[ Handwave. ] No, you just get gross-out goo hair and a bunch of pervy people leering over you in your underwear. It's basically a Friday night party at Lenny Driscoll's, but creepier, I guess.
She only has a helmet because she's underwater. She's not a real astronaut.
[ Santana's first concern is her makeup supply, Brittany's first concern is a helmet. They make a very healthy pair. ]
It's got a lot of the same bullshit like home. Except less malls and more boring. You'd think space would be more interesting, but you have to make your own food.
[ oh bb the words that come out of yo mouth ] She's also friends with a retarded starfish. I wouldn't get too enamored with her conquests.
[ But now she's trying to do that FEELINGS talk thing and only a little bit but it's still feelings. Santana's arms cross and she wrinkles her nose. ] Yeah? And you aren't, so what gives?
[ everything britbrit ever needed to know about science, she learned watching nickelodeon. this explains her science grades nicely. (a drawing of ren and stimpy is not ever an acceptable answer, who knew.) ] I like Patrick. He has hidden secrets.
[ it's not feelings it's FACTS. santana is the most exciting person brit knows, ergo space with santana can't be boring. ] I tried closing my eyes and wishing hard, but I stayed on earth. I think I need the magic words first.
[ At least she's failing for a good reason. And an adorable one. Unlike Santana who just really cannot be fucked to care enough. ] I know you do. Just as long as you don't try to leave the house dressed like him. You know how that went last time.
[ And Brittany is the one redeeming feature on the entire Steve Buscemi of a face of humanity, but she's still not here and it doesn't make what she's saying any less -- sad or whatever. ] It's not a magic spell kind of deal, Brittany. You didn't see me doing any voodoo crap, right? They just take whoever they want.
You'd probably like space too. [ She rubs her nose - NONCHALANTLY, WHATEVER, SHE DOESN'T MISS HER ] Except more if there were even stupid windows.
[ yeah, but they're going to be superheros or rockstars or maybe dinosaurs in love, brittany hasn't decided which one yet. none of those need science. ] ...that guy ran into the pole because of my Patrick costume? I thought he saw a bunny.
[ NEW KNOWLEDGE. and oh god why are you making brittany so sad rn. ] People who want you always want me, too. Because we're hotter together and because men like breadsticks and girl on girl more than football. [ so she remembers life advice from santana but not anything from school. good life choices, here. ]
I like places you are. [ that would be gross and sappy if brit didn't move right on like she just said 'all fish are goldfish' or 'trees breathe, do you can't step on leaves because it's like crushing their little lungs'. you know: general facts everyone knows. ] Are there doors?
[ Or maybe superhero dinosaurs in love. Santana isn't going to give it too much thought; she can only focus on one life goal at a time right now. ] Yeah, he probably thought he saw a bunny too.
Exactly. [ She ain't gonna knock it; Brittany learns her logic very well. And it's awesome logic. ] Though I guess there's probably breadsticks here. Not from Breadstix but still something bread-y. But there's not even any TVs here, so what gives? They're missing out on something awesome. [ Like Santana's better half. ]
[ She opens and shuts her mouth and doesn't even really have the energy to come up with a snarky enough remark back to that, because it's that sweet and she just says it like it is. She doesn't even have to try. ] Yeah. There's a bunch of doors. They slide open and make 'whoosh' noises like the ones you totally dig at the supermarket.
[ this is why santana is the best girlfriend: she has the best idea. ] I thought I saw one once, but it was just a plastic bag. I took it home anyway.
I'll bring Breadstix instead of the helmet. [ not that a helmet wouldn't be cool, but she knows how much her girl needs her stix. ] Do you they'd let me bring a wheelbarrow in space?
[ SUCCESS VIA SHEER OBLIVIOUSNESS. ] Can I pretend to be like the guy in the movie?
[ Plz excuse what different bunnies they are probably discussing here. ] Did you ever throw that out like I told you to anyway?
Ungh -- [ The sound she makes in sweet, sweet remembrance of her beloved stix is nearly orgasmic. ] Yes, please. I don't think a wheelbarrow would fit in your locker. But I bet a lot could fit in that locker, at least.
[ LOOK CAN'T A HOT BLONDE WANDER AROUND TOPLESS IN BOARD SHORTS ANYMORE WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO. ] I'm still waiting to make sure it isn't going to be a bunny someday. I feed it carrots just in case.
