With the second half of S5 less than a month away...

[rick_grimes]

...no... [ The tone was resentful. His words came in a low growl. ]

You're not fixin' nothin'. This here what you're doin' ain't fixin' what happened...

[ He'd give a long stare to the mun. The man was thinking real hard about what was said to him. ]

That lil' 'pep talk' about me needin' to get up outta this 'rut' as you so put it ain't flyin'. It shouldn't have happened. We were prepared and she went and took her from us – Right in front of us! There ain't no gettin' over that!

You're concerned about the state I'm gonna be in by the time it all starts up again? About me bein able to lead after this? [ He'd pause and shake his head at that. ] ...no... [ His head would continue to shake and deny what was being said to him. ] That ain't none of your concern. You have no right questioning me. Not like this...Not when we're all still grieving from what happened.

Comments

[gotjobstodo]

Rick... I'm sorry. I didn't know... I didn't think what would happen. I just... I couldn't let her take him like that. Couldn't let her keep doin' what she was doin' because it was wrong.

You just gotta be there for each other now. Look after them... look after Maggie for me, okay? [She tries for a little smile, but it's hard. This place is strange, and meeting Daryl here after it happened had been torture for him. For them both.]

[rick_grimes]

Beth... [ He'd hold himself back from shaking his head some more. It wasn't fair what happened... He wasn't all too sure how this placed worked or how he was seeing her right now. Then again he did see those who passed before...Lori...But that was a time where he lost himself. Was it all happening again? His eyes would wander to the ground not able to look her in the eyes. The man was conflicted and so guilt ridden for what happened. Maybe if things were different...If they'd gone with his plan, maybe all those damn cops would be dead and she'd still be here. ] ...I'm sorry... [ His voice trailed sad and defeated. ] ...You deserved better. [ A lot better than a leader who couldn't save her – Couldn't keep his promise to Hershel...That'd he'd keep her safe.

He knew she was right though, that they had to be there for each other through this... Just facing her now... His eyes would look back at her holding back tears. ]

...I should have shot her...Should have taken her out myself so you didn't have to do what you did... [ Rick fought hard to hold back the tears that just kept fighting him to come out. His voice dropped no longer able to keep steady speech. ] ...I failed you... [ Rick would end in a near whisper having a small tear run down his face. ]

[gotjobstodo]

[Beth can see that her appearance affects him deeply, perhaps because her sudden loss is still too fresh. It's hard for her to see Rick like this, the man she had always held such respect for. The last thing she wanted was for him to blame himself, just as Daryl had blamed himself. But maybe her coming her does more harm than good. But sweet little Beth doesn't like seeing him this way, even if she's not nearly as sweet as they all thought she was.]

Don't go blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault. [She insisted, shaking her head.] You didn't know it was gonna happen. I didn't know I was gonna do it, but I just had to.

[Her frown deepens when she hears the ragged quality of his voice. Beth stepped forward, closer to him, her voice firm.]

Don't say that. You didn't fail me, none of you did. I-I failed you. I'm sorry.

[That tea on his grizzled cheek hit her hard. Without another thought to it, she just reached forward to slip her arms around him and hug him. It wasn't fair, and she wanted him to see that he was still a good man. Still a good leader of the group.]

[rick_grimes]

I should have…[ His voice was still barely above a whisper. Speaking…it was so painful just getting the words out. ] Should have been smarter…Should have knew…[ The man would shake his head at her words. He was thinking real deep and haunted by everything. It was hard for him to be strong right now facing her. So hard to keep a straight face and keep the tears from coming… ] Shouldn’t have been so trustin’ of ‘em…of her…

[ Rick felt his whole body tense as she stepped closer, ashamed, and afraid of facing her like this…Her words…He wanted to believe her. He just couldn’t…not like the way things went in the end. It was what she said that she failed him…Felt like a jab in the heart. ] no… [ The word came out covered in denial. His head would shake some more. ] …you didn’t fail anyone and you sure as hell didn't fail me...not one damn bit… [ It was to say not her, not their sweet innocent Beth… Her being lost out there wasn’t her fault…what she did to that woman wasn’t her fault…none of it was.

Rick would just loose it when she put her arms around him to give him a hug. More tears escaped through the wall he tried to put up. He could feel her…She was real here before him somehow. He wouldn’t question it. Just be glad to be in the moment where she wasn’t gone here…It put his heavy heart at ease if only for this moment with her. ] …You got nothin’ to be sorry about… [ He’d cautiously return the hug not wanting to do anything that could change this. ]

Late as hell but I am SO sorry for this...

