Muse wonders why he was picked (canon is Dan Vs.)

[formerninja]

Dude, I don't see why you'd think getting me out of your headspace was a good idea. I'm done with all that ninja business.

I'm totally fine with just staying home and baking. I got a shop to take care of, you know.

Comments

[blueherring]

Waitwaitwait... waaaaiiittt just a flying fucking minute.

[I'm sorry.]

Did you just say you're choosing 'staying home and baking' over...'ninja business'????

[formerninja]

Being an assassin can get you killed, anyway. This chick nearly cut my head off the last time I went on a mission.

Besides, the rest of my clan's dead anyway. There really isn't anyone to ban me from making cookies.

[blueherring]

Ouch.
Well... you're not wrong.

...

Are you good at what you do?
The... baking, that is.

[formerninja]

I'm pretty sure I am! Business's been great so far. Making dairy-free cookies really helps with the reviews.

Even though I still think cookies taste pretty gross without butter.

[blueherring]

Oooh? Do you have any with you now?

[Okay, okay... she's got a REAL weak spot for cookies, cakes, and just about anything that can be a dessert.]

[formerninja]

I got some chocolate chip in the oven. They should be ready in half an hour.

[hasakatana]

Well, somebody has to balance out Dan's rampages.

[formerninja]

Isn't that what you guys already do?

[hasakatana]

I try. Chris just kind of accidentally enables.

[formerninja]

So you're expecting me to go all ninja on him? Or use my cookies to distract him?

[hasakatana]

I wouldn't say 'expecting.' I would say it's nice to have someone else here who's not Dan.

[formerninja]

Man, I feel you. Think he'd calm down a bit if I brought food?

[hasakatana]

I can hope! He's here somewhere, I just haven't seen him in a bit. So who knows what he's up to.

YES

[angry_jerk]

COOKIES.

NOW.

[There's the piece of work.]

VERY YES

[formerninja]

[Ah yes, this asshole. But he's a loyal customer, and Dave can't turn away the guy who'd probably blow up the place if he refused him service.

Plus, he is the reason why Ninja Dave's Cookie Shop exists in the first place.]

Hey man, just tell me which kind you want first. ["Cookies" is very vague and the displays are filled with all the delicious varieties.]

[angry_jerk]

Oh, then chocolate chip would be great.

[He's feeling a bit more generous now that cookies are more likely to be in his stomach soon.]

[formerninja]

Alright, how many?

[He walks over to where he keeps the butter-free cookies and...hold on.]

Dude, I don't have any of those right now. Only oatmeal.

[angry_jerk]

What?! This is an outrage, how dare you not be prepared?!

[PATHETIC BABY RAGING MODE ACTIVATE]

[formerninja]

[Oh noooo angry Dan is Not Good.]

Hey, listen, I didn't know they'd be gone so quick! People've been ordering them so much today that I didn't have time to bake more chocolate chip!

[That's a lie, but it's better than admitting that he didn't bother to bake lots of lactose-free cookies since the last time Dan came here. He doesn't come here that often, so why overproduce?

Apparently, he was very wrong.]

[polyturtle]

No one's ever out of the ninja business; they'e just on indefinite hiatus.

[formerninja]

[Wait a minute, a talking turtle?

This gets a strange look from Dave.]

So...any reason why you look like a turtle now?

[polyturtle]

[HI.]

Because I am a turtle.

[formerninja]

Riiiiiight. So you're a turtle that somehow talks. And is a ninja.

[polyturtle]

Pretty much.

[formerninja]

[...Well, what the hell. According to Dan, there's been stranger things out here. He'll ask about the whole "being a turtle" thing later.]

Anything you do besides be a ninja?