[ oh hey, it's that noise! brit loves that noise. ] I'll bring as many Breadstix as I can hold in my shirt.
[ d u h that movie. ] The one about the guy who can open doors. [ she means x-men. and magneto. because his brit-assumed ability to open doors that go whoosh: all she got out of that movie, other than 'i want to be blue someday' and 'wow those guys are actually dating, not just having sex dating'. ]
[ I know, it's a sad, sad place and they are way too awesome to be living in such repressed times as these, it really is tragic. Also Santana should really be more perturbed about this whole feeding a plastic bag carrots thing, but she just takes this shit in stride by now. She's done worse things. ] Lord Tubbington's gonna get jealous, you know.
[ And Santana loves this idea, okay, eyebrow waggle is nigh. ] Only if those are the ones I get to take. [ She's pretty much the only person in the world who would think a girl with bread shoved down her shirt is a hot thing. ]
[ s t i l l thinking very carefully um. Mostly about whatever movies they've seen where Brittany just talked about doors a lot after. ] Monster's Inc.? [ first, and then, ] wait, oh. Ian McKellen being that weird mutant dude. Yeah, I guess it's kind of like that.
[ it would be really cruel to tell the maybe-bunny brittany doesn't think it has any bunny in it anymore. she just has to keep waiting and hoping and feeding it carrots, and one day it will be a bunny. like the book about the train with the face. ] He tried to claw the bunny's face off, and I took away his cookie privileges for an hour. Lord Tubbington acts out his feelings through violence.
[ then sometimes she says things like that. ] I'll do the Breadstix dance for you. [ so mostly she'll take off her shirt while kanye plays, because sometimes in her head brittany pretends they're cats and sometimes santana wants breadstix in bed. everyone has their kinks, no hate. love all the people, she always said. ]
No, that's the one about the dog toy who needs a hug, not doors. [ so to recap: monsters inc is not about doors, but x-men is. ] I loved that movie.
[ Yeah, Santana's not really in the market of crushing any of Brittany's weird-ass dreams. If it means she's gotta clear some moldy carrots out of her room every once in a while, that's okay. ] Too much sugar makes little kids go apeshit. I thought he was on a diet. [ Unless that was the diet. ]
[ The Breadstix dance is just reason number four hundred billion why Brittany Pierce is a pretty perfect human being. Santana grins again, but it's something actually genuine this time, at the mental image. ] And then we can order pizza in and watch Ratatouille, alright? Deal.
[ Okay, the movie with all the doors in it isn't the movie about doors. Got it. ] It wasn't bad. [ Rebecca Romijn might have been blue in it but she was pretty completely naked. ] I'm pretty sure that guy opened them with his superpowers, though, hun.
[ brittany's body keeps breathing at night after her brain leaves on vacation. (that's what happens every night, obviously. and you dream about where it goes.) if that can happen, why can't a bag become a bunny? stranger things have happened. ] I started him on Diet Mountain Dew but he threatened to run away so I stopped. [ that may or may not have anything to do with his lordship's diet. ]
[ after the breadstix dance santana tastes all salty when they kiss, like licking a beach rock. (not like licking a rock found in the dirt, this is a lesson learned.) those aren't brittany's favorite kisses-- those are cherry slushy kisses, natch-- but they're up there. so santana gets breadstix and brittany gets her salt kisses after: win/win. ] We're an awesome couple. [ she sighs happily. ] Way better than Finn and Rachel.
[ exactly. ] Would you still like me if I was blue? I could make myself look like that hot dentist sometimes. [ she wasn't naked, she was covered in blue. totally different. ] That's what I said.
[ ...Keep holding out hope, hun. Santana almost wants to offer to set up a camera to watch it at night just to prove it wrong, but she has bigger fish to fry. ] Duh. The diet stuff tastes like ass. Gotta start smaller than that. Like sneaking Splenda into his coffee instead of sugar. You know.
[ Or at least this was hot until she mentioned Rachel Berry and some oversized infant in desperate need of a training bra. Santana props up her chin on a hand and looks initially proud, and then like she's in need of one of those barf bags they hand out on planes. ] Ew. Was there every a question? Both parts of this are hot. Berry's got nice hair when she doesn't pleat it all Little House on the Prairie style. That's all they've got going for them. [ She reaches out and taps a finger against Brittany's nose. ] Wasn't even a question.