[lerner]

( Her eyes would fall on the man with sincerity in her eyes. There were mixed feelings of shock and regret still lingering. ) ...It wasn't supposed to be that way...I didn't mean to... ( She had to say it, get it off her chest and face this man with the words she couldn't say before. )

Think I just died a little seeing this.

[rick_grimes]

[ The man could say the same about this woman being here before him again...That it wasn't supposed to be. He's seen ghosts from the past before and been haunted by some terrible people but this woman...The color dropped from Rick's face not able to believe she was...That she dared to stand before him again somehow and say that to him. ]

...no... [ Rick's voice grew dark not able to stand the feelings she was bringing up. A hand would raise shakily to point a finger at her. ] You shut the hell up... [ His voice growled trailing in anger. He'd grip real tight against the gun at his side with his other hand ready to draw it...Ready to shoot her if he had to. His head would shake furiously in denial. ] Don't matter if you didn't...You still did...

Dawn seems to have that effect on people. :\

[lerner]

It was an accident. I had no intention of shooting her. That girl…You saw what she did…

( She heard the man’s voice grow dark raising a shaky finger at her. Her eyes fell along the man watching his movement carefully. Dawn didn’t want to make the situation any worse than it was already starting out to be. She didn’t know what he would do and he was clearly angry about what happened. If it wasn’t for the mun being so insistent on this, Dawn wouldn’t want anything to do with this situation. She already had a dicy situation somewhere else and she didn’t want to add another one to the list. )

…I really didn’t… ( Dawn shook her head trying to convince him. She didn’t know if she’d be able to but she’d try her hardest. )

/crawls under a big rock and stays forever.

[rick_grimes]

I said shut up. Don’t matter if you didn’t. I told you this already. [ His voice grew stern at the woman. Rick was mad. This woman had the nerve to stand there and rattle on about how it was a damn accident and then to say they all saw what Beth did… ]

We all saw what she did an’ saw what you did, heard what you said ‘bout that kid. [ He’d keep his shaky hand raised just to furiously point a finger at her again. The man’s blood was boiling hearing this load of bullshit. He didn’t believe this woman for a second that it was a damn accident and she didn’t mean to… ] Should ‘ave kept your damn mouth shut ‘bout ‘im. We all could ‘ave walked away without anyone gettin’ hurt, let alone killed. [ Rick’s voice growled as his teeth clenched. His hand was dangerously close to drawing his gun at her. He wasn’t sure how the hell she was even here after that all happened, but he wouldn’t let her off easy. Wouldn’t let her try to make it about what Beth did. ]

NO! Come back dammit! D:

[lerner]

( Dawn would stare at the man narrowing her eyes slightly. So it was about Noah again. That seemed to be the deciding factor that would break or make the deal. )

I told you that my officers put their lives on the line for that kid. ( She’d be quick to point out that piece of information again. After all they did to get him back, after what happened to Lamson going out looking for that kid… ) I wasn’t gonna let you leave with him. He wasn’t yours to take.

FINALLY!!!!! A RICK!!!! *happy dance*

[brokenarrrows]

[The hunter doesn't say much, hell he hasn't been saying much at all. Everything that happened, what they had lost, what he had lost. It wasn't suppose to end that way. They were all suppose to walk out of that damn hospital. All of them. Carol, Noah, Beth but it hadn't went as they had planned. Hell nothing ever did, that was the whole twist of everything wasn't it? Then again maybe this was just some sort of evil punshiment for Daryl. He wasn't allowed to save anyone.

He couldn't. Never could.

Instead he says nothing, nothing at all and just keeps walking by the one who called him brother side. His heart was heavy, guilt eating away at every bit of him and eyes broken.

Beth was gone. Not just gone but gone for fucking good and she wasn't coming back. There wasn't any finding her this time. She was gone from this hell, gone from this world and it was all on him]

BRO! :D

[rick_grimes]

[ Rick could feel the weight of the man…his friend…brother, as he passed by. Words weren’t needed at all for him to understand…try to understand what he must be feeling right now. He knew how he would feel having lost someone he’d been chasing after, trying to find, going through hell and high waters to find them…only to loose them again. The man had walked down that path before. Never wished to do it again let alone watch someone else have to do it. Truth was they all had been there at some time. This cruel damned world made it easy to take, and take, and take again.

Now it was Daryl’s turn.

He was angry, sad, guilty, broken. Questioned himself on his leadership. He led them…Marched them into that hospital thinking everything was going to be fine…but he knew. He knew deep down there was still a risk no matter how much he wanted to convince himself and the others there was nothing to worry about. They had this…No one was supposed to get hurt…

Should have shot them. Should have taken her and the rest of those cops out for stealing Beth like that and wanting to keep that kid like he was theirs…like he was hers. But now wasn’t the time for this. Now wasn’t time to be angry, not to a friend, not to family.

