Miss Pauling - Team Fortress 2

[onedayoff]

Hello? Hello?

I'm not actually sure how you got this connection, but I should advise you that doing so violates company policy 123-b subsection Gamma (not to mention several shadow Federal Government bylaws), and according to standard operating procedure thereby necessitates a quick and quiet termination.

Of your life.

By killing you.

Actually, come to think of it, that's pretty much our procedure for every violation of company policy. Which you can't know. Because you'll be dead.

So, if you could do me a really big favor and stop posting as me on some online community and wait by your door for the very large Russian man with the machine gun, that would be appreciated.

Oh, and try not to bleed too much? It really makes cleanup a lot harder. Thanks again!

Comments

[science_project]

[Have Alex just giving you this look FOREVER]

[notintehkitchen]

[Pyro gives you a KANYE SHRUG.

Company policy rulebook? She's pretty sure she burned that ages ago...]

[onedayoff]

Oh, um, hi there. You didn't see anything.

[She's got enough work to last her a lifetime already cleaning up after her mercs, and she's pretty sure transdimensional silencing of witnesses is not in her contract…or feasible]

[onedayoff]

Yes. I know none of you bothered to read it, but we do have one for a reason. Granted, that reason is mostly justifying killing people who prove to be an annoyance, or inconvenient, or in the way, or late with delivery, but it's still a reason.

[hasstandards]

Think you're askin' a bit much, don't you?

[science_project]

Yes, I did! And I heard everything you said, too! You can't go around killing people!

[onedayoff]

Sure I can. I just need to fill out the right paperwork.

[onedayoff]

Well, I mean, having someone on their laptop in my head is a little bit of a security breach don't you think? Besides, I have faith in you guys, killing's what you're best at…by a fair margin.

[hasstandards]

Oi, I'm good at other things too.

[notintehkitchen]

[Maybe some of them can't read. Pyro wonders sometimes.

She contemplates actually taking her mask off to talk but she's a little worried over what the rules were regarding working with RED due to being woman.]

[ed_emylove]

Chirp chirp beep?

cutest pauling icons omg.

[voluptuous]

A very large Russian man with a machine gun? Exciting.

[onedayoff]

[She knows for a fact some of them can't. It was probably what got them hired, given after combat ability, willingness to not ask questions was the next highest item on their, 'desirable employee job skills' list.]

If you need to take off your mask to talk Pyro, it's alright. This connection is as secure as they come. Unless you can't take off your mask. Can you take off your mask?

[onedayoff]

Oh, I never said you guys weren't good at anything else, just killing's sort of the most notable…and reliable…and useful of your skill set.

Actually, I'm not sure I entirely want to know what else you guys are good at. Especially Soldier.

[onedayoff]

Uh, hello there.

[Don't mind her, she's just taking cover. Bad experiences with robots recently]

Are you one of Engineers? Actually, I don't think that would make me feel safer...

Thank you, they're by Thropa on Tumblr

[onedayoff]

I wouldn't get your hopes up too high. Don't get me wrong, he's actually a really sweet guy off hours, only I'm pretty sure he's married to his machine gun…or the Doctor…and I don't want to think about the sandwich.

So actually, I guess if you have some extra large pieces of rye laying around, go for it.

[hasstandards]

Let's just say most of his hobbies include either blowin' things up, or gettin' blown up himself. Either way, he gets new body parts to collect like stamps.

just watched Expiration Date like ten minutes ago, muse still rebooting with update

[boinkboinkbonk]

[Whoop okay play it cool play it cool]

Miss Pauling! Fancy meetin' you here.

[ironcurtain]

Machine gun is not exactly wrong, but Sasha and I prefer term "minigun" or "gatling gun". Is more accurate.

[onedayoff]

Yes, well then. Just one more reason to be happy the Medic provides all you "health care" I suppose.

[Yes she did air quote there, because like hell the company actually pays them much in the way of benefits.}

[hasstandards]

Right. About him.

You know he's constantly tryin' to put more stuff in us, right? Or open us up just to 'take a look.'

[science_project]

[It's like talking to a Danielle Atron on steroids and with less restraint]

Paperwork?! You're joking, right?

1/2

[notintehkitchen]

[Is it really?

She pokes her pointer fingers together as she gives it some thought.

It's not that she CAN'T take off the mask, it's not glued to her. Still...]

Mmmnph.

[She decides because it's Miss Pauling it wouldn't be bad. Miss Pauling is a superior. Isn't a superior allowed to know?]

2/2

[notintehkitchen]

[Removing the mask, she shakes her hair a bit and then takes in a few deep breaths.]

Aaaaaah! Um. Hello there!

[hiallmybuddies]

[Why look, a spy! Well, not Pauling's Spy. Or an earth spy. Jupiter spy though, that's more accurate.

If this was a spy. Because this is clearly RED Soldier. And no one else. Nope.]

Hi buddy! Say, the murder thing sounds superity duper, but I just wondering if I could hear more about that whole company policy stuff. Also, just spitballing here, give me all your secrets. Just a thought.

[Totally RED Soldier.]

[shhhhh_secret]

I'm afraid harming zese muns are completely impossible. They are impervious to harm in zee same way all zee wooden structures at our bases never seem to burn down no matter how much zee Pyros try.

(Beat.)

But eef you want a body to be quickly and quietly disposed of, I do believe zat I would be zee better candidate.

[not_onyourside]

Do let me know eef asking your Mundane for anyzzing works.