This 13 year old needs a home ;u;

[badonkadonk_baby]

Who's out messin' up on my flow, yo? IS IT YOU?
Here I am, mindin my business gettin' my 'splode on and outta nowhere you come out to snatch it up? Keep it up and we go'on have a baaaaaad time. Das' jus' rude. Oooo gurl, 'nless you got a cooler idea, and I can bring ma' babies wit' me, then count me in-- but muh babies gotta come first, or we ain't got no deal.

[Your babies are just grenades and missiles in doll clothes...]

Comments

[divorcee]

[Hoo boy. Hoooooo boy.]

Thiiiiis isn't gonna end well.

[badonkadonk_baby]

Whut chu' talkin' 'bout shawty? You know I'm da' man wit' da' mastah plan.
An' by plan, I mean babies. An' they happy to see you, boo.

[divorcee]

Yeah? Just don't blow me up, Tina. New-U Stations aren't exactly pain-free. ...Think the last one put my foot on backwards, actually, come to think of it. [Dammit, Hyperion.]

[badonkadonk_baby]

[Doooooon't mind her. She's sort of peeking over to look at your foot-- because dayum.]

Excuuuuuuuse me, are you (scoff) doubting mah expertiseseseses?
Because then I would have to advise you to shut the hell up.

...

'M jus' kiddin'.
You know, shawty, you go'on be ace. I got 'chur butt. Don't you worry.

[But that's not before she moves up to him and starts pushing him... somewhere.]

Whaddya say, vault hunter? ARE YOU UP FOR AN ADVENTUUURE? I am. Let's go. I'm ready.

[divorcee]

[Being pushed around by a 13-year old: hilarious. Being pushed around by a 13-year old with more comprehensive knowledge of explosives than an entire bomb disposal squad: terrifying. But Axton... laughs, just a little.]

Am I up for an adventure? Hell, Tina, I'm bored out of my mind! 'Long as you don't hog all the loot, I'm game.

[And as long as she doesn't try to blow him up like that one time. Kinda hard to bury the hatchet when you're dead.]

[badonkadonk_baby]

[That was your fault. Shouldn't have said those things, man.]

Now DAS what I'M TALKIN' ABOooooUT. You mean it? You promise?
Das why you da b-b-best when you ain't talkin' smack, slice.
I think we even now. Imma make you somethin' nice jus for bein' so chill.


[She was gonna put a mine in your pocket for shits, but you have her mercy.]

[tomoveyou]

[Looks at the babies.

Looks at Tina.

Looks at the babies again, and decides that talking to this little girl may turn out to be the mistake of a lifetime... but what a mistake it would be.]

Some places have rather restrictive rules for who gets to tag along on adventures with us. Might want to screen which places they have in mind, just in case.

[badonkadonk_baby]

I would like to graciously in-form you that ma' hoes are the most well be-haved babies on the pla-net.
Well, not Miss Mimi O' bootypop over here. But you jus' gotta keep an eye on 'er.

[She tosses one of the grenades in the air and catches it. You gotta assume that one's Mimi O' bootypop.]

Dat bootay aint gon' nowhere f' she ain't got no date, know what I meeeeaaan, dreeeaaam?
Wanna hold her? Hold her hold her hold her. Do it.

[She's handing the grenade to you. It's got a cute lil' face and everything.]

[tomoveyou]

[That's a grenade. Layle here may be from some kind of steam-punk Japanese fantasy world but he has seen enough action and military in his day to recognize an explosive device when he sees one and that is definitely a grenade aaand she's holding it out to him.

Yes. A thousand times yes.]

What kind of guy would I be to turn down an offer like that?

[And up she goes. Fingers kept off the pin, wouldn't do to feel a girl up this soon in their relationship.]

[badonkadonk_baby]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
I think she like you.

[She jumps excitedly-- hell yeah!]

Tell me somebodies gon' say no to that bubble.
Jus' gon' find me a place, and you KNOW 'is gon' be a partayyyy~♫.

[Because any game is just going to TOTALLY let her in with all these explosives.]

[tomoveyou]

[Ah yes, there was that again- her insisting on bringing the babies with her. On the one hand, playing along with her delusions could end up QUITE negative for his and other people's well-being... but couldn't the same be said for NOT doing so?]

We'll have to hope the people in charge of games have as excellent taste in friends as you do. Far too many out there who don't.

[Just gonna do that nonchalant thing people do with coins when they flip them along their fingers now, only with miss bootypop. Because nimble hands. He's got 'em.]

[badonkadonk_baby]

Pffsht. Shiieet.
The only people I take orders from is muh boy Roland, muh gurl Moxxi, Missy miss Lilith, an' zee... Brickinator.

An' none o' those hoes here so I'm cut.
TINA DON'T TAKE ORDERS FRoM BITCHASSES.

...

Do you?

[tomoveyou]

If they pay well enough and don't plan on stabbing me in the back. Bitch-ass money is still money.

[h0kku]

M0̶therly instincts/ Are terrifying and l0̶ud/ But I like y0̶ur kids.

[badonkadonk_baby]

Awwhhhh.

Y' makin' me blush, sucka.
Heh. Hehehehehehehe.

This the place y'all vaulties be kickin' it lately? Got me goin' t' a game too, son.

[h0kku]

[ A <3 displays on his visor momentarily. Her children are very useful, as he admitted.]

A place t0 gather/ But with n0 l00t or amm0/ I want a challenge.

[badonkadonk_baby]

You. Yous jus' gave me an idea, gurl.

[h0kku]

? [ Says it all, really.]

[badonkadonk_baby]

Well, seein' that you're doin'a whole lotta nothin, and I need a whole ton a' somethin's to be done-done-- I'm sure you can put tew an tewwww tewgether. Jus' like ol' times.

[h0kku]

Just tell me the place/ I am eager f0r battle/ Anything but this.

[caster_blaster]

You could always come be a pirate, I suppose. I don't much recommend it to kids, but you seem more than able to take care of yourself.

[badonkadonk_baby]

That... is...

The BEST IDEA EVERRRRRR. YESSSSS. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT.

Tiny Tiiiiiiiiina. Pirating extraordinaire. Shanking bitches and eatin' babies since muh gurl here suggested that good shiet to me. Woop woooooop.

[And she tilts her head reaaaaaalllyyy far to one side.]

You gots yourself a pirating shindig? [Because knowing a pirate is the first step, everyone knows that.]

[caster_blaster]

Not so much the baby-eating thing, but I guess the rest is pretty fun. Running from the Navy, not knowing if the other crews want to befriend you or sink you, wacky hijinx on islands. It's all pretty crazy stuff.

I'm part of crew, if that's what you mean. I used to hunt space pirates back home, so it's a bit of a shift.