Rick felt empathy and an expression of sadness met the man as he looked on at him. ]

…I’m sorry…brother… [ Was all he said. Was all he could say to him right now. ]

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM TO FINALLY SEE A RICK :D

[brokenarrrows]

[Daryl was very much guilt ridden. It had almost turned itself into this cruel illness that would forever eat away at the man’s heart. It was a wave of emotions that kept hitting him like a wave from a mad sea. Kept hitting him hard over and over in the chest and gut as they walked along. His thoughts were clouded, broken. He had fought so damn hard to get little Beth Greene back. Fought damn hard to keep the poor girl safe, that’s why he pulled her along with him back when the prison fell. He knew the girl couldn’t make it on her own. At first the girl had been a slight annoyance but over time he had grown a little bond with her, became her protector. Then in a matter of seconds she was just gone, taken. He had told Rick that, even broke down and told Maggie. He had tracked that car all he could and he held the loss of Beth to himself. He had been the one who was supposed to keep her safe, not let some damn car rush away with her.

Then that night when he went after Carol and that car flew past, he took that as a sign of hope. So like a damn fool he chased it, taken another woman he cared about along for the awful ride. They had found that boy, told them where Beth was and they were all set but again the odds played cruel against Daryl. He lost Carol, got her hurt pretty damn bad. Then it just turned into a huge rescue mission and he wasn’t about to give up on either one of them. It was his fault they were both taken there, he hate let them both down and again like a fool he had Rick and the others follow behind him. Even took Tyreese’s more peaceful offer over the man he called brother’s. In the end it had failed. Beth was gone, gone for good and that was all on him.

He was stupid to think they could walk out. That he could walk out with both women and everything would be fine, everyone would be fine. The tiny bit of fear he had felt when he saw both Beth and Carol across enemy lines. Carol in the wheelchair and Beth with her slightly beaten face. He was going to get them back and for a moment he had. He hadn’t expected Beth to step forward and did what she had done. He hadn’t even tried to grab her but the moment he watched that little hand come down, stab that woman. He had felt his gut turn suddenly but before he even had a chance to react, the sound of a gun was echoing in his ears, blood splattered and Beth went down.

This was all on him. He knew that.

He could feel the way Maggie’s eyes roamed over him angrily as they walked. Felt her judge him, blamed him. He could even feel Rick glance over at him with both concern and empathy but he remained silent. Then he heard those words, those broken words. Rick had nothing to be sorry for. Not a damn thing. The man by his side had led them all to that hospital, kept the plan going. This wasn’t on Rick. He turned his head slightly, eyes still a bit damp and then his voice came both broken and deep]

Nuthin be sorry for.

Same here bro. O/\O

[rick_grimes]

[ It pained him to see the look in Daryl’s eyes. Rick was a man of words and a man of action but finding the right thing to say to him was hard. Maybe it was his own guilt coming out.

Before this all happened he had been haunted how they all got separated back at that prison. It haunted him how no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reason with the enemy. He couldn’t stop them from doing the damage they’d done…Taking the lives of damn important people that day…Hershel, and the promise he made to the man…Rick was damn determined to keep that promise to him more than ever. He’d keep Maggie and Beth safe, protect them, protect them all. In the end everything was destroyed, they got separated and not knowing where any of them were…if they had made it…if Judith was still out there…All of it broke the man to pieces. It had been hard then to keep it together and survive. Even with trying to protect Carl. How even then he felt his body and mind so weak and worn.

Joe and his gang, Terminus, and then being reunited with everyone at that church…Everyone except poor Beth… It still brought about a sense of hope. That if they could all find each other, maybe somewhere they could still find Beth. A shred of hope that girl made it out there like the rest of them. When Daryl came back with that kid and told them they knew where Beth was, that she was alive…all that hope became stronger than ever. He was determined more than ever to get that girl back no matter what the cost. Guns a blazing…But a more civil approach ensued. He let Tyreese, Daryl, and those damn cops talk him into a trade. Talk him into a plan where no one would get hurt. That was the way is was supposed to be. Then that woman went and changed things. He should have know, been prepared for that and been smarter about the whole thing. Should have held Beth back, tried harder not to let her back near that woman.

