canon is the martian by andy weir going to eudio!

[spudnik]

Guess this makes you Commander now, right? And the mission is... cuddle everyone...?

I guess I can do that if it means getting off that godforsaken planet.

[ Leaning in now, conspiratorially, hand raised to shield the side of his mouth and everything. ]

And remember, you promised me no more potatoes if I cooperated--so I'm cooperating. No more potatoes.

Comments

[wipedclean]

What's wrong with potatoes?

[spudnik]

Nothing.

If you haven't been eating them for fuck only knows how long.

[wipedclean]

Oh. Yeah, I guess that would be pretty awful.

[spudnik]

Now pair that up with some disco.

Living. Hell.

[wipedclean]

...okay now I'm really confused. What the hell happened?

[spudnik]

I was stuck on Mars.

[ Oh boy. ]

I grew and subsequently consumed more potatoes than any man, woman, or child should ever eat. For... I don't know. A long time. I kept track back in my log.

So that's what happened.

[wipedclean]

Oh. Shit. That's terrible.

1/2

[spudnik]

There are worse things.

Like dying.

2/2

[spudnik]

Me: 1, Mars: 0.

Not dead yet.

[aspacepirate]

Oh look, another me...no, wait actually that's kind of awesome in a weird "Twilight Zone" way...

i love you..............

[spudnik]

Question is, can the universe handle that much awesome? Is it really ready for that?

[ it definitely is. ]

[wipedclean]

Congratulations. That's really impressive.

I love you too. <333

[aspacepirate]

Well, nothing's turned into a big ball o' flames and nothing's imploded yet. So, the answer?

It's ready. It's been ready. It was born ready.

[spudnik]

Well you know, all in a day's work for a botanist.

[spudnik]

If we--I?--mm we can survive Mars, it can survive us, no doubt about it. I have absolutely zero pity on the universe after what we've been through.

[aspacepirate]

Well, yeah. We're probably not even a close to a hiccup in the grand scheme of things. (God, it was really weird using we in this situation.) But, who knows. It's a weird, huge thing of it's own.

Well, I think it's obvious that I'm going to say "my thoughts exactly" about the zero pity part. If it was possible, I'd probably have even less than zero. It doesn't owe me...us that, but it's nice to imagine it does.

[ganglions]

There are worse things to eat. You don't like potatoes?

[spudnik]

Not anymore I don't.

[ganglions]

It sounds like you lucked out badly, anyway. What planet did you come from?

[spudnik]

Originally? Earth.

Currently? Mars. Which so far has been an okay time, I guess. Not starving and I've only blown things up like... once. Twice?

[ganglions]

That sounds a lot calmer than the Mars I know.

What were you doing there? You were stationed there?

[astro]

I can think of worse missions.

What's the beef with potatoes? [ BEEF AND, GEDDIT, BECAUSE... POTATOES... AND.... no shh capa shh... ]

[spudnik]

There probably are. But the mission never really involved me getting stranded on Mars so.

Can no one just accept my strong dislike of spuds? [ I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. ] Too much of a good thing, buddy.

[spudnik]

Mission gone wrong. I ended up stranded. Been there for about a year? Had to make my own water, grow my own food. It's been... an experience.

What's Mars like where you're from? If that's calm, I mean.

[spudnik]

Well if we take zero and divide it by zero we can destroy the universe and exact our right and proper vengeance for all its wrong doing.

Everything will be right with the world again once we're done.

[astro]

Mars? Ouch. How'd that happen?

When you make them out like torture devices, people kind of figure there's a story there.

[spudnik]

A piece of debris Dorothied me away from the rest of my crew. Been stranded ever since with minimal contact to NASA using Pathfinder.

Well there is. I grew potatoes on Mars. That's it, that's the story. Oh, and I'm the king.

[ganglions]

Tumultuous. As can be expected. We had a station set up for archaeological digs - my parents were part of the team sent to do research and analysis on samples.

You could say I decided to continue the work.