no

[ballsoffire]

Hey, can we... stop enraging giant robots and setting their commanding officers on fire?

I know I keep bitching about my life being shitty, but it's a lot better than being... you know... in Hell. I'll eat Kraft mac and cheese every day if I have to, lets just stop making the giant alien robots angry.

... Yes all of them.

I don't care how many sins they've committed, not my circus, not my monkeys.

Comments

[firegodrockstar]

Aw, c'mon. If there's one thing we've ever been able to bond over, it's got to be setting giant alien robots on fire.

Especially giant alien robot monkeys! Hell, we oughta tape that and put it up on Youtube.

[ballsoffire]

Look I'm only an invincible super human by night, I don't get special powers in the day.

They'll turn me into mashed potatoes, no thank you. I'd rather die crashing my bike than 'get stepped on by angry robot'.

[firegodrockstar]

Wear a hat! We all look the same to them anyway.

Not to mention you don't have a fleshless flaming skull in daytime, right?

Cause if you've got the skull during day and not the powers, that just sucks.

[ballsoffire]

I got nothing in the day. Just Johnny Boring Blaze, all day. And then I might be boring at night as long I don't happen to run into any errant shop lifters.

[firegodrockstar]

Uh-huh. You realize I still have those pics from you in the swimsuit calendar, right? Because that thing was comedy GOLD. (Happened during day, too.)

Still, don't you have like a mechanic's garage or something to take up your time? I coulda sworn you were the kind of guy who likes working on engines.

[ballsoffire]

... Pretty sure I told you to burn those.

I am, I'm usually involved with the bike.

[firegodrockstar]

Oh, I did, I did. ...After having Reed print out fireproof copies, of course. Just because I burned 'em doesn't mean they're gone, buddy. [Ain't he the BEST buddy?]

See, this is why you're the perfect choice for setting robots on fire! Who else would know what spots to burn to stop their cold, metallic fists from destroying people? Besides me, of course, but as awesome as I am you still make for good backup.

[...At least he's not calling Johnny a sidekick?]

[ballsoffire]

... Really, dude? Look, I was broke, a guy can make mistakes. Bet they're not hellfire proof.

No. Nope. Made enough dumb choices in my life. I'm calling it, this is the last dumb thing I'm going to do ever. I'm going to buy some goddamn tea, learn to like reading and build a house in the middle of nowhere and just live there.

Where no one will bother me.

Especially not giant robots.

You're on your own, Johnny.

hello again! I'm thebitterrabbit and I have a type

[columblind]

Dude, giant robots? On fire? How can you say no t' that? Ya don't get cooler than takin' down giant robots!

[masterofdeceit]

Jerk.

[ballsoffire]

And then their boss gets mad and smashes you.

[ballsoffire]

Sorry, even if it was a stupid idea, I don't actually feel bad about setting you on fire.

[columblind]

So don't get smashed. Duh. They're giant fuckin' robots, they're not fast.

[ballsoffire]

... Actually they're pretty fast, I only outran one because I was on my bike.

[columblind]

No shit? Cool. Well hey, least you'd be celebrity gum on the bottom of Megatron's foot.

[he's a little too amused at that mental image]

[masterofdeceit]

Someone else didn't feel bad about setting me on fire either. Now here I sit waiting for someone to put me back together.

She didn't seem to feel bad about letting Knock Out getting in trouble either. The sadist.

[ballsoffire]

Oh well, maybe you should stop being such a bunch of assholes. Kind of brought it on yourself.

[ballsoffire]

No thank you. I just punched Starscream, I don't think he'll care that much.

...

I could have beaten the shit out of Soundwave, then I'd be in trouble.

[firegodrockstar]

Uh-huh.

Ahh, you're no fun anymore. Can't you just see it? "J&J Auto Repair/Destruction Services: We Build 'Em Up And Melt 'Em Down!" And if you really HAVE to be a buzzkill about it, I guess we could start with normal-sized robots. Maybe give a discount to Machine Man.

[ballsoffire]

Look, go blame him. That wasn't me, that was him, I don't do shit.

I'm not. Going to fight Megatron. Optimus Prime can't even kill Megatron.

[firegodrockstar]

Right, because demons of Vengeance just spontaneously decide to 'dare to bare bones' for a magazine spread all on their own. It's cool, man, I'm sure you had good reasons! Besides, Punisher looked WAY dumber than you did anyway.

Are you still on about that? Who even cares about some useless jackass like Megatron? If I wanted to take him down, I'd just lock him, Dr. Doom, and Annihilus in a Negative Zone room together and set it to not open until somebody knocked politely. Problem SOLVED.

So can we get to the fun stuff now? C'mon, Johnny, what fireproof bug crawled up your ass-bone?

[ballsoffire]

Not me man. Not even for a million dollars. Bones or no bones, my junk stays in my pants.

I don't know, he's been going strong for at least four million years, he's gotta know something we don't. ... Doom might knock.

I'm a little busy with murdering a cult of berserk angel worshipers okay?

[firegodrockstar]

No wonder you had him do it.

He knows how to be powered by Energon and sleep for at least three million years straight? And c'mon, you've MET Doom, right?

So what you're saying is 'Johny, we could totally wander around setting normal-sized robots on fire, but first you should come over and barbecue these guys picketing outside the Worthington estates.' You know, it's not that hard to just spit it out- But gotta admit, it's pretty new to find people worshipping a mutant for a change. Especially Angel; that guy's useless!

[ballsoffire]

Shut up, dude. You're getting to be worse than Wade.

He still might knock. At least a better chance of knocking than Megatron.

Actually, they're kidnapping people and murdering them in the name of their heavenly angel and attempting to bring about the apocalypse. Shot me all to shit.

...

Also they tried to fuck up my bike. I'm kind of taking that personally.

[firegodrockstar]

Okay, now that? That is low.

And that's the beauty of the idea. Doom's probably the only one who'd think of it, and even then turn it down as 'beneath him'. And even if he does, we're still 2 villains down no worries.

Oh, hell. Is it those Purifier whackjobs again? I'll leave you be on this one, I can tell they made it personal.

[ballsoffire]

Can't take the heat, Johnny?

I'd take Doom over Megatron. Doom's only six feet tall.

Yeah one of those again. They came up with a cute new nickname for me and everything. Then they tried to trash my ride. I can't really feel bad about picking them out of my tires the next day.

[firegodrockstar]

Dude, if it was Wade we'd be hearing nonstop jokes about how we're 'totally flaming' and at least three demands for chimichangas. I'll pass.

And Doom's ego is big enough to squash Megatron like a bug. Besides, if you gotta choose between villains, never pick the smart one. Give me giant alien robots any day; I'm pretty sure I handled those literally in my sleep at one point. All kinda blurs together after enough heroing, you know?

Can't blame you at all. But hey, is that thing as much of a pain as I heard it is? Somebody told me the thing handles like a rusty shopping cart.

[ballsoffire]

I'm on a team with the guy. That is my life.

I can always set Doom on fire. I mean... I'm not fucking General Patton but I can figure things out. Or you know... punch through them. I'll take Doom, I don't know if the Penance Stare works on alien robots.

Are you seriously going to insult my ride? If you want to ride my bike you can just ask, asshole.

[columblind]

[snorts] Yeah, compared t' Starscream, Soundwave's downright terrifying. And Megatron might actually give a shit.

Why'd you punch Starscream though? He's like, the least threatening Decepticon. Ya couldn't've aimed a little higher?