He continued to look to Daryl having a bit more sadness come over him. It was hard for the man to see his brother like this. Knowing he went after Beth and how he must be feeling. ]

…I should have stopped her…

:D <3

[brokenarrrows]

[Daryl wasn’t a man of words at all. He spoke more with actions and right now both his body and mind were just broken. It was a wonder he could still somewhat function all together with what he was facing. It was a wonder the guilt he was feeling hadn’t made him blind but it was very much poisoning his aching heart. Beth’s kidnapping and death was something Daryl wouldn’t even dare to hold against Rick because this hadn’t been Rick’s doing. This was very much on Daryl himself. He had taken the girl with him like a fool and thought he could actually keep her safe. Not once did Daryl doubt Rick and his leader abilities. There had been many times Daryl had stepped up himself and took on things when Rick was still at his broken state, still broken over the loss of Lori. When he was trying to settle down, keep things at bay and live like the farmer Hershel was trying to teach him to be. Rick had done his damn best to keep everyone one of them safe and Daryl knew it wasn’t a simple task by any means.

Then the sickness at the prison came when they were all foolish enough to think they could live a normal life. Daryl took it on himself to go out on the run to find the medication needed and once he came back Rick had done the unthinkable. The man he trusted so greatly had banned the woman he cared about. It was a good stab in his heart but Daryl didn’t have much time to act upon it and again Rick was a dear friend. Then came the attack on the prison and soon everyone was separated. He had no choice but to take little Beth Greene with him because he knew the girl wouldn’t survive on her own. Then she was taken and he had tried his all to track her down but then Joe and his group of claimers came along, then Terminus.

Daryl went with Tyreese’s idea for Rick’s sake. He could see the dark path Rick was falling under. So at the ready to just kill anyone who decided to harm any of them. Daryl understood why Rick had fallen into that mind set, look at what all they had lost, who they had lost simply because they tried to bargain. Tried their best to keep everything as peaceful as they could but that seemed to always fail and they lost someone. Rick was this cold hearted killer and Daryl had grown tired watching the man turn to that resort. He was tired of losing people and maybe, just maybe if they tried this option the trade off would be a success and everyone could go home. Then that damn woman just had to open her mouth, had to ask for that kid. It had been enough to set Rick and himself off. Then without a warning little Beth was rushing forward and then she was just gone. Slipped right through his damn hands.

This feeling he had, feeling of sadness and guilt. It ate at him greatly. ]

Couldn’t....[He would mutter lowly] None of us could...weren’t fast enough...

[rick_grimes]

[ They weren’t fast enough, were they? Not as fast as Beth was slipping right past them back into the hands of the enemy. They should have stopped her, he should have. Should have grabbed her, she was so damn close and like that she was gone. Girl was set on doing what she thought she had to do. Rick just wished she didn’t. Wished they would have walked out of that hospital and let it be. Regroup, then maybe they could scheme up some kind of plan to rescue that kid for all he did helping them find Beth and Carol. ] …kid made a choice… [ He didn’t feel right about it as he was sure none of them did. After what he did to help them… ] …should ‘ave left… [ Rick’s eyes fell to the ground trying not to get too emotional, to be strong. ] …would ‘ave came up with somethin’ to get ‘im back after they were safe with us…

[ The man wondered why the girl was so set on going after that woman. Made him think of what they might have been doing to them at that place they called a “hospital.” Beth wasn’t like that…wouldn’t have gone after someone like that…just wasn’t the way the girl was.

He could wonder until it drove him mad. It still wouldn’t change anything. Wouldn’t change that Beth was still gone and they all watched it happen. Couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it like a damn deer in headlights.

His eyes looked back up at Daryl. What could he really say to him? That it’d be okay? That there was some reason for this? When the man himself didn’t believe what he’d be preaching? No, Rick couldn’t do that. Couldn’t say something he didn’t believe in. Couldn’t say to someone else that he couldn’t say to himself. Instead he’d shake his head. He could only imagine what he could be thinking. ]

[brokenarrrows]

[Honestly how could they have been? None of them had been prepared for Beth slipping right past them in her own quick, graceful movements. None of them expected little innocent Beth Greene to make a sudden attack on the woman they were all up against. He didn’t know if the girl had aimed to kill the woman of if she were trying to make some sort of a point. Either way had it really mattered in the end? Whatever she had tried to have done got her killed in the end and Daryl felt like such a fool because yet again he had let the girl slip so easily through his hands. Daryl very much like Rick wished that she hadn’t even stepped forward and approached that damn woman and like the failure he was, Daryl wasn’t able to get to her in time. If only Beth would have waited or hinted to what she was going to do but maybe that girl just had it set in her mind that what she had done was the only way but damnit. Damnit. They were so close, he was so close with having her by him and out that door. They could have regrouped outside, came back for Noah. That or the kid could have even escaped again, did it before. Still at Rick’s words Daryl felt his stomach twist and his heart sink even more.] I shoulda stopped ‘er...[He muttered low after a moment, speaking about Beth] Got ‘er the hell outta there, told ‘er we coulda came back for the kid....

