i don't even know

[uhno]

No.

The good things about working for Jack:
money
money
money
steak
money
ROBOTS

Going anywhere else:
less money
less robots
smells funny
murder might be illegal
boring
boring
boring
bad steak

Don't even think about it. I will punch your face through your face.

Okay. Bye.

Comments

[yankovic]

Pretty concise.

You gotta have a hell of a punch to put your fist through someone's face though.

[Old-assed bara grandpa puts his hand on his chin like he's seriously thinking about this.]

[uhno]

That's because it's made of metal, dumbass.

[yankovic]

So's mine. [Literally pops off his hand to show him that it's artificial like Wilmhelm is supposed to be impressed.] Dumbass.

[uhno]

[ stands there. blankfaces. ]

If I rip my arm off, I will probably die.

[yankovic]

HAH. [you know because this was a competition

joseph would lose anyway

pops his hand back on]

Maybe you oughta invest in something like that if you fight. I get my hand cut off a lot.

[uhno]

It looks like you got fucking ripped off.

I'll pass.

[yankovic]

No, I mean. People attack this hand.

Specifically this hand for no reason even if they know it's artificial and it doesn't actually hurt.

It's weird. Anyway, think about it.

[rainbow appears over his head
the more u no]

[uhno]

But it comes off.

And that's stupid.

I think I'll invest in eye-lasers instead.

[yankovic]

But they come at me with Stands--I mean, things that are sharper than goddamn sawblades, how would NOTHING get sliced off--

Wait.

Eye lasers.

[uhno]

Get a job. Get paid a lot of money. Buy an arm that doesn't suck.

Or eye-lasers.

Problem solved.

[yankovic]

Is there a part about "crazy people who can literally cut anything" you don't get or.

Why eye lasers.

[iamthegoddamnhero]

Have I ever I mentioned that I really like just how-- nice and concise you are?

[uhno]

No.

You haven't.

Do I get a bonus now?

[iamthegoddamnhero]

Mmmmmmmmnope but I can totally moonshot you at a new location to raze in the name of Hyperion, maybe?

[uhno]

...

Alright. I guess that's cool.

Gimme a free cyber enhancement and I'll take it slow.

[iamthegoddamnhero]

Sold! Somebody give this guy a new, reinforced spine!

[tenderloin]

I want steak! Bandit steak! Skag steak! Baby steak! THAT-ANNOYING-ROBOT STEAK!!!

[uhno]

Bandit steak blows. No.

Does that robot dance.

[tenderloin]

Wrong! Wrong! Ring ring ring, WRONG, bzzzzzzz! They're so chewy! Just like that STUPID DANCING ROBOT probably is... !

[uhno]

You're gonna break your teeth on him.

I will give you 10% of my cut.

[tenderloin]

Grraughh, no! My pearly little spires will crush and grind and tear as the bubbly ravine washes it down!

[uhno]

Really? Awesome. Okay.

Come to the moon. Right now.

[tenderloin]

OKAY!!!!!

[Krieg proceeds to take the time to find a launching shuttle, hook onto it like those bandits in the intro, and blast off into space.]

[uhno]

[ Watches rocket blasting toward the moon. Squints as nears. Closer. Closer. CLOSER. ]

Oh.

[ Looks like a Pandora bandit. ]

Oops. Shit.

[tenderloin]

[Crash-lands. Hops out of this wrecked shuttle unscathed. He starts walking, flipping his buzzaxe into the air when suddenly -

he starts choking abruptly. The axe starts floating away.]

GAKKK-- !

[Rather than do anything sensible he leaps up into the air to try to catch the weapon. Sending himself flying up after it. Oops.]

[uhno]

[ Hahahaha is that an airborne psycho suffocating?

Oh this is great.

Wilhelm even smiles. Except he doesn't smile so he just continues to blankface. Aaaaand... pulling out his rocket launcher. ]

Sorry it has to end this way. I really fucking hate that dancing. Uhhhhh.

[ Fires. ]

[tenderloin]

[Krieg is suffocating. At least, that's what the voice in his head tells him. But that's okay. He just wants his slashy-swipey thing!

He reaches for it just in time as a rocket goes flying up into his face. Krieg turns to smack it with the axe, causing it to first donk out of its trajectory, then explode.

It conveniently sends him hurtling toward Wilhelm. Tumbling over himself like a Kraggon.

Also Krieg is roaring the whole time. Like, a dinosaur-Spartan charging into battle or something.]

[uhno]

[ Wilhelm watches. Assuming that the rocket's just gonna kill this idiot but. Oh. Oh. ]

How are you not--

[ Backing up backing up backing up. Okay no.

You know what? Just gonna launch his robo-fist toward Krieg's face when he's close enough. ]

Okay seriously. I made a mistake. You can die now.