{ some conclusions on her first week in game }

[whitish]

Is it so, to live one's life amongst others? Amongst people, not birds of a feather... I have not done so for the longest time, my writer - it is a wholly new experience to me. A whole new world. One I have desired, as only a woman can desire. One for which I have longed, as only a maiden can long. What am I now - when I have known Rothbart and been a swan, when I have known Siegfried and been a maiden, when I have known Odile and been a woman? Which one, my writer?

At this point, which one must it be said that am I?

Comments

[crowschild]

All of the above?

[whitish]

Yet, how can one be both animal and human, my lord? Both maiden and woman? Are they not concepts that annul one another?

[crowschild]

I'm not a lord. A knight, but not a lord.

Humans are animals. And there are creatures in my world that have what you could say both animal and human shapes. One is just an extension of the other.

And I am going to go on the assumption you mean maiden as someone who hasn't had sex yet?

[whitish]

Shifters of shape, creatures like I - half animal, half human... I wish not to live this cursed existence forever, no longer a virgin as you word it, but not fully a woman either.

[crowschild]

No, not half human half animal. Just... something else.

Though I don't think I'm following you there.

[maledictory]

Why when you have known me - and me alone - have you been a woman? Was your dear Siegfried unable to render you such?

[whitish]

With Siegfried, I was pure still! It is you, Odile, who has soiled my maidenhood and forced me to grow into a woman... With your darkness and your deceit.

[maledictory]

If that is indeed how I soiled your maidenhood, it was ill-done of me. I ought to have soiled it with pretty words - and perhaps a little darkness.

Would that I could despoil you once more, and properly.

[whitish]

You speak as if I'm nothing but a child's plaything between your hands. When in reality, I belong not to you, but to your father first. You may have caused my ruin, but I am not yours and never shall I be.

[maledictory]

What is my father's shall be mine in time - not because he could ever pass away into nothingness, but because he will tire, and find some new diversion. You will be cast aside, and you will be glad for my attentions then.

I will still desire you, Odette.

[whitish]

Perhaps I wish first to drown in the salty waters of my mother's tears before I pass into your possession, owl's daughter. Perhaps I wish first to die.

[maledictory]

Why do you think it worse to fall into my hands than to linger in my father's? I did not give you the form of a swan. I aided you, dear Odette, to see that Siegfried is disloyal, and cares only for beauty.

I am your friend.

[whitish]

In my maidens, I have friends who are true, who know the pain of transfiguration on their own mauled bodies. Tell me this, Odile - will you be a friend of theirs also?

[maledictory]

In friendship and love for your maidens, I would take upon myself the burden of proving their lovers' infidelity, as well. Shall I, Odette? It would be a daunting quest, indeed: thirty transgressions in a single night.

[whitish]

Know you no shame? Have you no mercy, give you no quarter? We have surely suffered enough under your father's spell - let us not, too, suffer under yours!

[maledictory]

Do you not wish me to befriend your maidens? But you are a vacillating creature!

[whitish]

What I wish -- I wish... Yes, my heart craves my freedom and if you are not willing to extend it to me, on those dark wings of yours, then I wish for you to leave me in peace.

[maledictory]

Were I to give you your freedom, you would flee, and I would have no Odette. Were I to leave you in peace, again I would have no Odette.

No, I can grant to you neither request.

I will come to New Dodge; surely you must feel the sting of loneliness without familiar company. If you cannot have your maidens, you shall have me and be content.

[whitish]

New Dodge were to be my haven and you, Odile, will only disturb its waters. As such, you shan't belong!

[maledictory]

And do you belong, Odette? Have you found succor in the arms of the rabble, and comfort in a place so far from home? No, we will both be strangers in a strange land, and mark this: in time, you will turn to me. I am all you truly know.

[whitish]

There is a lake, one in which my swan self resides - and myself, I walk the streets at night, when my legs will bear me. Perhaps I do not belong, as you say, but I have made a home of it and my home it shall be, with or without you.

