ugh how is nisha so amazing?

[lawbringing]

Well, isn't this cute? Barely finished the game and already begging for more, just the way I like it. Y'know I'm accustomed to a little more skin and a lot less clothes when someone's pleading for my attention, but in your case, I'll make an exception to the rule.

Speaking of rules, we really need to establish a few things here. Firstly, you cockblock me even one goddamn time, and I'm putting all my time, money and effort into finding a way to put a bullet through your skull. Second, you're not going to hold me back when it comes to my job. If bitches don't want stitches, they better keep their mouths shut and get on their knees.

That's it. See? I'm a pretty low maintenance girl, but don't let that stop you from getting all nervous - it's getting me kinda hot, honestly.

Comments

[ranger]

[incoming wet blanket:]

... Do you have to share that with everybody?

[lawbringing]

[ is someone mad because she killed his boyfriend's puppy? ]

Don't be a prude, it doesn't suit you.

[ranger]

Y'know, when Mox does it, it's a lot less creepy.

[not that he particularly cares about moxxi anymore, but maybe it'll piss her off. yeah, the puppy-strangling thing? not cool.]

[lawbringing]

Really? I've always found clowns creepy. Like, strangle them to death creepy.

[ yeah but in her defence... uh. hm. i can't think of anything to justify that. ]

[ranger]

Yeah. That kinda seems like a thing with you.

[so fucking deadpan.]

[lawbringing]

Like how dead pets are a thing with your crew?

[ rude, nisha :/ ]

[ranger]

[oh no you did goddamn not]

You know what? I've made peace with that, [okay, more like working on it] but you killed a freakin' puppy with your bare hands. And you're proud of that.

Somethin's wrong with you.

[lawbringing]

[ better keep a close eye on that new bird, mordy. it might not be an obnoxious puppy, but she'll make an exception and kill it anyway. ]

I heard you cried like a bitch and tried to drink yourself into a coma. Real peace making there. [ reminds her of her mother, actually. right down to the insult. weird. ] Heh. Wouldn't be the first time someone's said that.

Wait, did you think that'd upset me? C'mon, you bandit trash can do a little better, right?

[ranger]

[it'll claw her face off before she can even aim, trust

anyway, he's heard the "useless drunk" thing enough that it doesn't incite his wrath much anymore, except he's gonna keep being petty because this chick is obnoxious.]

What's with the "bandit" thing you 'n Jack do anyway? You guys realize you're bragging about "owning" a trash planet fulla convicts, right?

But hell, we know Jack's an impotent bastard who can't do better than the bottom of the barrel. Guess that's why he chose you.

Well, no possible way THIS could end badly.

[onethickskull]

Ex-nay on the bullet plan, princess.

[...yep. That is totally the shortest absolute brick wall of a human being telling you what to do, Nisha. Have fun.]

Y'seem like ya got a good head on yer soldiers. Got your priorities in order, I can respect that. But bustin' heads in?

[He'll just go ahead and tap one of his knuckledusters against his own head for a moment, letting that loud metallic clanging do all the talking.]

Don't always end well for the mook doin' the shootin', ya get my meanin. Sometimes, all a busted skull does is make a lotta trouble.

get ready for a lifetime of suffering

[lawbringing]

[ yeah, yeah, that's all really interesting information, but what the fuck is going on with that head? nisha's not an impolite person-- wait, actually she is. damn it. ]

If you're asking me to put you out of your misery, I'm gonna need a bigger gun for that gross head.

[ pause. what's that other thing she was going to mention? ]

I charge by the hour. It's gonna be more if you want me to strangle you.

...what, again? Sheesh. Women.

[onethickskull]

Funny. But better people'n you tried. Figure it'll go about as well for you, princess. But I ain't one o' yer 'bandits.'

["Legitimate businessman," obviously. The air quotes are required to be included by law, natch.]

Or yer Johns. Not that I got anythin' against that line o' work.

[Very profitable. Y'know, for the people running it.]

[lawbringing]

[ better than her? sure. nisha can't even be offended by that because there's no way in hell someone is better than her. ] Could've fooled me. Usually it's only jackass bandits who run their mouth.

[ that's why she's happily self-employed. the money and the fact she can murder people en masse without getting yelled at for it. she got more than enough yelling from her mum as a kid. ]

So if you're not here for business, what are you here for? Wait, don't tell me, I don't actually care.

[onethickskull]

Says the one who can't keep 'er trap shut.

Figure'd I'd just give ya a sportin' chance. Not a lotta interestin' people 'round here. Didn't wanna see some new face go and get it beaten in. Assumin' you get stuck with a nice one at the wheel, that is.

These mun types ain't the kind to let us run the show. And they don't like their toys gettin' outta line.

[lawbringing]

It's part of my charm.

Beaten in? Sounds like my kind of party, although I'm usually the one breaking noses. Meh, I try not to be picky.

