canon is gotham. spoilers for this week's episode in the comments

[testis]

Guess I really can't have nice things, can I? [like friends]

Comments

[promisetokeep]

Selina...

[He didn't know what to say, really. What could he say? It had been a while since he'd seen her, and that last time, she'd walked away from him. Beyond that, he was completely in the dark about what was going on in her life.]

[Especially the parts that still indirectly involved him.]

...I'm sorry.

[testis]

Don't be.

[That was it for her show of weakness. She's tired of crying. It's bad enough she cried to Jim, nearly cried to Bridget, she won't cry to Bruce Wayne, of all people. He'd just throw money at the problem and hope it went away.

Too bad money didn't actually buy friends.

Just butlers.]

Ain't nothin' to be sorry about.

[promisetokeep]

Of course there is. You're upset.

[She would probably deny it, but he knew better.]

[testis]

I'm not upset.

[Shut up, Bruce. Just shut up.]

I don't get upset.

[promisetokeep]

[Can't shut up won't shut up.]

Okay, fine. You're not upset. [Lies. You so are.] But this bothers you enough that you felt like you had to say something.

[testis]

Yeah?

I say a lot of things.

[promisetokeep]

[The corners of his lips twitched upward, but the smile was equally sincere and ironic.]

I've noticed.

[testis]

And not all of 'em mean anything, okay?

[promisetokeep]

[Thou art protesting a bit too much, wouldn't you say?]

Sure, Selina. If you insist.

[christmaspun]

I...know the feeling.

[testis]

[Hey bb, sorry you got tossed in a fridge.]

Yeah? What happened t'you?

[christmaspun]

[Well, that's just her luck, honestly.]

I thought I had finally found a good man.

I...thought wrong.

[She rubs her throat uncomfortably.]

[testis]

There ain't any such thing as a good man.

[Wise words from a fourteen-year-old.]

[christmaspun]

So I've learned.

You'd think I would have learned it a long time ago.

[testis]

There's always next time, right?

Me, I try not to waste my time with 'em.

[christmaspun]

You're a smart girl.

There...won't be a next time for me. But there's hope for you, yet.

[testis]

Woah.

So you're telling me you're dead?

Another one bites the friggin' dust.

I swear I'll test the Gotham version of Crane. ONE DAY

[restingstitchface]

Friendship is unnecessary outside of it's survival value. It must be painful to lose a friend who didn't question or judge you. I imagine it's incredibly lonely.

I'm willing to lend a reliable ear if you wish to talk.

Or if it bothers you that much, go and steal someone else's companion. After all, people like us don't make friends. Especially in Gotham.

[Go steal a friend instead of, you know, his wallet.]

yessss. until then you'll just have to deal with teen Selina. Or my aged-up Gotham Selina.

[testis]

I'm not lonely.

[Yes, yes she is. First Bruce. Now Bridget. Maybe she should stop hanging out with people with B names.]

We're both better without friends. Why you'd want to listen t'me, though... What's your game, Crane?

[Stealing a friend is called kidnapping, gosh.]

Might see if he turns up in S2. His current ending? Needs headcanon.

[restingstitchface]

Well, I became a psychiatrist to help people.

[Nope. He knows she knows that's nonsense.]

And you're clearly in need of psychological assistance.

I believe even you can make the connection.

[Wow, Crane. You're meant to be helping people, here. Wipe that smug-as-shit grin off your face.]

hey maybe he's chilling with bridget?

[testis]

[She gives him a look. GOSH and you wonder why she doesn't like you unless it's absolutely necessary.

It is not absolutely necessary right now to deal with him.]

I don't believe in shrinks.

Perhaps so! Too early to be sure, woe.

[restingstitchface]

[That look she gives? It makes no difference.

He cranes forward, clearly enjoying himself.]

I don't believe in the Devil. That doesn't mean he doesn't exist.

alassss

[testis]

The devil and doctors are two different things completely.

Point is: I don't need your help

[restingstitchface]

Yet here you are.

If you don't need my help, why are you continuing to speak with me?

[Short and direct. Sometimes that's for the best.]

[testis]

gives me somethin' to do