dear_mun | this sure did happen | Canon is Beetlejuice

I know the feeling.

This feels so hopeless.

You're tellin' me.

[Her babysitter nature comes out now as she realizes that Lydia is a child.]

What's your name?

[ Don't mind the dramatic sigh. ]

Lydia. What's yours?

[Don't worry - she doesn't mind. Her best friends are Annie and Lynda after all so she's more than used to dramatic sighs and teen angst.]

Laurie. Nice to meet you, Lydia.

It's nice to meet you, too.

You don't miss me?

[ No go away. ]

Who could ever miss you?

[Who could ever miss you... when you've been in my heart all this time? Yeah, he feels the same way, Lydia. That's why he brought you this bouquet of dead flowers.]

I know, I know. I missed you too, babes.

And I know what you're thinking: can you ever forgive me? Well, you put me in one nasty spot there... Buuuuuuut I suppose I can, just this once. [So how's about a kiss, make up, and get this honeymoon started? We're still cool, right?

... right?]

[ ~~NEVER~~

She's trying very hard to ignore those dead flowers, yup. ]

You haven't changed at all.

[ She has a look of disgust and her arms cross of her chest, keeping a good distance away. ]

I thought that sandworm ate you.

[Well, nearly dead flowers. Among the withered floral there is a single venus flytrap, barely clinging to life. It's mouth opens slightly and moves as though it were almost looking at Lydia.

Betelgeuse, who has either neglected to notice the plant or failed to care, rolls his eyes. Now you sound like Juno.] Can't change perfection. [Wink.]

And what? You thought I was dead? Me. A dead guy.

Perfectly annoying. [ She corrects.

Those poor flowers and venus flytrap. Maybe she could possibly bring them back to life... but that involves allowing him to give them to her, doesn't it? ]

No. I just thought... [ --that you'd be gone for good out of my life.

Okay, a little harsh so she keeps quiet. ]

It doesn't matter.

[Oh, you're just hilarious. Really killing him here, babes. How could he forget that exception sense of humor? He laughs, coughing something up in the process before slapping his knee and laughing some more.]

I'm sure the funeral was real touching. [Because what else could you be talking about?] But I'm back! So lets make with this whole matrimony thing already.

[Accept these flowers... and my hand in marriage.]

[ Oh god, he's so disgusting. Look at her expression of disgust. No. Just no. ]

Ewww! [ She covers her mouth momentarily and backs away. ]

I'd rather we didn't.

[ She's just gonna keep backing away. ]

I'm only a kid.

Edited 2014-08-21 03:37 (UTC)

[He smiles, thriving off of that disgust. You could say instilling fear and dismay in others was what he lived for - you know, if he were alive. Nothing could compare to the sweet sound of anguish in the morning. It helped set the mood when reading the daily obituaries with a hot cup of joe.]

Yeah, here's the thing, 'kid'. You made a deal. Not sure if you're familiar with how those work but basically I do something for you and in exchange you do something for me. [He saves Adam and Barbara, you marry him and set him free. Seems simple enough.

... yet, he still feels the need to elaborate.] Okay, okay. Hear me out. I let this slide and others catch wind, next thing you know I got people thinking they can just walk all over me. You get what I'm saying here?

Edited 2014-08-21 05:14 (UTC)

[ She knew how deals worked, although his deal was highly unfair. Lydia huffed out, an almost pout present on her lips. She was getting fed up with how he worked and if Barbara and Adam hadn't been in trouble, she would have never even asked him for help.

She should have never got her family involved. This would have never happened. It was all her fault and now she was stuck in the mud, but desperately flailing to get out somehow.

There had to be a loophole. ]

I don't want to hear you out... I don't want any part in this marriage! I don't want you - how clearer can I get?

[Now you’re just hurting his feelings. No need to take your frustration out on him.]

You should have thought of that before you agreed. [It was not as though he forced her to make this decision. She did that entirely on her own, which really is saying something as he has a tendency to be a bit… Assertive when it comes to getting what he wants.] And, no, I don’t do refunds. So don’t ask.

[A mountain of papers drop at Lydia’s feet, stacked up to the point they almost tower over her.] I think you’ll find my terms quite in order. [But if you think you can find a loophole, by all means… He’s confident that feeling of hopelessness and defeat will kick in before you get through even half that paperwork.]

