on happiness. mostly.

[hexappeal]

So. I'm digging my own grave. The more I try to climb out of this hole, the deeper I fall into it. I really can't handle another emotionally handicapped idiot for a significant other and let's face it, puppeteer of mine! James? Pretty much the very definition of that. I'm not always the most mature person, but it took magic to make him honest.

Twice.

Let me remind you that both times I had to initiate the conversations. I know that a place where I don't belong and can't even remember when I'm not there isn't ideal to start a relationship, but it's been nearly two years and I'm about to hit the big four-oh. I have to start thinking about my happiness, since you're obviously taking your sweet time with it.

Speaking of my happiness, you could probably stand to try a little harder to find a medium-sized game that allows AUs. Lazily posting to that one place at the last minute isn't exactly putting an effort forth, lazy bones.

Comments

[hexappeal]

I don't know! I mean, the closest we can get to agreeing is on something like an open relationship which I'm not entirely cool with. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

[viced]

Did you fucking tell him you weren't interested in that?

[hexappeal]

Sort of? It... mighthaveendedinmetakingoffmyclothes?

[viced]

Zee! Seriously?

[hexappeal]

Nothing happened! I don't know what was going on, but I snapped out of it and... he did. And then I kind of grabbed my shirt and left.

[viced]

Well at least you didn't give him what he wanted.

[hexappeal]

I wanted it, too. On some level.

[viced]

[ A pause. OKAY HE KNOWS THE FEELING ]

But you didn't.

[hexappeal]

No. We were both sort of mortified.

[viced]

I'd say so!

[hexappeal]

I'm just... I don't think that I'm ready to move on yet. And I don't think he's exactly the most committed man in all of the City, you know?

[viced]

No, he's not.

Maybe it's better to not, then.

[hexappeal]

This has been going on for nearly a year now. Between us. I don't know. I keep thinking I should at least try if I have such strong feelings for him.

[viced]

I think that's up to you. I can't--

[ NNNGH ] Don't ask me about that shit.

[hexappeal]

I know. It's why I haven't unloaded this on you yet even though this happened like, three weeks ago.

[viced]

The fuck, Zee! No wonder you two are so pissy.

[hexappeal]

I was trying to explain all of it to you, but I can't just come forward and say "oh yeah, he didn't show up on Christmas when I was going to tell him I had feelings for him and decided to sleep with Selina because he thought I wasn't interested and for the past few months I've been miserable because of this," or whatever.

[viced]

Oh.

I'm a shitty friend, aren't I?

[hexappeal]

Not really. It's a bit difficult to admit that to anyone. I haven't even tried to discuss it with Diana yet.

[viced]

She might be a better adviser.

[hexappeal]

Probably. I just don't really... want to talk about it. It's such a mess.

[viced]

Mm. Yeah, I understand.

[hexappeal]

Maybe if I throw myself out a window I can avoid all of this...

[viced]

I don't think that's going to solve any problems.

[hexappeal]

Wishful thinking.

I just dread talking to him about this all over again, now that I know he was under the influence of bad decisions I make while drinking.