dear_mun | (no subject)

[What.

What is this abomination. Ok he knows his Decepticon history, and the Soundwave that did the cleanses on Cybertron? Would. Not. Sing.

The small murder machine glares up at this abomination, uttering curses in Primal Vernacular.

Cause what the fuckie.]

What?

...

Are you a mini? I thought I knew about all of you.

[No no no that ain't right.

Listen you, you know damn well who he is. The bot chatters angrily. He's no minocon, you know who he is so stop this ridiculous charade.]

[Wow, angry much?]

Okay no hold on, I know that language hold up...

[Ah, Prime Vernacular]

Okay, is that better? I learned this a long time ago, wow. Hey little guy, what's got you so worked up?

[Ok good. Now you can understand when he says you're the problem, stop this stupid act and go back to being Soundwave.]

I am Soundwave, dummy! Look, all of me, one hundred percent Soundwave. I didn't think I was acting stupid.

[The Soundwave he knows wouldn't be a disgraceful chatterbox yammering on with that racket.]

Hey, name calling is unnecessary, little guy, you don't hear me making fun of you.

Besides, I like talking. How am I supposed to tell Megatron what's going on if I don't talk?

Imagine, a mute Communications Chief. That's hilarious.

[...

Vos doesn't say anything, merely stares at this imposter.

There's no words for the infuriating embarrassment standing before him.]

[Soundwave stares back, completely baffled. There seems to be something deeply wrong with all of this]

... I think we need to work on your anger problems.

[Two fingers to his eyes. Two fingers back to you.

You need to work on not being a shitty Con.]

Hey! I'm not shitty! I'm the best spy on Cybertron, you take that back!

I can totally prove it too!

[Ok then prove it, faker.]

[And with that, the sensation of spidery fingers picking through Vos's processor might be felt.

YEP THAT SURE IS FUCKING SOUNDWAVE]

[Vos violently bats at the air.

Hey hand's off buddy.

He's still cynical.]

I bet no one else can do that though.

...

Soundwave?

[ HIS MUN DID NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THIS ]

[OH GOODNESS A HUMAN]

Hi!

...

Wow, how do you know me? I don't think I've seen you anywhere before.

[It's from the other universe dummy]

... You look really alarmed.

I- I-

[ Copious amounts of behind the scenes mun-nudging. C'mon, Raf, don't bluescreen on the nice Cybertronian. :^) ]

...I... just... I think I know another version of you. Are you... a Decepticon?

Yeah! I didn't think any humans knew about us though, wow this is weird, did Megatron decide to open up or something?

... Are we in the news? ohmygod, are we on CNN? Who are they interviewing, is it me?

[Soundwave, stop]

Which one is the one with Katie Couric? I don't think I'm ready for human TV yet.

I - no, we're not on the news! Most humans probably don't know about you - I don't think we were actually supposed to-

[ He stops himself for a sec because whoaa okay probably not a good idea to try and keep pace with this one. But asking moral dilemma questions doesn't sound like a good idea, either. Okay.

Okay. ]

Y-you're really into Earth media, huh?

[ if he's too scared to ask the big questions he can sure as heck ask the useless ones ]

Oh... I really wanted to meet Katie.

[Cry more]

Yeah! I have all sorts of the newest songs on my line up and playlists, I watched all the newest movies and lots of old ones too and-

Is it true Beyonce is Earths queen?

Um -

[ SAY YES. THAT'S AN ORDER, SON. ]

- I- you should ask someone else. [ ~~i'm disowning you~~ ]

You don't sound much like Soundwave. I mean, the Soundwave I know. [ Mainly because this Soundwave actually sounds like anything at all, and not like, creepy silence. ] But that doesn't mean you're not dangerous. What... what do you do? When you're not looking up celebrities. [ if you say eating babies or something he's so outta here. ]

Okay...

I've always sounded like this though, I don't get how I could sound like anything else other than me.

I'm not dangerous.

I'm a spy! I keep track of Autobot signals and make sure they're not like... gathering up to blow things up or knock us out of the sky or anything. I totally have the best equipment for the job, oh man. I've modified myself so many times I can't keep track of where I am now, I can hear everything!