[The hunter supposed there was a lot of damn things he could have done. Like how he should have protected her in the first place, kept her safe and didn’t make the stupid plane for her to rush outside alone while he held off walkers. It was a stupid choice he had made, girl didn’t want to just rush off and leave him behind. Didn’t want to go out there on her own and she was already injured to begin with. He thought he could get to her in time but the walkers had been a little too much and by the time he got outside, she was just gone.

Again like Rick that would be something that would haunt Daryl forever. Why had that girl be so determined in going after that woman? Had she done something to Beth, let something happen back in that place they dare called a hospital? Had that woman dare do something to Carol while she was hurt? It would be questions he could never ask because she was no longer there but the way Beth had looked at that woman with those huge eyes, they way she spoke to her. “I get it now” and then the stab. That was Beth, wasn’t in the girl’s character. Beth had never been one to attack someone, hell sometimes girl seemed to hate to kill walkers. Something had pushed that girl to do what she did, made the choice that she made and Daryl couldn’t help but wonder if he taught her that too.

Had he gotten Beth killed in more ways than just one?
There was nothing Rick could say, nothing anyone could say because it wouldn’t bring Beth back and no it wasn’t going to be okay, wasn’t going to get any better. He would just keep failing people, keep losing them to something, someone. He could feel his body sinking once again, eyes growing wet as he took a small step back. He was losing himself, losing control]

Couldn’t protect ‘er.

[notaafraidanymore]

[Carol has been silent since the horrors of the tragic accident the group has recently encountered. It's still fresh on everyone's mind, the great loss they are all facing due to the death of sweet Beth. A huge part of her blames herself for the reason Beth is gone beause for once she was foolish to believe that she could save someone, save an innocent life on her own instead of just based on some stupid luck but like she had told Daryl, told herself, she didn't get to save people anymore and for that the group had suffered a great loss and Beth Greene was yet another beautiful life that had quickly slipped through their fingers.

Yet another life taken too soon from them and deep down Carol couldn't help but think that it should have been her. Maybe then the loss wouldn't have hurt everyone so deeply? They could move on from it? Another part of her worried about the group's well being. She was greatly concerned about Daryl's state of mind, Maggie's and most of all Rick's. She had seen him broken before, seen him in a dark place. At first it had scared her but that part of her was gone now, Rick's state of mind was something she or the group couldn't take lightly.

Deep down she wondered if she should still stay, if she could trust this man after what he had done because she didn't feel as if she belonged with him or any of them anymore. She had changed and so had he. Two different minds, two broken minds. Maybe she was better off on her own like she had been? Maybe it would be easier on him, on them? ]

You can't blame this on yourself, Rick. You can't...

[rick_grimes]

[ Rick would just stare at Carol for a moment. The two had a long history that wasn’t always the best of times. It was a history as allies and as two people so distant from one another where the friendship became unrepairable at one point. Despite these odds she was never far from his mind. He always wondered and worried about her even at that time when he was going to leave her on her own…Because he had to. The man had a great respect for the woman and deep down that respect never left completely. When she resurfaced and when she saved them from those madmen at Terminus…How could he hold those things in the past against her? How could he not see her in a different light again? Forgive…Though not forget…Welcome her back into the family.

Then that night came. When Daryl showed up with that kid and not Carol…how his heart sank worried about her again. Worried about Beth…That poor girl…How he hoped so damn hard they’d get them both back.

He felt a lump in his throat as he swallowed trying his hardest to get rid of it, get rid of the guilt and sorrow he was feeling… ]

…You were both supposed to come back with us…

[ Rick’s voice just trailed as his jaw clenched in pain trying to hold back the tears that were just fighting to come out. It was bittersweet…But still a reminder that he failed that girl…failed them all… ]

[notaafraidanymore]

[Carol would softly match his stare. It didn’t take much to read the man’s face. How haunted and lost his eyes looked. It was clear that he was holding the death of little Beth on himself, very much like Daryl. Two lost and broken men. Two men that the group as a whole turned too and depended on. They couldn’t afford one to lose one to sorrow and grief, that alone both. He was someone she didn’t quite know where she stood with. He had taken her back in, forgiven her and offered her spot back in with their family but deep down apart of her couldn’t help but wonder if it was sincerely genuine. Could she trust him again and most of all could he trust her? Like him she could forgive what he had done to her but she wouldn’t forget. She was stand by her decision being a right one but she was greatly haunted herself. If not by that then with those poor girls. Her mind wasn’t in the best of places and she feared she wouldn’t be able to hold both Rick and Daryl together.

