsuka being upset, than him still caring for him, even in all his upset.]
Ritsuka...
[He trails off, and then he looks away miserably. What he wants to say is that leaving him hurt, even if he was going back to where he belonged, even if he was only following the law of his name. What he wants to tell him is that for the first time in his life, Ritsuka has made him question the idea of names, of fate, of the notion that there is nothing more important than what is decided before birth. He has made him want to consider something else, because everything he feels for Ritsuka has nothing to do with names or destiny but something else, and he wants to understand what that is.
He wants to say all of this, but instead he stays silent, he lifts his hand again and closes it gently around the sleeve of Ritsuka's jacket.]
I'm sorry.
Please...
[But he doesn't know how to finish that sentence, and so he just looks at him.]
I'm sorry
[Not that he cares much what troubles you might face. The falsely pleasant sarcasm only really applies to him. He's soooo glad you're still kicking up dust in someone's headspace.]
You're awfully calm for someone who knows exactly what he's getting into.
I am so happy to see Nisei I could scream ❤
[He takes a pensive drag of his cigarette, giving Nisei a distasteful but still curious look. Soubi will never forgive Nisei for being Seimei's sentouki, and he will never understand him or even want to. But it doesn't mean he can't wonder about him.]
What's the point in being irrational? It's happening whether I'm calm or I scream to the heavens, so I think calm suits me better.
And what about you? You're smug for someone in the same boat.
It brings me great joy to be able to inflict him upon others ❤
You got me. It's just so difficult to keep up the tension when you've been around for so long.
[And it has been a long time.]
What it boils down to is which you find worse-- rotting away from disuse or being tossed out like a shiny new toy.
[Personally, he preferred the latter, if he had to pick one.]
It brings me great joy to have him inflicted on Soubi XD ❤
[He gives him a long, searching look, invasive and wondering as he tries to figure out what's going on behind that infuriatingly smug exterior. At this point, his hatred toward Seimei's other fighter is lukewarm at best, giving way to something more like dislike now that he's starting to realize they're not quite so different as he thought. But he still doesn't enjoy his presence, and he still wishes he would just go away.]
I don't think the idea of either. I don't care much for rotting away, but shiny new toys are eventually left to rot, anyway, so even the better option is just going to lead up to the other.
[It's a bleak reality that he's come to understand.]
And I'm sorry as also!
[He's just really happy to see you. Funny, mouthy way of showing it but still. Kio just missed you.]
I can't believe you haven't called me or come over to the apartment! I've been worried! Are you eating well? Have you been sleeping good!? Where have you been!?
Kiooooooo~! ❤
[Soubi gives him a sidelong glance, mouth still occupied with his cigarette, so he takes some time to answer further.]
I've just been here. My mun lost the desire to play me for a decade or so, so you could say I've just been waiting.
[A small, calm smile as he shakes his head.]
You don't need to worry so much. I'm fine, so don't waste your energy fawning over me like a mother hen.
[He obviously missed Kio too.]
❤~! Senpai noticed me!!
[Kio-flail well and truly in mid flow, even as you remain annoyingly, handsomly stoic with that stupid cigarette of yours!]
Huff,huff! You've been waiting?!
[Folded arms, tapping foot. Oh Soubi look what you do to the poor thing. However it all changes when he sees that smile. No matter how small or faint it is, its there and that means more than anything to Kio.
Smiling right back at him, bigger and brighter than ever, Kio flings himself over at his long-lost... er... whatever they are to each other! Linking an arm around and through Soubi's, cheek squished to his shoulder as he coos and dotes like a moron.]
I can waste my energy however I like! -Unless you had any better ideas of how I could waste it? Maybe with you wasting a little of your own too~?
[Annnnd he can't help himself! It's been such a long time since he got to flirt with you, Soubi!]
asdfghsdfgj c': <3 <3
[He twirls the cigarette between his fingers, watching the trails of smoke that snake up toward the ceiling.
Good, he's smiling. That means his melodramatics are going to be less pronounced, or at least less driven toward making him feel guilty for having been gone. The smile stays in place, though an eyebrow also raises at Kio's flirthing.]
I don't have time to waste, Kio.
[It's a polite way of saying 'sorry, not interested' without having to actually say it. Even if he realizes that Kio is most likely not expecting anything at this point.]
I'd have thought you'd give up on that idea by now.