dear_mun | vaguely re. glasskey

If you mean getting sent to one world and being summarily pulled out of it when said world vanished, that would make two of us.

[Not exactly a social butterfly himself, and if the mun could find a world to put him in, in which he can continue his work undisturbed, it would be greatly appreciated.]

That's not it.

[He wouldn't mind heading to a new world as such, and whether it ends up disappearing or not, well... it's not like he can form an opinion on that until it happens, anyway. He'd prefer a world that suits him, but if it doesn't, he just won't stick around.

Be that as it may, in true Akira fashion, he doesn't think to explain his statement at all. There may be one or two people he owes that explanation to, but Herbert isn't one of them.

Just as well, really. Even if he owes some people an explanation - he's hesitant to call it an apology - that doesn't mean he wants to give it to them.]

You don't like being under someone's thumb, then, taking orders from them? I can't say I'm a fan of it, either. I'd much rather answer only to myself.

Sooner or later, you're bound to get orders you don't agree with.

[It's an indirect reply, but at least he bothered giving one at all. He'd claim to be able to deal with taking orders when it's necessary; for example: if he'd ever ended up wanting (or having) to quit Bl@ster and take a regular job. A boss would be telling him what to do, and he could deal with that. (He couldn't.) Everybody can deal with that. (Most likely, he'd end up butting heads sooner rather than later.)

But mafia city was different. Everything had been a matter of life and death - and Akira, who'd started to let people in for probably the first time in his life, found that surprisingly difficult to deal with.]

It can happen with any job, though with some, it's more likely than others. It's a matter of finding a third option wherever you can, and if you can't find one, make one. [He sounds like he's made a few of these, with varying results...]

With this job, the consequences probably wouldn't have been worth it.

[That just makes him sound like a coward, but if he's aware of that in the first place, he ignores it. He isn't - wasn't - looking to save his own skin, though: that would never have posed such a dilemma. If it were just about him, he would have stuck to his guns, and fuck the consequences. But, with the mafia, there was his contract to consider. And that had an effect on more than just himself.

How was he supposed to weigh the life of that person against those of the people he'd met in the Salvaggio Family, though?]

Generally, I've dealt with the consequences as they came, but... there are outcomes that are to be avoided at all cost.

[Like getting imprisoned on account of the havoc that his failed experiments wreaked in Arkham and some of the surrounding towns.]

[Honestly, Akira preferred the simplicity of street fighting, even if it had become kind of boring. Consequences like those the mafia could have stirred up are not only terrible - which is partly acceptable (where they concern himself) and partly unacceptable (where they concern everyone else - but completely unpredictable in both timing and magnitude. It feels like the consequences are (were) a physical thing holding Akira back, keeping him from dealing with them. He's not used to being so involved.]

... I don't like it.

[Still his summary of the whole situation. Such eloquence!]

Neither did I. I only took the job to get out of one dire situation, only to walk right into another. Couldn't see that turning out well, but I don't regret the decision.

Edited 2015-11-08 06:35 (UTC)

[Akira doesn't regret his decision either. That much is simple. And that should be enough. Even if he was about to regret something in the past - which is absolutely pointless in itself - it's not like he made the wrong call. So why can't he just let it go?

Guilt, probably. But isn't that pointless in itself, if he did the best he could, and made the best possible decisions the whole way?

Life was so much easier back when the distance between himself and other people was absolute.]

We're done with it now, anyway.

Mmm. It's in the past now, no point in looking back in what was, when all you can do is confront the present and use it to move toward the future. Which, come to think of it, is always turning into the present and fading into the past.

If I'm getting too philosophical, tell me to shut up.

[Pragmatic and blunt as always.]

Right, dude. Just what you need. To end up back in some other "game." Amirite?

That's not it.

[Why is everyone obsessing over that so much? Why would he even care where he goes? If he exists, it's all the same to him. If he doesn't exist, well, he's not likely to be bothered either, is he?]

I don't like other people ordering me around. That's all.

[It's only a fraction of the problem, but hey, if it shuts everyone up.]

It's all just a different game of cards, man. There'll be some king or god or crazed psychopath telling you what to do no matter what. Better lighten up.

[He doesn't want to talk about this. He really doesn't want to talk about this... At the same time, he's still failing to stop thinking about it, and maybe an outsider's opinion wouldn't be so bad. He's not even sure what he wants to hear, and it's all moot anyway with that world behind him, but... he needs to get this out of his system somehow.

He'd been making progress in connecting with people. He doesn't want to give up on that.]