She had suffered a pretty intense injury and she was still somewhat dizzy from the medication she was given but she kept going, kept pushing herself to walk along with them because it was yet another thing she had to do. She cared for the man standing only a few feet before her, she cared for Daryl, she cared for their family. It’s one of the reasons she had came back and when she had discovered the true horrors of Terminus, she took ultimate action because this world needed him, that group needed him. Though it seemed like they were still at separate ends of the trail, she didn’t want to stand back and watch him break like she had before. It was breaking her heart enough to see it with Daryl and she didn’t know how much more she could take.

Then his words came and she felt her own eyes begin to water with warm, wet tears. She would try her best to shake them off, fight against them but she could already feel her eyes going some what damp. She had desperately wanted to save Beth as well, she hadn‘t been aware of how much the young girl had changed but still poor Beth didn‘t deserve to be in such a place. ]

I-I know...[She whispered to him softly before she made a slow step forward, her hand clutching her injured hip. ] You did what you could to save Beth, to save me. You and Daryl both. We didn’t know that it would just end in sorrow. Rick, Rick you can’t do this. You can’t hold all of this against yourself, not right now. That group is going to need you to hold it together. Judith, Carl. [She shakes her head a little as she looks at him]

You’re going to have to keep it together. They can’t afford to lose you again. I-I know it’s hard. I do...

[rick_grimes]

[ Rick noticed how Carol was effected. Her warm and reassuring words came at him and into his heart. He knew her. This was the woman he knew, not some cold blooded killer. His eyes would water also as he remembered all of this, as he felt all of this. ]

…yeah… [ His voice trailed softly feeling defeated. He knew she was right that he needed to hold it together…Judith…Carl… He needed to be the leader of the group and father to his children. Rick needed to do the right thing even if doing what he…what they all thought was the right thing ended all wrong anyway. It was hard to move forward from it. ] …I know…

[ Rick took a step forward dragging his feet along the ground. Everything just felt so heavy, even something as simple as walking felt like the whole world was trying to hold him back. The man had to do it, had to know if he could still walk on after this. He’d stop just in front of her still keeping some distance. He took notice to how she clutched her hip, remembered how those people wheeled her over to them. Rick could only imagine what she went through at that hospital after seeing what happened to Beth. How that woman took her out without a second thought. If that was the kind of person running that hospital…How her own people seemed so happy to see her gone…He could only feel sorrow for the woman and be grateful they still at least had her. ]

…We got you back. If we had lost both of you… [ Rick had to fight back more tears. The man didn’t know what he’d be likely to do if they had lost both of them. He shook his head as if that alone would make the feelings go away. ] …It’s just not fair…

[notaafraidanymore]

[Only she was a cold blooded killer now wasn’t she? At least that’s how she looked at herself from time to time. After she had killed two of their own, because she thought it was for the better good. Then she had to kill that poor girl, poor little Lizzie. She had lost poor little Mika. Two girls gone from her in a matter of seconds, again she felt like the mother she once use to be having to watch her children be ripped away from her. Lizzie couldn’t be around other people, Carol knew that. You do what you have to do. She understood that now, took that upon herself and yes she would kill anyone she had too who dare harmed her family. The man before her, the rest of the group]


You did what you could...[She reassured her again. Her voice soft and yet haunted with her own guilt and sorrow. Rick had done all he could to save both herself and little Beth from the horrors of the hospital. None of them could have fully prepared themselves for the tragic ending. Like many deaths they had suffered before, this was one they simply just couldn’t move forward from easily, the thought of sweet Beth Greene would haunt them. She had been the hope, the innocence, the pureness they had been all looking for. Now she was gone and again they were left to deal with the after effect. It hurt, it hurt deeply] This group needs you now more than anything. They aren’t in a good place and we don’t have anywhere to go...

[She clutched her sore, injured hip once again. The constant walking wasn’t doing much to ease the pain she was still feeling but Carol had never been one to complain. Now wasn’t the time to complain anyways. Everyone was still very emotionally scared from the loss of Beth and she could already see herself that certain members of their family were going under and that some what scared her. Her soft, damp eyes watched as she kept his distance and she looked him over. That look in his eyes, the guilt dancing along his face, he was as broken and haunted by this very much like Daryl. Only she knew deep down Daryl was taking this far worse than anyone and that worried her too. She had finally gotten Daryl back, gotten this group back and now she could tell she was slowly starting to lose them all again. ]

Don’t...[She was quick to beg him once he started to speak about how they at least got her back, at least she was safe and he was grateful that they hadn’t lost both women but in her eyes that wasn’t fair. Beth had been so pure, hadn’t done a damn thing to harm anyone. That had never been in the girl’s nature and yet here Carol stood. A killer, someone who had greatly sinned and she was still very much alive while the only little hope they had was now stolen from them. She felt her eyes begin to sting once again with the warmth of broken tears and her voice cracked slightly as she spoke again] Don’t....