[ have a lazy smirk, bonehead. uh, hammerhead. nisha's not taking any of this seriously. ]

Sounds like someone's mad about being kept on a short leash. Your mun not letting you have any fun, doggy?

[onethickskull]

Less fun'n it sounds when it ain't you doin' the beatin. And there's plenty places out there where you ain't gonna be one o' the big dogs. Or that boyfriend o' yours.

[For his part, he doesn't react much to the leash comment. There's really only a few ways to get a real rise outta Hammerhead, and she's danced around all of 'em so far. No point in lookin' unprofessional over a little namecalling.]

Nah. We got an understanding. Only place I got shipped off to came with plenty o' heads to bust. Just not much happenin' at the moment.

[lawbringing]

Trust me, I've got plenty of experience taking a beating.

[ from bandits, folks during sex, her mother; nisha's been bashed up a heck of a lot for someone who leans more towards being a sadist. ]

Wait, wait, wait - you think Jack is the tough guy around here? That I need him to protect me?

[ there are so many things wrong with that idea, nisha barely knows where to begin. like, he's always on the bottom during sex except that one time, which was pretty great, and he's built like a wet noodle and-- eh, best not to point out all the boyfriend's flaws. ]

[buttstallion]

Sure smells like BUZZKILL with a capital B in here.

Seriously, ignore all of these mouthbreathers. Especially the one that smells like cheapass liquor.

Keep doing what you do best, babe.

[lawbringing]

[ Squinting at that username. Is that a subtle request for more ponyplay or-- oh, right, that's what he called that diamond horse. whoops. ]

You make it sound like I wasn't. Takes a little more than a few nasty words to change me, handsome.

[buttstallion]

[ Let's be real, with these two? It very well could be. ]

Ahaaaaaaaaa don't I know it.

Also? The mental image of you massacring that dirty alcoholic's bird family? Totally not turning me on right now.

Totally.

Not.

[lawbringing]

What a shame, 'cause I'm sure as hell ready to go. Guess I'll have to find someone else who doesn't mind me strangling them in a pool of bird blood.

[ like axton! he's good looking and totally willing to go down on her. sure, he's not into the exact same stuff, but she tries not to be picky. ]

Guess it's all for the best though; 'cause I was going to do things to you that you would never be able to forget.

[buttstallion]

[ what no.

no no no no. you can't just leave him hanging like that. and in favor of commando crapbutt no less. nisha how could you.

okay maintain your composure. you're a full grown man and self proclaimed dictator of an entire planet. totally not going to desperately cave in right here but--

strangling. pool of bird blood.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg. ]

JUST.

Gimme like.

Five minutes. I'm uh--attending to important bandit slaughtering business and I--

[ okay no. ]

Two minutes. Two minutes.

[lawbringing]

[ oh jack, you know exactly what a girl likes to hear.

which is why she'd like to hear more of it. the begging, that is, not the excuses - those kinda piss her off, to be honest. ]

Afraid I'm not that patient. Looks like I'll have to find someone else to pin down, rip the clothes off of and get rough with near dead animals.

[ shrug. you win some, you lose some, jack. it's either do exactly what she wants, or get nothing at all. ]

Maybe if I leave that drunk bandit alive... Yeah, that'd be fun. Doing all sorts of nasty things with him while he cries about his dumbass pets. Thanks for the idea, Jack. Never would have thought of it without you.

[buttstallion]

[ no no no no. why oh why is this chick the one freaking person on the planet who can get away with doing this to him?

that begging thing takes such a toll on his precious precious ego but... it's kind of hot with nisha. and there's literally nobody else on this shithole planet who's capable of keeping up with him and--

then comes that comment about mordecai. ]

Oh baby no. No no no no don't do that! You don't wanna even know how many different diseases you would catch and that would be a real shame.

[ for jack. and it would also mean mordecai is getting more than him. unacceptable. nope. ]

Kay, yeah, so I just puked in my mouth a little. You win. I'm comin' down there.

[lawbringing]

[ if it makes up for any of it, nisha seems him in almost the same way. sure, he's not as brilliant as she is with a gun, but he's bloodthirsty and twisted and actually willing to do what needs to be done.

nisha's not one for the whole 'soft and sweet' thing, but she's gotta admit; handsome jack's not bad. she likes him, which is a lot more than she can say for the rest of pandora.

plus that face, that ego, begging her for sex? she's pretty fond of that, too. ]

Baby?

[ she cocks a brow, one of her jakobs pistols sliding out of it's holster and twisting around her fingers, eventually coming to rest under jack's chin. the barrel's still warm, and nisha wouldn't be surprised if she had to wipe gun powder residue off his chin afterwards. ]

god, this is really, really hot. ]

Pretty sure it's Ms. Kadam. Wanna give it another try, handsome?