AoS - Leo doesn't know how to handle the latest episode

[controlsthedwarves]

How am I supposed to tell them apart? I know... know she isn't real but that doesn't stop it. Now she's here, acting like- like nothing's changed...

[Leo, you'll be able to tell, I know it.]

It's going to drive her away again...

[She didn't get driven off before, she left for a mission, remember?]

Right. Right. 'The mission'. Except now, everything's weird between us. I shouldn't have told her. I just didn't think we'd make it. I thought-

[No one's judging you for that choice, I promise.]

I am.

Comments

[holdtheolives]

I generally find that we're harder on ourselves than others are on us.

From what I've seen, Fitz, she seems like a very understanding woman.

Don't do this to yourself, sport. It's unhealthy.

[controlsthedwarves]

[Bobbi. He doesn't quite know what to make of her, yet. Simmons seems happy with her, though...]

...She's acting just like them. The rest of them. Only Hunter and Mack have acted like... like... I'm not just... broken. She just up and left!

[holdtheolives]

[To be sure, not everyone does, considering she only has history with a limited amount of the. Bobbi understands.]

I know that it feels that way, but there were extenuating circumstances. She may have left your side, physically, but I don't think she ever left you, Fitz.

[controlsthedwarves]

I... I don't know anymore. She just up and left- none of them trusted me to know! They all knew except for me!

[There's still a lot for him to get over.]

[bytwo]

[Apparently, on Mondays we wear pink seek out sad-but-cute Scottish boys.

Which is to say, there's a River with a little quirk of her lips like she's trying to smile but can't. Her hands flutter anxiously before settling with one on her arm in a half-hug.] You'll be okay.

[controlsthedwarves]

[Hey look, someone who looks as awkward as he feels right now. Indeed sad-but-cute Scottish boy.]

...How do you know? Nothing's been okay for a long time. ...Long time.

[bytwo]

[Her face crumples at that, like he's just knocked down the house of cards that was her desperate attempt to look comforting.] - It'll be okay.

[controlsthedwarves]

[He doesn't know what to do when her expression falls like that. He might be socially awkward at best and mentally damaged at worst, but he doesn't like hurting someone like that, even on accident.]

I.. I just don't see how. If everything is ruined because.., because of me... If we cant be the same because I'm not...

[He once said he wouldn't know what to do if Simmons was HYDRA; this is almost worse.]

she is the worst at comforting, sorry Fitz.

[bytwo]

[Miserably:] It won't be the same. You won't... [She looks a little like she's about to cry.] But they want you there.

She is too adorable for words. ...But yes the worst at this. XD

[controlsthedwarves]

[How does he stop her from crying?? ...Light, hugely awkward arm pat, have one.]

Some... maybe some of them do, but the rest... I was part of the team before, involved but now I feel like they just... Like I'm just...

[The words don't come easily, frustration pouring off of him as he hunts them down.]

Like I'm there because they feel bad for me.

[But Hunter and Mack? They had reached out to him. It had finally felt right. Good. Almost like normal. Almost. It can't be normal without Simmons there - but now that she's come back, it's anything but normal.]

psychic + diminished ability to control emotional responses = terrible at comforting.

[bytwo]

They want... want you to be better, but you are. Better. But they don't know, and you don't know, and it's... people get confused.

[It's almost like she's talking from experience.]

I know but it still breaks my heart! /pets her

[controlsthedwarves]

How am I better?! Unless better means 'not in a coma'. [It's clear how much he's been holding in on all of this.]

I don't feel better. I feel... [he flounders for a word, but finally chooses-] lost.

[bytwo]

You're finding a path.

[See? She can be comforting. Sometimes. That was totally comforting.]

[controlsthedwarves]

...finding a path?

[Maybe comforting if he understood it?]

I.. don't follow.

[bytwo]

Out of the woods.

[He's not alone in the inability to follow River's logic club.]

[controlsthedwarves]

...out of the woods.

What if there's no end to the woods? I... I've seen the scans. I know the damage's done. It feels like I've changed, but... she can't accept that.

[bytwo]

[She flinches a little at I've seen the scans, but manages to recover fast.] People change. They surprise you. You're not the only one.

[controlsthedwarves]

...I did change. And she did surprise me. [There is a darkness in his words, one born of frustration and sadness.]

She just can't accept that I have.

[bytwo]

She will.

[wealldosillythings]

My dad always said we're our own worst critics. Maybe things'll be better than you expect?

[Have another British friend, Fitz. Only this one works with dead people and Sherlock Holmes.]

[controlsthedwarves]

[It's actually quite nice to hear a familiar sort of voice, even if the particular voice isn't familiar.]

Maybe. ...It just... doesn't seem that way. Not how things have been going down.

[wealldosillythings]

Well...it can't rain all the time. Eventually things have to look up - are things right now the worst they've ever been or is it just "kind of bad?

[controlsthedwarves]

...My best friend deserted me, my friend and teammate turned out to be a murderous traitor who tried to kill us, we're being hunted like animals.

I'm pretty sure that this is 'the worst'.

[Sad part is everything indicates it's only going to get worse.]

[wealldosillythings]

...Oh.

[She's quiet for a substantial moment, lips tugged to the side in thought. If she offered up some of the bad times she's been through, it could come off sounding competitive. Okay. I admit that's bad. But...there are still good things. I mean - you've got a better idea of who your real friends are, right? And to try and make your time with them matter. Those aren't bad ideas.

[But Molly has always come off the annoyingly optimistic type, and perhaps that isn't what Fitz is looking for.]

[anecdoting]

You worry too much, Snow White.

Look, we've all got things we swore to ourselves we'd never say. Secrets we're desperate to tell, but the consequences shut us up. Then, life flashing before our eyes, we all think, 'Why the hell not?' because we don't expect to be around for the consequences. It's not something to regret. It happens. You were brave to say it, now you'll have to be brave enough to live with it.

Sorry about the silence! I was on vacation!

[controlsthedwarves]

Even if it cost me everything? How do you not regret it then?

And it feels less like being brave, living with it, and more like... like...

[There's that pause, the faint shift listening to someone behind him.]

Devastation.

slow tags are fine! i'm guilty too.

[anecdoting]

What's "everything", mate? I don't think you know what it's cost you yet. Give it time.

[Hunter's used to this, more or less. Fitz doesn't discourage him with little pauses, the gaps where someone else would be talking, if someone else were really there. He didn't know Fitz before, so it's not painful for him to watch. It's like having a buddy with a leg blown off or something, a war wound: you don't ignore it, but you don't make a big deal out of it either.]

Yeah. It's probably gonna feel like a lot of things, before it feels better.

I also play Hunter so much <3

[controlsthedwarves]

This. [tapping his temple] And... other things.

[Simmons. With how things have been going since her return, he's convinced it means that he's lost her.]

...Better. Do you really think it'll get better?