[rick_grimes]

Wasn’t enough… [ His broken voice replied as simply and as a matter of fact as he could. The man was trying to have a shred of composure but he was afraid that was leaving him with each word he spoke about what happened. He was haunted by the whole thing like the rest of them were and taking it damn hard, maybe harder than he should? Hell that wouldn’t be Rick if he didn’t hold the weight of the group, of the world on his shoulders like it was all his responsibility. Beth, was his responsibility just like the rest of them were. His family…He’d protect his family no matter the cost. But the stakes this time were too high. Too damn out of reach to think they could walk away with both of them. Rick remembered how things went last time they tried to bargain…but he wanted to do the right thing. Wanted to believe Tyreese was right and when Daryl backed him…He was set on the idea and he believed with all his heart they would get them both back.

Carol was right in what she was saying. Everyone else wasn’t in much better shape than he was and he was supposed to be the strong one. Supposed to lead and walk on no matter how hard it got. The image of poor sweet Beth was still fresh in his mind and when Carol said they don’t have anywhere to go he knew what he had to do. ]

We got a place to go. [ His voice grew a bit more sure as what he was thinking would turn into action. ] …We’re gonna burry ‘er. Get ‘er as far ‘way from this place as we can carry ‘er an’ give the girl a proper burial. [ He owed at least this munch to her. He would be damned if he’d leave, or let anyone else leave her in that prison those people were calling a “hospital.” He’d take her far away from whatever horrors she had to endure while she waited and survived there. ] …cause she ain’t gone yet… [ The words would come out shaky again as denial began to surface. ] …She gonna walk with us still… [ He felt his voice start to choke again as his eyes watered again. ] …’till we find her a place… [ His voice trailed loosing the power behind it he initially had. Rick would force his eyes shut trying to shut out the warm tears that kept breaking out of him.

He heard Carol’s plea for him not to go on about how they at least got her…He heard the pain in her voice and it broke his heart. The man just couldn’t do it no more. Couldn’t hold back the tears that were choking him from the inside. His shoulders would quiver a little as the tears came running out. His head shook in denial not wanting to face it even though he had to. Rick brought up a dirty hand to his face to try to wipe away the tears and try not to cry in front of her. Try not to break down and be the strong leader he was supposed to be. ]

[notaafraidanymore]

[Of all people Carol knew that Rick would be one of the ones that would take the death of little Beth Greene the hardest. The man before, the man they had all called leader and basically placed him right into that spot from the start had very much tried his damn hardest, just like he always had. Rick was forced to make choices, decisions that in the end Carol knew still haunted him to this very day, very much like her own. The one they all chose to call leader did his best to keep them all safe, keep them all protected but sometimes it seemed the odds were against him. No matter how hard Rick tried they always seemed to lose someone in the end and each time it was like the death became more brutal, more real. They sure as hell weren’t getting any easier and at times Carol wondered if any of them would get the chance to survive because the more they seemed to fight, went on, she always would fear who would be next. Glenn? Judith? Herself? Daryl? She then tilted her head slightly, tried to calm him with her voice] You came for us, both of us. We you didn’t have too, none of you. You fought for us, took a chance on a deal. You can’t blame it on yourself. None of us knew that Beth would do what she did. None of us, not even you, Rick.


[She feared that he was slipped away from her, from the group. Very much like Daryl had, very much like she had herself. The group was broken, brutally hurt from the loss they had taken. A huge part of her felt like such a fool when she actually believed that Beth and herself would both walk out of that hospital with their family. For a moment or two it had felt that way, they were so close, almost free. Then it just happened, Beth, that woman, the sound of the gun and there was poor Beth in her own pool of blood. It broke her, broke her deeply and yes like Daryl, like Rick, she very much blamed herself for the death of little Beth Greene]

[It both warmed and broke her heart as she heard Rick speak of how Beth would still keep walking with them, that they weren’t about to leave the poor girl back in the horror of that god for saken place. That they would find a special place for her, somewhere she would be safe, at peace. She deserved that. Carol couldn’t help but let out a choked little cry before she nodded her head slightly, a broken smile spreading across her lips] She would have really liked that. Her own special place. Maybe under a willow? [It was simple suggestion but Beth deserved something, something meaningful and special like she had been.