[ Oh boohoo. He'll get over it. ]

Why can't you just go marry someone else? There's far more suitable women out there - and of age. Ugh.

[ Lydia jumps back, mouth gaping open at the sudden stack of papers in front of her. A hand comes to rest on her forehead as she looks up and down at it. That's a lot of papers to go over. After a moment of pondering, Lydia peeks around the mountain of paperwork to look back at Beetlejuice.

Maybe she could convince him to bargain... something. Anything. He wanted out of the afterlife, right? Well, maybe there could be another way. ]

If I agreed to the marriage, what would be in it for me? Once you're out of the afterlife, why not get a divorce? You'd be free, which is what you originally wanted, wasn't it?

[ An eyebrow quirks. ]

You'd want to be a good husband, too, and make sure your wife was happy no matter the cost.

Edited 2014-08-21 17:27 (UTC)

[He gives an exasperated sigh. Were there maggots in her ears or was that only something that happened to him? Either way, they’d been over this.] You got the Maitland’s. That was the deal. You don’t get anything else. [He saved two souls for the price of one. That’s a bargain right there so don’t even get him started on what you consider fair.] What do you think I am, a fucking charity? I got needs too, babes.

Just get to the damn point.

[ As true as it was about the deal, she was still too stubborn to budge. Why would she give up her freedom just so he could have his? It wasn't very fair in her eyes, but he'd never see that. He was too self-absorbed.

Go figure. ]

If we went through with this, you'd have to accept that there would be absolutely no sexual relations between the two of us and that you'd leave me alone for good. [ Or even he could still do whatever he pleased with any other and vice versa for herself if it ever came to that. Just nothing between them because really, a dead guy? ]

Or just getting a divorce.

[Another Betelgeuse appears and hey! Lydia is his bride!]

Doesn't work that way, babes. Divorce isn't an option. Don't worry though. I'll grow on ya! Forget this other loser. I'm a great guy to have around.

[ Lydia jumps and gasps at the other Beetlejuice appearing. ]

What... how are there two of you now?!

[ Adding even more space because oh no, not two of them. Double the trouble, much? ]

[So that was what all this was about. That explained a lot. Teenagers; was sex all they ever thought about it?

Between dealing with death (again) and finding Lydia the thought had not occurred to him that she would raise such a notion. The fact of the matter was she could never satisfy that desire. He was in the market for someone more exotic. Their marriage was only to grant him freedom from the ghost world. Any sexual attraction was secondary and gauged by the size of dem-titties; nonexistent.

But, tit’s or not, you don’t get eaten by a sandworm, wait through 9,998,383,749,999 souls and put up with Juno’s bullshit just to lose your freedom to some incredibly handsome looking shmuck.] Hey, hey, hey! I saw her first, pal.

Babes, don’t waste your time with this deadbeat. I’m the real deal.

Edited 2014-08-22 18:50 (UTC)

Yeah, you wish! I was one word away from matrimony with her!

[Honestly, it'd taken him centuries to find a girl he thought he could stand being actually married to and he wasn't about to let some other guy swoop in and jump his claim! Nope and nope, Lydia was his, even if it was only a marriage of convenience...at least until she filled out properly. He had high hopes for that.]

Don't listen to him, babes. I'm the better deal.

[ Lydia looked back and forth between the two of them, brows furrowing. Great, now they were fighting over her. What next?

Well, maybe she could have some fun with this. ]

How am I to tell the real one from the phony? [ Her shoulders lifted in a shrug, eyeing them both. ]

What's gonna make one of you better than the other?

[ Oh no, Lydia, what are you doing. Stop. ]

[The thought of punching himself in the face was tempting, very tempting, but if this were truly him he would be expecting that. They were exact equals physically. Placed against one another they would duke it out the rest of their afterlife. Or at least until they realized Lydia had slipped away. If he had to prove himself he'd have to outdo himself at what he did best.

They'd need to have an old fashion Scare Off.

He looks at himself with a smile.] Are you thinking... ?

[He grinned back, nodding.]

Good thing she's likes the spooky stuff. We'll blow her mind!

Well? What are you waiting for then?

[ Her arms crossed over her chest, trying to hide a small smirk that tried to make its appearance. ]

[This was an art. It couldn't be rushed. Did no one appreciate the craft of scaring anymore? He turned his head backwards - one hundred and eighty degrees - to face Lydia.] Sit down!