... What if you don't mind doing as you're told at first, but then you're not so sure anymore?

Then... Stop, I guess. Depends on the situation. If you're going against you, start listening again. I s'pose the trick would be to find out where that line is, between blindly following someone's will, and having yours coincide with it. It's hard, but... Worse comes to worse you should always be able to bail out.

[That's more or less what Akira'd had in mind, too. The bailing part would have been impossible, but maybe just switching sides -...

Well, whatever. It's actually pretty reassuring to have his opinion confirmed. He sort of hates himself for feeling reassured when he shouldn't need or even want that kind of thing in the first place, but the whole situation in that world was a mess, and his life had never been all that complicated until shortly before going there. He was basically thrown into the deep end without swimming lessons, and it's only now it's all over that he even realizes just how in over his head he was. No time to think about it back then: it was do or die.]

Right... [It's all he says in the end, but it's accepting rather than dismissive. Simple agreement; maybe even something like gratitude, though voicing that in so many words isn't something he makes a habit of. He does appreciate the second opinion, though. Even if that sentiment itself still makes him feel kind of pathetic.]

Y'don't talk much, do ya?

[Hence why he's all but impossible to meme - and why the mun regrets the loss of a game where he actually connected with people all the more. Akira himself could care less. However, he is vaguely irritated at being called out on his behavior. What he does should be his own decision.]

I'll talk if I have something to say.

You talk more than that poor kid with his vocal cords cut out. Gotta be grateful for the little things, I guess.

[Akira instantly tenses ~~because he was so relaxed before~~. Someone who knows his world? That's new - and incredibly unsettling, somehow.

Unless of course there are lots of kids around who've had their vocal cords removed. It's a big multiverse. Maybe there's more creeps like Arbitro around, too - perish the thought.]

You know the dog?

Preeeetty sure the dog has a name, bro. S'the eyes and voice he's missing. And virginity.

And his dignity in general, I'd guess.

But. Yeah. I know him. To be honest, it's that blond psychopath he hangs with that makes me think "dog."

It's that blond psychopath that named him "dog".

[Even if he went with a less than conventional reading of the kanji, that was all the "name" amounted to, in the end. Of course, Kau must have had a real name originally, but Akira doesn't know it, so he's not about to apologize for not using it. Kau seemed content with his life as a dog, anyway.

That's exactly what was so unsettling. To have something like that done to you might be inevitable, but to be made to accept it? That was a terrifying thought.]

Wrong psychopath. I'm not talkin' about Mr. Peacock here. I'm talking about the guy that needs a haircut.

And maybe a lobotomy.

[ The truth is, he knows Kau better than he knows Arbitro or Gunji. He's a lazy whiner who would rather browse online shop sites than do literally anything else, but he's observant enough to understand a language without words or expressions.

He's also seen Kau without his mask, in both senses of the word. Neither are very pleasant, but it's Akira he doesn't know well enough to talk to about that just yet. ]

[Ahhh... The executioner. (His world has a lot of psychopaths, what can he say?) Akira doesn't respond immediately, but there's a flicker across his expression that suggests understanding. Meanwhile, he can't stop wondering what this guy could know all these people from. It gives him a bad feeling - though it's probably just the general unease that comes with not knowing something that may or may not be extremely important.]

If you've run into him, you're lucky to be alive.

[It's a statement, but it doubles as a question, asking just how this guy knows Gunji, let alone the others; fishing for information about how he avoided being randomly attacked, maybe.]

I'm pretty fast and can be fairly clever. Those guys aren't exactly quiet, coming at me with chains a-rattlin'.

Not like that other guy, where you're lucky to hear footsteps.

[ His voice has fallen to a low purr, the breathy quality making it hard to tell if he's just enjoying this or if he's actually unwilling to speak above a whisper about a certain someone else. ]

[The executioners aren't quiet because they don't need to be quiet - which Akira might actually bother pointing out, except that the topic changes for the even less pleasant. It's been a while since Akira ran into that guy, but the impression lingers, and it goes well beyond the simple caution reserved for the executioners, straight to irritation and something remarkably like shame. It's one thing to just be defeated, even though that's not something Akira is used to. To be overpowered to such a degree, and looked down on for his trouble... that is hard to digest.]

Shiki. [A question; a curse.]

Yeah. That guy.

Better watch your back, I guess~

The same goes for you. [Again, it's more of a question than anything. Why shouldn't it go for this guy, too? There are possible reasons, sure, but if any of them apply, Akira wants to hear them.] Being "pretty fast" isn't going to make a difference when you're up against him.

