I cannot believe I got enabled into this. Fire!Tony disagrees.

[anationofashandcinders]

I'm not the weirdest idea you've had. At least you actually know you'll get to tag around with me, even if it's only with one person initially. Pretty sure eventually someone will talk to me if only out of curiosity. It's never failed me at college or dinner parties. We're solid, trust me. I've got this even if you don't.

Really, as much of a 'deviation' as you think this is from canon, it's actually better than canon. [Oh FFS, Tony, that's arrogant-] They're going to do Civil War in the MCU, remember? [...point taken, I stand corrected.] Well, technically you sit corrected. Anyway, I've got things under control. A screwdriver might get scorched or something, but once I quit trying to bottle it all up, shit got better. I think the team will get over it pretty quickly. Shwarma is a bonding thing, Mun-lady. [And nearly dying.] Eh, that too.

So! [Tony claps his hands cheerfully.] Where is everybody, anyway? And if I'm the Elsa in this, who's my Hans? Is it Loki? It's Loki, isn't it?

Comments

[tricksandmischief]

What are you talking about?

[anationofashandcinders]

My mun's metaphor. If I'm Elsa, and Steve is my Anna, we need the rest of the cast of Frozen. And you're a good liar, so that makes you Hans.

Which means you need to try and marry Steve. My mun is a sick woman.

[tricksandmischief]

That is not going to happen.

[anationofashandcinders]

Uh, yeah, Loki? I've read mythology. I know about Sleipnir. Let's not kid ourselves, Steve would not be the worst guy you've hooked up with. He probably wouldn't even make the top twelve.

[tricksandmischief]

[He sighs heavily.]

Why does everybody bring that up?

I must threadjack

[like_a_gerbil]

I have to what? No. I've seen that kind of fan fiction and I am not going near those kinds of story lines. They're almost as bad as the ones about you and Loki.

[Um... should Steve really admit he pays attention to the fan fiction his mun reads?]

This is great.

[anationofashandcinders]

Wait, me and Loki? That sounds hot. Is there fanart of it? Does he shapeshift when we're, you know...? [Sorry, Steve, Tony is immune to fanfic.] Besides, you two could work. Think of the relationship like a project. Who doesn't want a project?

See... this was an awesome idea!

[like_a_gerbil]

It's called Frost Iron. [Sometimes Steve almost hates his mundane.] She avoids the fan art since she prefers another pairing. From what she's seen, sometimes it... happens.

The two of us will not work and I do not want that project.

[like_a_gerbil]

[Steve can be serious even if his mun is giggling to herself in ways that might be disturbing if her family wasn't already used to it.]

I think the screwdriver would probably melt instead of be scorched.

[Yes, he can be helpful... in his own strange kind of way. At least it's fire powers since he's not exactly comfortable with ice or cold anymore.]

Loki does fit but I'm surprised you're not suggesting him for Sven.

[anationofashandcinders]

Depends on the metal. I've done both. The melting is the worst - sticks to everything and once it's cooled it's a pain to remove.

No, Loki's kid - the horse with all the legs? He can be Sven. Just, you know, reindeer instead of a horse. I don't hate Loki enough to wish a lifetime of eating carrots on him, Steve. I'm not that bad.

[like_a_gerbil]

Sleipnir. [If he's going to hang out with Thor, he's going to read the mythology just in case more of it is real.] He'd work as Sven. He's probably good at pulling a sleigh.

You still have the rest to cast of the Avengers if you're planning this out.

[anationofashandcinders]

Well, Natasha and Clint are the two guards who try to attack Elsa and nearly win despite not having powers, Bruce is the snow-golem or, as I like to call it, Snolem, and Thor... huh. We'll need to workshop that one.

[like_a_gerbil]

Usually Clint ends up in another Disney movie or Lord of the Rings. If Bruce is the snow golem... [No, Tony, he's not going to call Bruce a snolem.] Does he get to be human or is he stuck that way?

[tricksterofasgard]

Let the villain play the villain. Very original.
Should the more important question not be who your Anna happens to be?

[anationofashandcinders]

It's a toss up between Steve, Pepper, and Rhodey. But Pepper's actually redheaded like Anna, so. She might have an unfair advantage there.

Aaaand I just realized if you're Hans you get eleven more Thors. I think my brain just stalled trying to picture that.

[tricksterofasgard]

Funny that you would prioritize me having to deal with eleven foolish oafs rather than the idea of having to deal with Pepper set on marrying me.

Shall we ask her what she thinks of that scenario?

[ And while the idea of eleven Thors does unnerve him... Loki shall not show it. ]

[anationofashandcinders]

We should. [Tony has undying faith in Pepper.] I think she could tame you. I mean, she did it with me in multiple universes. And your kids would be gorgeous. [Tony thinks it over.] Just a warning as a man who's been there: when she says she'll have her revenge, she's getting it. Usually in a way that's endearing. It's kind of like dating a really sweet cat that turns out to have adamantium claws.

[arach_nerd]

I gotta wonder how all this goes down with Extremis.

And stop bugging Steve about dating. Shockingly enough, he's a grown man who's actually able to get around to it on his own time every so often.

[anationofashandcinders]

That hasn't happened for me yet, so you and me both.

[Tony grabs Peter by the shoulder and yanks him close to whisper quickly,] If he gives up on all dating I don't have a chance, so quit cockblocking. At least let me have a nice dinner with him before I give up the dream!

[arach_nerd]

Tony, as the only one between the two of us who knows what a stable relationship actually consists of, I feel I should tell you something.

If you wanna go on a date with someone? You ask them out, not toss them into the lion pit more commonly known as speed dating.

[anationofashandcinders]

I'm dropping hints in case Steve's not gay or bi. You know, breadcrumbs. I'm available to date. He should be dating. He likes brunettes. I'm right over here. He'll get it.

...is that not how this works?

[incrediblebanner]

I don't think I want to know who I am in this metaphor.

[Also, she's so sorry about this, but - ] My mun insists I leave this here.

[anationofashandcinders]

Well, either you're Anna with powers or you could be the snolem Elsa makes. That thing was pretty awesome, plus it was named Marshmallow in the credits, so it gives me a new nickname for you.

...thank your mun for that. Mine is laughing. [Tony, not so much.]

[incrediblebanner]

I am not a snolem. [because fuuuuuu although she would look very pretty in a crown.]

Mine says yours is quite welcome.

[anationofashandcinders]

But it's such a cool word. Snolem. It's just fun to say. Who wouldn't want to be a snolem?