[At the order, a chair appeared behind the girl, a large snake coiled around the back. The snake hissed at Lydia, eager to confine her to the seat. He couldn't risk his 'get out of the afterlife free card' running off on him.

Fashioned in full cowboy apparel, Betelgeuse tipped his hat up to look at his ever so handsome self. Now for the real matter at hand. He rubbed his hands together anxiously. Time to see what he really had in him.]

Hit me, partner.

Keep your eyes open, babes. This is gonna be epic.

[Betelgeuse stood with his hands out from his sides and his feet apart. He took a deep, gulping breath and deep splits appeared in his torso, arms, legs, and even his face. His skeleton stepped out and his flesh hit the ground hard, turning into maggots. Green flame burst from his skeleton, shooting out towards his other self. He laughed maniacally.]

[ At both the command and his head spinning back to look at her made Lydia jump and tense in her spot. She only then moved when she heard the snake hissing from behind her which had her gasping in fear. It wasn't that she was afraid of snakes - oh no, she quite liked them, actually - but it was the fact that it was a clever attempt to keep her there. She wasn't about to let herself be caught.

Not here. Not when there were two of them now.

She turned her attention back to both of the dueling ghosts, watching them closely. The maggots had her scrunching her nose in disgust before looking back at the snake. Lydia tilted her head, an idea popping into her head. If saying Beetlejuice's name three times meant making him disappear - would it work the same way to make something of his disappear as well? Only one way to find out. ]

Go away, go away, go away! [ Her voice was low but firm as she stared at the snake. ]

[He takes a deep breath and inhales the flames thrown his way. So they were playing with fire now, were they? He smiles, feeling the heat build up inside him. Oh, yeah. He could work with this.

His skin begins to melt, trickling down his body like candle wax. And when he touches his face his fingers sink into it, creating a hole for the insects harbouring inside to crawl out. The ghost gives a low chuckle as they begin to pour from his eye sockets, his laughter only growing as the swarms of insects to escape him increase. They fly from his ears, nose and mouth and toward his handsome rival.

As for the snake which held Lydia captive, it did not instantly disappear at her command. Instead, it simply loosened its hold of her and slithered off on its own.]

[ooc: Sorry for the delay I recently moved and didn't have access to internet.]

[Betelgeuse couldn't resist. He snatched up some of the bigger bugs, popping one into his mouth and chewing eagerly. Yum! Really, though, he's only mildly distracted. Honestly. Of course, he forgot to rematerialize, so the bugs drop through his jaw, down onto his rib cage. Oops.

Spinning in a circle, Betelgeuse wraps his flames around himself, taking his snake form. He gathers up a huge mouthful of the bugs, chewing rapidly and swallowing them in a huge gulp. Cackling, he slithers over to Lydia and places his chin on her knee.]

How're we doing so far, babes? Ya comfy?

[ Her attention shifted from them both to the snake who slithered away, causing her to relax. At least that was gone, now if only she could sneak off somehow. She scooted to the edge of the chair, taking a glance around her surroundings before looking back between both Beetlejuice's.

They were just as vulgar together as they were as just one ghost. Lydia mouthed a silent "ewww" at all the bugs now swarming the other BJ. Although, once he takes on that snake form, Lydia's tensing up at the sudden flashbacks.

She inches back onto the chair, trying to get away from him and unsure of what he planned to do. When Beetlejuice rests his chin on her knee, she nods her head slowly. ]

You're... doing okay.

[ Lydia looks back at the other Beetlejuice before looking back down to the other. ]

Maybe you shouldn't be getting distracted... [ And with that being said, she's pushing him off her lap. Too close for comfort, thank you very much. ]

[The bugs that had been spared by his rival circled Betalgeuse, creating a curtain as his body began to tremble and change. He emerged from the swarm a spider, his size making him a worthy contender to the snake eying his prize. Wasting no time, he threw his large body against Betalgeuse, taking the opening the ghost had left when distracted by Lydia.]

Woof! [Betelgeuse exclaims, as his rival hits him. He twists so they are face to face.]

Hi there. How are ya? I think we're impressing her.

[Betelgeuse tries to slip his tail beneath the spider, intending to flip him like a burger.]

this sure did happen | Canon is Beetlejuice

Have a fellow Halloween-type muse

Yay!! :D

:D

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y u no call, Lydia?

Don't mind me as I keysmash away fdighdsighsjdjsdfhjsnyay

:)

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