Besides, I don't want you to look like that hot dentist. [ Whatever his name was. He got less hot when he was not-boning Ms. Pillsbury. ] I want you to look like you. Blue or not. But I guess you could turn into Scarlett Johansson every once in a while.
[ it's an invisible vacation, duh. that's why there's the dancing watermelons. ] I could use margarine instead of butter to make his deep fried snacks.
[ over the years, brittany has learned santana gets a particular kick out of watching her be bitchy. and it's just easy on those two, t b q h. ] Rachel keeps talking about how if we were on tv they would be the lead couple, but Finn dances like a zombie. You lead better than Finn does. [ her eyes cross a little trying to look at that finger, but her smile's no less bright for it. ] If we were on tv we'd be my favorite couple.
I'd rather be me and you instead, too. [ her smile goes blinding now because hearing santana say she doesn't want boys or girls or anything but brittany still makes her chest feel tight and like there are pennies rattling around inside, making cool noises like they do in the dryer. ] But sometimes Scarlett Johansson and me and you could be okay.
[ The... the plastic bag thing, not the watermelons. ] And switch his fat ass to some of those better snacks we talked about instead of all the fatty crap. Like Rice Krispie treats instead of brownie sundaes.
[ It's kind of funny, coming out of her. She just says everything so factually and it's not like anything she says is fabrication. People expect Santana to be a bitch and that's okay, but when Brittany says it, it's out of left field and that much better. ] That's because my limbs weren't invented in a laboratory, out of the leftovers of a mutated giant baby's. That's not hard to do. [ Santana smiles smugly, albeit a bit nervously at the thought of what Brittany's saying, and brushes a lock of her own hair behind her ear. ] Two hot bitches in charge. What more could people ask for?
[ That smile's intoxicating. Santana could do hard drugs and she wouldn't be as addicted to coke as she would be Brittany's smiles. They make her stomach constrict and her head go a little dizzy. She's not sure how long that's been happening. ] Only to mix it up a little. Mostly I just want you, though. I mean, if I wanted Scarlett, I'd go get Scarlett. [ Her voice goes a little sing-song. ] But she's missing out~
[ you can't prove or disprove bunnies, okay. everyone knows that. ] He doesn't like the Rice Krispies, he says they look like little bugs.
[ sometimes finn looks like he's going to eat artie's brains, but then he's just tripping over him. brittany is keeping close watch because nobody expects the zombie apocalypse except her. ] One time I thought he got the steps right, but he said was just jumping up and down to stay awake. [ if people could see how santana is the only person in the world who never treats brittany like she's stupid or how her mouth looks when she's laughing at movies or how her hair feels like petting a really soft animal, they wouldn't make santana afraid of being brittana instead of by herself. but showing them all would take way too long, so she just tries to show santana by herself instead. ] Sometimes I want you and some nachos.
[ brittany's just always loved santana: she was the prettiest and the smartest and she never let anyone else sit by her in class, just brittany. she just never figured out they could remove boys from being in love until everyone else found out and started chiming in about it. ] Her ladykisses wouldn't be as good as yours. [ because in her vast experince, santana > everyone else, kissing-wise. ] Being blue would still be cool though.
And they taste like if someone dropped rice cakes in a pile of gross, so he has good taste. Do they sell kitty treadmills?
We've been over this before. If Finn gets the steps right, it's just because he's doing it on accident, right? [ It's nice that somebody takes her shit in stride, at least. Santana just told it like it was. Everyone else just beat around the bush and bullshitted their way trying to sugarcoat the world for everyone. She never got it. It's not like it made anything easier. She reaches out and strokes Brittany's hair, pauses, and then frowns. ] You're not thinking about the zombie apocalypse again, are you?
[ Well, other than the nachos. She really wanted nachos now. ]
[ Brittany's the only person in the world who can make her really flush like that. It's not really familiar to her. Being raised by her abuela, the best she got was being tolerable or being cuffed upside the head. That was if she was noticed at all. Brittany sees her, really sees her, and she treats her like a human being. It's such a simple and perfect thing and Santana doesn't know how to react to it sometimes. She's stress relief. She's a punching bag. She's a sex toy. ]
That's because she's been practicing on Sean Penn, and he's old and wrinkles make your kisses less interesting. And I've had tons of practice, so I'm like a queen of it now.
