X-Posted at Dear Player

[not100percentadick]

You really gotta stop harping on the username thing. I've seen where that obsessive path leads and it ain't pretty. A woman named Joan Crawford, also codenamed Mommy Dearest ended up going batty and-

[...]

Oh, you've seen that movie? ... I would apologize, but I'm too damn thrilled that someone finally speaks my language.

Hey, seriously though. I am totally one hundred percent satisfied with this username and you should be too. That was one of my finest quotes, if I do say so myself. And it's true. I am at most ninety-three percent a dick.

Comments

[wearebetter]

We wonder, what makes up the other seven percent?

[not100percentadick]

A little bit of this, a little bit of that, but pretty much the opposite of being a dick. I thought that was pretty clear.

But more importantly, what's with the "we" thing?

[wearebetter]

We are a single whole composed of two sides, one human and the other not, our bodies and minds merged together as one.

[not100percentadick]

... So like Norman Bates and his crazy mom?

[wearebetter]

Careful now. We like a good joke as much as the next guy, but we must admit we have a temper.

[not100percentadick]

I think I've run into guys with worse tempers. I don't usually get a warning before someone tries to kick my ass.

You should be proud of that.

[wearebetter]

Oh yes, we are. Can't forget our manners, now can we?

[lavieanomaly]

Ninety three is still hitting the A-range in dickery grades. Just a little more consideration and you might get it down to a B plus.

[not100percentadick]

That's definitely not untrue.

On a good day I can bring it down to aboooout.. seventy-six percent? But hey, at least I'm honest. Do I get extra credit for a recent, somewhat more altruistic career change?

[lavieanomaly]

Reverse extra-credit, with aiming for the low score and all. But it depends on how strong of a 'somewhat' we're working with.

[not100percentadick]

Well, not to brag but I went from being a thief to saving an entire planet. I mean, I had help, but that was definitely one of those good days I was talking about.

[lavieanomaly]

Yikes, that's flat-out failing grade of dickishness. Unless there was still some kind of payment involved, then we're back to the D-range.

[not100percentadick]

There almost was?

... Okay, I wanted to sell the planet destroying orb at first. But then I didn't! [Eh? Eh? Good, right?]

[lavieanomaly]

[ ...and these are the heroes of that universe ]

You might wanna stick with just the outline on this story if you're looking for a gold star. But, really, the final exam is what now? Back to smuggling world destroying jewelry for fun and not-quiet-profit?

[not100percentadick]

[Don't you feel safer already?]

Like I said, I'm honest... well, when it counts. But I think my smuggling habits will exclude any and all destructive artifacts. If I smuggle at all, that is. It's not often you get your criminal record expunged, you know?

[lavieanomaly]

I know. Last time I got a record wiped, it took changing dimensions of reality. There's nothing like a second chance, it takes a one hundred percent dickhead to mess that up.

[not100percentadick]

... That is a seriously long way to go for a clean slate. Aren't you like twelve or something? I mean, not to say there's an age limit on intense life experiences, but you seem kind of young to be needing a second chance already. You've barely had enough time to screw up your first chance.

[lavieanomaly]

My first chance was pretty rediculously amazing, actually. Outside of a few small details.

[ Like her brother being a Neo-Nazi that tried to kill her. Those kind of details. ]

We don't always get to pick when the universe hits the restart button. So, you know, what I'm saying is don't mess it up. Tiny dick.

hover for translation

[i_am_groot]

I AM GROOT!

8D GROOT

[not100percentadick]

Thanks, man.

I'm assuming by the tone and cadence of your catchphrase that it was positive in some, you know, Treebeard way.

Re: 8D GROOT

[i_am_groot]

I AM GROOT?