with understanding, you won't let it cast you down

[biochemistry]

[Spoilers below in the form of incredibly anxious, possibly indirectly triggering ranting.]

I feel sick.  I feel sick to my stomach, sick in my heart knowing that I --

Every time I try to help, I just make things worse, because I'm too bloody selfish to keep from doing.  I dragged Fitz into the field because I couldn't stand the thought of going out and having these terrifying, thrilling adventures on my own, I pulled Fitz out of the ocean with me because I couldn't stand to think that I'd left him there even though I didn't think of what might happen to him, and sure it was all too fast to think, he made the decision for me but that's not an excuse, I still should have -- but I still can't -- and I offered to go on the mission at Hydra because I thought that it would be better if I just wasn't there so he could get better but that just made it worse and it made everything worse with everyone else too, I abandoned everyone because I was too sad to face them, and I said those things before I knew what had happened to Skye because I was so afraid that what happened to Trip would happen to her because I could barely handle losing him and I don't know what I'd do if I lost her and I'm still afraid, I'm still afraid that something will happen to her, something that I can't control and I can't fix and I said those things after I knew what had happened to Skye because I'm still so afraid and I don't want to push her, I love her, I just want to help her be comfortable with these things that she can't control and help her control them as much as possible -- and yes, I know, I'm a control freak, I have no right to, it's not my --

[Quieter.]

I'm used to fixing things, you know this.  I'm used to things being things I can fix, I'm used to being able to help, I'm used to being able to perform ocular surgery on Akela Amador and send her on her way and I'm used to being able to cute the alien disease raging through my body and I'm used to being able to help people like Audrey Nathan and I'm used to being able to -- I could do these things, these things that had a beginning, a middle, and an end, these things that I could do and they solved things, they -- they helped people.  There's nothing like that anymore.  I try to help and -- and -- I want to, I do, but when -- when there are things I'm not told and things I can't tell and I wanted to yell at Coulson, tell him he was making a mistake, that going off on her own wouldn't help Skye, not really, but I was too afraid, I'm too easily bossed into place --

[Almost a whisper.]

I'm so sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  I'm selfish and rash and I have no right to expect anything, not when everyone's hurting so much worse and dealing with so many more important things and when I've said and done such daft callous shite and now there's all of whatever is happening soon and I know as my writer here that you're scared for me because you haven't had the best track record with "your girls" and things but maybe it would be better for everyone if --

I think I'm beginning to see your point about how it wouldn't have been a horrible idea for Dr. Garner to stay on and talk to all of us a bit.