[maledictory]

Can you abide a home so far from the lake of your mother's making? I think it is better a home with me than without. I will help ease your heartsickness with soft words and tender companionship.

If you reject my magnanimity, Odette, I will make your home as cold as an empty hearth. You do not stoop to lies and accusation, but I shall, and no solace will you find amongst the populace. Think on it: call me enemy, and so it shall be - but you need only call me 'friend', and I shall be your dearest companion.

[whitish]

A companion you may become to me, in origin and history, but dearest you will never be, for there is nothing dear about your nature and nothing dear binds us together.

[maledictory]

Do you not hold dear to you the softness and grace of swans? We are bound together, you and I, in our avian natures, and in the beating of our hearts and the misfortune of our sex.

Think you it is misfortune, Odette? So thinks my father, but I am uncertain on this claim; femininity wields great power. Men fall to their knees and tremble before us when we exert our will. I could teach you this art, if it pleases you. Together we could shame those who give vows of love as they might give coin, trading commodity without true emotion tied to their pretty words.

[whitish]

Siegfried spoke from the depths of his heart and from the depths of his heart did he mean his words. Without your deceit, he would have stayed true, for he vowed his love to whom he believed to be me and not to you in person!

[maledictory]

Am I the sole deceiver of men? Does there exists only one form of deception? If Siegfried had so easily been led astray by me in a single night, how might he have been so if inundated by another woman will ill-intent for a longer time? Weeks, Odette?

I have spared you suffering. Your heart has suffered only a small wound, and the scar will be small. Consider how it might have broken had he given you his vow and his hand in exchange for your maidenhead, only then to be proven disloyal.

[whitish]

[For a long moment, her only response is silence. A silence which speaks multitudes on its own and tells a truth she loathes to acknowledge.]

Perhaps I would rather have lived with his lies and his deceit forever, for it is human to do so... than to live with yours, even momentarily. In the manner of a mere animal.

[maledictory]

You would have been a mere animal to him, for animals are possessions - and so are wives. You blind yourself to this truth out of spite.

[whitish]

He saw the human I could become, if he were to grant me my freedom and he loved that woman of full potential, not the feeble swan!

[lt_blade]

Whichever one you choose. Even if you're a swan by day, you have something in you that's human-maiden or woman, you're still human.

[whitish]

Has my humanity not yet faded into nothingness? I may shed my feathers at night, but my swanliness remains. I cannot escape it, even as a woman. How much of a human am I, then?

[lt_blade]

You still feel emotion, don't you, that's being human. Animals feel emotion only in terms of danger or being content-depression and sadless for what you've lost doesn't count. Plus, if you weren't fully human, then you wouldn't miss it as much as you do.

The sorcerer who did this to you may have control over your form, but he can't totally take your humanity. How you're feeling now is proof of that.

[whitish]

Is this the extend of my freedom, to feel freely? To not be limited in my expression, albeit confined to my changing form?

[lt_blade]

*She sighs, trying to see her as a soldier who's both green and freaking out* Ma'am, sit down a moment.

*Once sitting* Ma'am, some time ago, I was also captured by a sorcerer, the reasons being for both his pleasure and a way of revenge against his enemies. He didn't trap me in any form, but he did trap me in an actual prison, and to keep me from escaping, he would on occasion steal my energy to keep me lethargic. One of the ways I kept from breaking was to remember who I was before the capture-my name, my rank, the team I had back home who was counting on me.

You had a life before becoming trapped, you must've had a family. Painful as it sounds to think back that far, it's the only way that this sorcerer can't fully trap you. He can change your form, but not your mind-that's the true difference.

[flutesolo]

You're harmoniously faceted, like everyone else. There aren't many people who are only one thing.

[whitish]

And if it is my grandest wish, to be but one thing only? To be only human... Does it, then, render me a lesser being of either nature?

[flutesolo]

[Her first thought is that Odette is being kind of a drama queen, then she reminds herself that being a ballet character, she probably can't help it]

Of course it doesn't make you lesser. Maybe in a new place, you can find a fresh start.