I'm not worried about him. [ Mainly because the game he's in now has no Shiki or Arbitro or Gunji. ] He's never bothered me before.

[Lucky guy. Still, it's not impossible to avoid Shiki. If it was, everyone in Toshima would be dead. It's just that Akira refuses to avoid Shiki, even if it's possible. Why would he change his behavior for an overgrown bully, no matter how strong he is? That's no way to live.]

Then maybe you're too weak to be of any interest to him.

[Admittedly, Shiki thinks everyone is weak, and Akira doubts it keeps him from killing them. But it's one possible explanation, and it might yield another in return.]

Nah. If I lived in your universe, my blood would be harvested for consumption. Shiki'd have a field day with me and Arbitro would make me into some sort of pet bird.

...Well, if either of them could catch me.

[If this guy isn't from the same world as him, how does he know all these things? How does he think he can avoid being captured, anyway? Is he just cocky...?

Too many questions, and he gets stuck on the first one to enter his mind:]

For consumption?

Hell of a drug, man.

But either way, I don't envy you. Or your friends. Or your enemies.

Or the dog.

[A drug... Okay then. Akira will just take the guy's word for it. And maybe have a thought or two, a long ways down the, well... line.]

Don't pretend like you know everything about us.

[It's more dismissive than angry, but said decisively. "Not envying" feels an awful lot like pity, which really just amounts to being looked down on. Maybe the dog deserves pity, but not everyone else.]

[ Har har. ]

Oh, don't worry. I'd never pretend to know more than I do.

[Maybe this guy has been to Toshima after all, maybe he's met all the others and talked to them, but one thing proves to Akira that that statement is bull:]

You don't know me.

Nothing to know about you, kitty cat. The only thing you care about is staying alive and, when it suits you, keeping your friend alive.

When you can.

[That taunt couldn't have come at a worse canon point. The whole reason Akira went to mafia city was to save Keisuke, and now that that place doesn't exist anymore... neither does the deal he made, probably.]

I will. I'll get through to him. [Somehow. Whatever it takes.

Those are his earnest thoughts, but he's not at all convinced he'll be successful. He just doesn't have a backup plan. It's success or nothing. He doesn't have a choice.]

[ Bingo. ]

Oh, what's this? Some emotion from you? You really do care!

Shame you never told the poor soul, eh?

[ Personal, what's personal?! ]

[It shouldn't matter what this guy thinks. It doesn't matter. But it gets to Akira anyway, simply for touching on the one thing about that mess that actually hurts: the part he played in it. He said something stupid. He didn't manage to get his feelings across, even when he met with a very much changed Keisuke after that.]

I'll tell him. Somehow. When I see him again -...

[If he does. If Keisuke's still alive by then; if Keisuke doesn't kill him first.]

That's it, man. Try actually showing some emotion. It really does have a tendency to work on humans.

Well. Humans with hearts, anyway. Like your friend. But maybe not like you.

[Akira can admit that he messed up. Even if that's not the only reason why everything went wrong, it was definitely one of them, and he acknowledges that. But it never occurred to him to think that there might be something inherently wrong with him. So he's different from other people... So what? So is everyone, right?

He thought so, but suddenly he's not so sure. He's never had to think about any of this stuff before... Should he have? Did he do this before - did he take a wrong turn, and never look back, not even realizing -...?

He doesn't know. Unable to deny the accusation, he doesn't, once again showcasing how little he talks... and maybe proving the other right by that, too.]

Somethin' to think about, at least. Maybe if, or when, the kid recovers, you could actually try showing him some affection.

Labels and slit vocal cords don't make a dog, you know. Loyalty does. Stray dogs are the ones who get abused. Will you take yours in?

Keisuke's not a dog.

[He's not saying the entire comparison is wrong as such, just adding some nuance, maybe. If Akira wanted a pet, Keisuke's sense of inferiority would delight him, and the one thing standing between them would disappear. But that's not what he wants Keisuke to be. That's not what Keisuke is, even if he insists on acting like it.

Is that another one of Akira's mistakes? Should he want Keisuke as a pet more than anything else..? The thought crosses his mind, but he dismisses it instantly. That's not it. If nothing else, he can be sure about that.

It's a start: one certainty to start building on again.]

Like I said. Something to think about.

vaguely re. glasskey

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(Sorry for the slow reply: Halloween weekend was crazy)

no worries!

Thanks!

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