Also I keep an audial on human signals, just to make sure no one is sending out a distress signal from an Autobot attack. We have to look out for the planet we're on right now.

[ He looks dubious for about five seconds, and then he just kind of relaxes a bit. Deeefinitely an alternate universe thing. He's nowhere in the vicinity of being brave enough to think about what that implies for the Autobots, so. Baby steps. Decepticon =/= immediate danger. ]

And by that you mean... you listen to human radio.

[Soundwave isn't sure he wants to tell a little kid what the Autobots do]

Well... Ha ha yeah. A lot of it! All the time, I love human music! And human radio shows, they're really funny and weird. It's hard to find something I don't like about human radio!

Edited 2015-03-23 16:01 (UTC)

[ That's totally okay, because Raf has already decided he doesn't want to know. ]

I never used to listen to radio, but B-- a-a friend of mine sometimes likes to have it on while he's driving. I like the music and comedy shows, too.

[ This conversation isn't so bad. He can almost forget how scared he is of regular Soundwave. ~~Almost.~~ ]

Are you... sure you don't know of any humans? Personally, I mean. It sounds like you'd get along with... well, some of us.

Edited (bleuh html tags) 2015-03-23 16:12 (UTC)

Have you listened to Prairie Home Companion?

Well... not... not like personally? I have people on Tumblr and Twitter, but they all think I'm just a guy in New York. I invented a human avatar for that stuff.

But like... not personally, Megatron is afraid of endangering any humans that talk to us personally.

Um... I don't think so. Sorry.

That's actually pretty smart. I tried to get Ra- uh, my friend to do it, but it didn't work out so well. I guess social media isn't for everybody. [ or old people who get mad at memes. ]

Megatron? [ this is so surreal okay! :( ] Why would Megatron-? I mean - wait, scratch that. If you have a Tumblr and you're trying to lie low, stay out of the Slash Monkey tag, and anything to do with battery-powered toy cars. I know two users who might figure you out sooner or later. [ if they exist. ] Just take my word for it.

...Doesn't Megatron have a problem with you doing this stuff?

You should listen! It's really funny.

Nah, it's like trying to get Starscream into it, he's too old to appreciate it anymore. He's still baffled by Google for Primus' sake, and I really don't want him finding some other sites...

Okay so no Slash Monkey and no toy cars, got it. I'm mostly a tech kinda guy though. Think they'll find me in the Daft Punk tag?

Um....

Yyyyyes. Kinda? He might... not... know. Exactly.

Heh. I know what you mean. Someone sent my friend some copy-pasted text and he got so mad he swore off YouTube...

[ ... he thinks about it. ] ...Nah. You're probably safe as long as you don't poke around their home turf. They're, uh... kinda sharp, but they won't be looking for you. [ Maybe they never met. It's weird to think about. ]

Oh. [ ... ] Well, I'm not telling.

[ Okay, barring the fact that he looks like the scary version, Raf kinda likes this Soundwave... ]

That sounds like something Knock Out might do, he's sensitive like that. At least Starscream has a sense of humor.

Okay good, I don't want to start any fights or anything. Hey! We can trade screen names! I'll follow you if you follow me!

Thank Primus, I'd never hear the end of that lecture.

[ It's kind of hard to imagine Starscream finding anything funny unless it was weird and murdery, but Raf is doing his best to reconcile the image. ]

I don't know if it's such a good idea... We're from different universes. You might connect to the wrong Raf, and then your cover will get blown!

[ He's starting to wish, though. In a wistful, maybe-in-another-dimension kind of way. ]

But maybe after this, we'll see each other again anyway. Somehow. This place is kind of weird like that.

Oh... yeah... Well... Hm, that sucks, I really wanted someone else to talk to.

Oh man I hope so! It's so cool talking to locals, you're really neat!

I know what you mean. Being stuck with just the people you know... sometimes it feels like you're only hearing one part of a story.

It's cool talking to you, too. ...Weird. But cool. If we ever end up in the same place again, we should catch up. [ This is like offering to get coffee with your arch enemy, but also nothing like that. ]

That'd be awesome! I'd take you flying or something, but my alt is unmanned so um... yeah there's no room for any passengers. But we can like just hang out! And then we can trade screennames.