Right. And it's not mean as long as I just trip Rachel. [ people are generally, to brittany's mind, way too complicated. people say one thing and they mean something else, and they get frustrated when she doesn't hear the other things. santana just explains things instead. she leans into the touch, but wrinkles her nose and nods. ] Finn is going to start with Artie.
[ and artie shouldn't get his brains eaten. his brains: not nachos.
they're going to hold hands in public one day, even if they have to do it as dinosaurs. santana takes care of brittany in every other way, on this one she can be the smart one. ]
I'll still like your kisses when you smell like old people. [ especially if santana smells like old people who smell like peppermint. it's what happens sometimes, old people turn into bags of candy and then the other old people buy the candy. that's why it's called the circle of life. ]
People buy tons of the craziest crap for their pets. [ It's small things like that, it's things that make everyone else roll their eyes and mutter under their breaths - Brittany's an idiot, Brittany doesn't know what she's talking about. It's these little ideas that sound stupid out loud but are potentially fantastic in practice. People could make a killing on pet-sized treadmills. Some of her ideas are brilliant, and nobody gives her credit for it. ]
And it's not mean - [ and she grins and touches her forehead to Brittany's for a moment - ] because hobbits feet are so big anyway. [ The Artie thing gets a handwave as she straightens. ] Besides, his zombie arms would probably break off anyway. And Finn'll trip over his Frankenlimbs and we'll be safe and sound somewhere. Zombie apocalypse plans sorted.
[ She's sweet. She's so sweet. And Santana hates it a little that that's the thing that makes her draw back in the slightest, her eyes glance around for a moment as if someone's going to catch them. She can't get comfortable with how much she loves the smell of Brittany's stupid Toy Story no-tear shampoo, or how soft her hands are, or how much she likes when their fingers are linked together, even when Brittany's got those pen stains on the tips of her fingers when she tries to smudge out a mess-up on a paper. ]
[ So long as everyone else cares, Santana cares. And she really, honest to God himself, wishes that she didn't have to. ] You don't know if you'll like me still when we're old people. [ She doesn't want to have this conversation, and she's immediately subject jumping, nose wrinkling. ] Gross, I'd have to have all those crow's feet. At least my boobs aren't gonna sag to my navel. Mi abuela looks fierce as hell, but she needs a better bra. F'realz.
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[ Handwave. ] No, you just get gross-out goo hair and a bunch of pervy people leering over you in your underwear. It's basically a Friday night party at Lenny Driscoll's, but creepier, I guess.
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[ IN CASE THAT WASN'T YET CLEAR. ] ...That doesn't sound like space, that sounds like home. Does that mean I don't get a helmet?
[ that is kind of disappointing t b h. ]
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[ Santana's first concern is her makeup supply, Brittany's first concern is a helmet. They make a very healthy pair. ]
It's got a lot of the same bullshit like home. Except less malls and more boring. You'd think space would be more interesting, but you have to make your own food.
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[ clearly they were MADE for space travel. ]
But you're there. [ so it can't be that boring. ]
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[ But now she's trying to do that FEELINGS talk thing and only a little bit but it's still feelings. Santana's arms cross and she wrinkles her nose. ] Yeah? And you aren't, so what gives?
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[ it's not feelings it's FACTS. santana is the most exciting person brit knows, ergo space with santana can't be boring. ] I tried closing my eyes and wishing hard, but I stayed on earth. I think I need the magic words first.
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[ And Brittany is the one redeeming feature on the entire Steve Buscemi of a face of humanity, but she's still not here and it doesn't make what she's saying any less -- sad or whatever. ] It's not a magic spell kind of deal, Brittany. You didn't see me doing any voodoo crap, right? They just take whoever they want.
You'd probably like space too. [ She rubs her nose - NONCHALANTLY, WHATEVER, SHE DOESN'T MISS HER ] Except more if there were even stupid windows.
