Voice testing, thinking about apping to MoM...

[charliework]

Mun? There's, well, frankly there's something you're not getting, so, um, let me lay it on the line for you.

I'm not going anywhere without the waitress. Okay? I am so serious, I am-- I'm dead serious. You are stupid if you think I'm giving up on her just for some dumb superpowers.

I don't even wanna hear what superpowers you'd give me. That's how serious I am.

[A long pause.]

Okay, well let me just hear 'em! Jeez. Just tell me what they are. So I can just decide--

...

Rats? I can control rats? Dude, that's fuckin' awesome, man! I could make them do my bidding-- a whole army of rats! Holy sh-- [Pressing his hands to his face.]

No.

No, I can't leave the waitress. She needs me! [Paces back and forth for a bit.] AAAAGH. I need-- I need-- I need--

I need to think, okay?

Comments

[acharmingsmile]

Say... are you quite alright there, young man? [Gilderoy forces himself to smile at the poor fellow who seems in such a state.]

[charliework]

No! No, I am up here with this. I am up here! [Holding up a hand in the air as high as he can to demonstrate just how far up there he is.]

[acharmingsmile]

Oh my goodness! Would- would you like a handkerchief? [Because that'll help, won't it? Gilderoy at least tries to keep that big smile on as he offers him a decidedly frilly, lilac handkerchief.

This has to be the most unwashed Muggle he's ever come across.]

[charliework]

[Approach at your own peril-- he smells like cat food, paint, and beer.

He stands still for a moment, winding down a little from his tantrum.] Yeah, thanks. [Takes the handkerchief and blows his nose loudly, then wipes his face. (Yes, in that order.) Now he's handing it back to Gilderoy.]

[acharmingsmile]

Now why don't you keep that? I just love helping the less fortunate, you know. [Gilderoy smiles fondly, despite wanting to flee. That smell is just incredibly bad and overpowers his plentifully applied cologne entirely!]

I'm ever so sorry you're having such a difficult time, my dear fellow. You do look quite, ah, worse for wear, don't you? [The poor thing! Lockhart is usually all kinds of selfish but this is just awfully awfully sad.]

[charliework]

[Examining the handkerchief, half-listening to Gilderoy.] Yeah. Yeah.

You know... this tissue... [Looks at him like he's about to say something unpleasant but necessary.] Well, it's kinda gay. Now, I-- I got nothing against gays, and I appreciate the thought, I do. I just thought you should be aware, it's a little... homo.

[acharmingsmile]

I'm afraid I don't understand... would you have preferred a less colorful handkerc- [Oh dear, it appears this young man doesn't mean the happy kind of gay!

Gilderoy looks absolutely baffled for a moment, before chuckling nervously.] Come now, did you really think such a thing of a strapping fellow such as myself?

I have a great many female fans.

[charliework]

Well, no, man, I-- I'm perfectly willing to believe you're a heterosexual. I just think you could maybe be sending, you know, different signals is all. Like maybe, for example, tone it down with the lacy handkerchiefs.

[acharmingsmile]

But it matches my robes perfectly, don't you think? [Gilderoy, whose sexuality could be anyone's guess, is lockhartsexual a thing?, happens to be wearing lilac robes as well.]

Surely it's important to match from head to toe, wouldn't you agree? You'd look just charming in emerald green or salmon pink.

[charliework]

[Well Charlie is waitress-sexual, so that makes two of them with unique orientations.]

Yeah, man, see, right there, those words? Words like "salmon". That makes you sound... you know. I'd advise you to stay away from fancy frilly words like that, personally. [Holding up his hands.] Just my two cents. It's a free country.

Terribly sorry for the lateness!

[acharmingsmile]

Never you mind that, my dear boy! I am utterly confident in my masculinity. [Gilderoy winks at him, before patting his shoulder.]

Now, what were you so awfully upset about earlier?

Gah I'm sorry as well!

[charliework]

[Watches Gilderoy's hand carefully, flinching slightly but allowing the pat.]

I was just... she's making me choose, man! It's this fucked-up crazy ultimatum thing! She's saying it's superpowers or the waitress.

<3

[acharmingsmile]

Well... what are these superpowers? [Gilderoy is only in love with himself, though he wouldn't care for certain powers such as invisibility. Why spend this long on your hair for nothing?]

And does this waitress fancy you back?

[aggressiveapathy]

That's not ever a real job.

[charliework]

IT IS TOO A REAL JOB! [Sorry April-- he's "up here" right now.]

Being a waitress is a totally legitimate job and I don't wanna hit a girl but if you keep trash talking the waitress I'm not gonna have a choice. Okay?!

[aggressiveapathy]

Oh my god. You don't even know her name.

[charliework]

That is false, I absolutely, completely know her name! I can't even believe you'd say I don't know her name!

I'm just... protecting her... from people like you, because that's what I do. I protect her.

[aggressiveapathy]

I will give you one million billion dollars if you tell me her initials right now.

[charliework]

[Takes a very deep breath to stall until he has a very important realization.]

Um, yeah, you don't have a million billion dollars.

[aggressiveapathy]

I'm a super-person. Why would I lie.

[charliework]

A super person, huh? Well... what are your powers, then?

[aggressiveapathy]

I asked first.

[charliework]

[Opens his mouth and closes it a couple times, obviously getting agitated.] You can't just turn it around on me like that!

Anyway I wouldn't sell out the waitress, not even for a million bajillion dollars or whatever.

[aggressiveapathy]

Uh-yeah. I asked first. That's the rules.

[ Someone trying to out childish her? Never. Not allowed ]

Fine. Whatever. You have true, pure love that has gotten action zero times. Like every other hero ever.

[charliework]

The rules, huh? Well guess what, missy, I've got the law behind me. I'm great at lawyering and I'll sue the pants off you if you try anything funny.

I DO SO GET ACTION. I GET TONS OF ACTION LIKE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE.

[aggressiveapathy]

Oh, wow. I'm so scared I just fainted in my nightie. Rat-screwing doesn't count.

[charliework]

[More desperately angry blubbering, before:] I DO NOT SCREW RATS! You are treading VERY CLOSE to the LINE and if you CROSS the LINE you will NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT IT! NOT HAPPY!!!