And then it happened. The man before he was reaching his own breaking point, the guilt and grief of Beth’s death hitting him with full force. Very much like it had hit most of them and she knew that this would be something that would eat him away. This was something that broke her own heart and the moment he started choking up and those tears dare touch his face, she moved to him slowly, cautiously. She hated to see him this broken when all of them needed him so desperately. She reached her hand out, gripping his shoulder gently before she spoke to him] This isn‘t on you, Rick. [She whispered to him softly, hand gripping his shoulder a bit more] You and the others came in there settled to make the trade you had decided. You or anyone couldn’t have been prepared for what had happened...

[She would then take a step back, trying to keep her own composure] I was in there with her. ]Her voice shakes a little as she speaks and she’s quick to turn her own head away from him as tears swell within her eyes] I was there...

[rick_grimes]

No…We did ‘ave to. Weren’t gonna leave either of you behind like that. Weren’t gonna let ‘em keep you. Didn’t belong there with ‘em doin’ whatever they were doin’ to you…The way she went at that woman like that… [ Rick wondered why she did. What the hell possessed that girl do something like that? The hell did that woman do to her? ] Wasn’t Beth. Somethin’ wasn’t right… But before… [ He’d grip his hand tight at his side making a fist. Couldn’t do anything, not a damn thing. ] …before I could react… Damn woman shot ‘er. Shot ‘er like a damn dog on the street! [ The man’s tear stained face turned to anger.

That was the problem. They took a chance when the stakes were too high to risk it. Should have shot all those damn cops. Should have taken that woman out himself. ]

…I know…There ain’t no goin’ back…Least I can do now is give ‘er that. ‘Er own special place where she can be at peace…

Yeah…That sounds nice… [ Rick gave his own broken smile at Carol’s suggestion. ] …that sounds real nice… [ He repeated as his voice went soft trying not to break down again. It was an impossible thing to do at this point as a tear rolled down anyway. He brought up his hand again to wipe it away.

Rick felt Carol’s touch as it brought him out of that dark place for a moment. He felt something real, someone there with him. The man tried his hardest to be in the moment as they were talking and not draw into himself, isolated and unreachable. His watery eyes looked up at the woman being there with her. He heard her, he just couldn’t believe the words coming at him trying to console him. All he could do was stare as she spoke fearing more tears would come out of him if he spoke again.

His body would tense slightly hearing Carol say she was there. The man’s instincts kicked in wanting to be there and to be strong for her. To try to protect her from the same emotions he couldn’t protect himself from. ] …Carol…don’t… [ His eyes softened and so did his voice. He saw she was feeling her own guilt and he couldn’t stand by and watch. The man took a step forward after she took a step back and raised a hand to place on her shoulder as she did to him. Try to comfort her in the best he could in the state he was in. His head slowly shook. ] …don’t do that to yourself…

[notaafraidanymore]

(Carol had wondered the same herself. She couldn’t really grasp why Beth had done what she did. How she walked right up to that woman and stabbed her like she did. It wasn’t in Beth’s character, at least it wasn’t in Carol’s eyes. She had never known Beth to do such things. What Carol feared most was the girl had sacrificed herself in order to save all of them and that was just something Carol didn’t want to face. ) Beth knew something, knew something about that place, that woman. She knew something was off about that place, knew that woman might try something.

She was trying to save that boy, trying to save us. (That was one of the many things about this tragedy that ate at Carol’s heart the most. That Beth had lost her life and Carol was still very much alive. Beth hadn’t hurt a single soul, hadn’t been poisoned by this world like most of them had. Carol had killed people, innocent people .)

Does doesn’t it? (She asked him with another choked cry and then she nodded her head. The young girl was gone but they could still offer her something beautiful. Keep her at peace and place her in a place where they knew she would be safe. A place that could drown at the ugly of how the poor girl had died) It’ll be perfect for her.

(Rick had blamed a lot of their losses on himself and she knew this poor man could only handle so much weighing on both his heart and mind. He was already broken and only a few inches well over the edge. Again she or the others couldn’t afford to lose him. It would break her heart far too much and she knew it would the group’s as well. They would be beyond lost without him. ) I know it hurts, trust me I do.

(Her voice would break as she spoke those words. The guilt of Beth Greene’s death weighing heavy on her own heart. She had wanted so badly to save that poor girl. She wanted to be able to think that she could actually save people again. Beth belonged with them, belonged with their little family. All she could do was shake her head, eyes filling with the tears that had been wanting to fall from her beaten face for awhile now.

Then she felt his strong hand rest along her small shoulder and all she could do was look up at him with the same broken, lost eyes he peered back at her through) I should have been able to do something. Even before ya’ll came long. (She shakes her head a little more, closing her eyes for a moment to try to regain herself) I was in that damn hospital with her and I couldn’t do a damn thing to help her, protect her....

(She takes in a soft breath but it's only followed by a soft cry) She deserves to be here...