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[ NEW KNOWLEDGE. and oh god why are you making brittany so sad rn. ] People who want you always want me, too. Because we're hotter together and because men like breadsticks and girl on girl more than football. [ so she remembers life advice from santana but not anything from school. good life choices, here. ]
I like places you are. [ that would be gross and sappy if brit didn't move right on like she just said 'all fish are goldfish' or 'trees breathe, do you can't step on leaves because it's like crushing their little lungs'. you know: general facts everyone knows. ] Are there doors?
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Exactly. [ She ain't gonna knock it; Brittany learns her logic very well. And it's awesome logic. ] Though I guess there's probably breadsticks here. Not from Breadstix but still something bread-y. But there's not even any TVs here, so what gives? They're missing out on something awesome. [ Like Santana's better half. ]
[ She opens and shuts her mouth and doesn't even really have the energy to come up with a snarky enough remark back to that, because it's that sweet and she just says it like it is. She doesn't even have to try. ] Yeah. There's a bunch of doors. They slide open and make 'whoosh' noises like the ones you totally dig at the supermarket.
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I'll bring Breadstix instead of the helmet. [ not that a helmet wouldn't be cool, but she knows how much her girl needs her stix. ] Do you they'd let me bring a wheelbarrow in space?
[ SUCCESS VIA SHEER OBLIVIOUSNESS. ] Can I pretend to be like the guy in the movie?
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Ungh -- [ The sound she makes in sweet, sweet remembrance of her beloved stix is nearly orgasmic. ] Yes, please. I don't think a wheelbarrow would fit in your locker. But I bet a lot could fit in that locker, at least.
[ Beat. ] The supermarket movie? What movie?
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[ oh hey, it's that noise! brit loves that noise. ] I'll bring as many Breadstix as I can hold in my shirt.
[ d u h that movie. ] The one about the guy who can open doors. [ she means x-men. and magneto. because his brit-assumed ability to open doors that go whoosh: all she got out of that movie, other than 'i want to be blue someday' and 'wow those guys are actually dating, not just having sex dating'. ]
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[ And Santana loves this idea, okay, eyebrow waggle is nigh. ] Only if those are the ones I get to take. [ She's pretty much the only person in the world who would think a girl with bread shoved down her shirt is a hot thing. ]
[ s t i l l thinking very carefully um. Mostly about whatever movies they've seen where Brittany just talked about doors a lot after. ] Monster's Inc.? [ first, and then, ] wait, oh. Ian McKellen being that weird mutant dude. Yeah, I guess it's kind of like that.
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[ then sometimes she says things like that. ] I'll do the Breadstix dance for you. [ so mostly she'll take off her shirt while kanye plays, because sometimes in her head brittany pretends they're cats and sometimes santana wants breadstix in bed. everyone has their kinks, no hate. love all the people, she always said. ]
No, that's the one about the dog toy who needs a hug, not doors. [ so to recap: monsters inc is not about doors, but x-men is. ] I loved that movie.
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[ The Breadstix dance is just reason number four hundred billion why Brittany Pierce is a pretty perfect human being. Santana grins again, but it's something actually genuine this time, at the mental image. ] And then we can order pizza in and watch Ratatouille, alright? Deal.
[ Okay, the movie with all the doors in it isn't the movie about doors. Got it. ] It wasn't bad. [ Rebecca Romijn might have been blue in it but she was pretty completely naked. ] I'm pretty sure that guy opened them with his superpowers, though, hun.
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[ after the breadstix dance santana tastes all salty when they kiss, like licking a beach rock. (not like licking a rock found in the dirt, this is a lesson learned.) those aren't brittany's favorite kisses-- those are cherry slushy kisses, natch-- but they're up there. so santana gets breadstix and brittany gets her salt kisses after: win/win. ] We're an awesome couple. [ she sighs happily. ] Way better than Finn and Rachel.
[ exactly. ] Would you still like me if I was blue? I could make myself look like that hot dentist sometimes. [ she wasn't naked, she was covered in blue. totally different. ] That's what I said.
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[ Or at least this was hot until she mentioned Rachel Berry and some oversized infant in desperate need of a training bra. Santana props up her chin on a hand and looks initially proud, and then like she's in need of one of those barf bags they hand out on planes. ] Ew. Was there every a question? Both parts of this are hot. Berry's got nice hair when she doesn't pleat it all Little House on the Prairie style. That's all they've got going for them. [ She reaches out and taps a finger against Brittany's nose. ] Wasn't even a question.
Besides, I don't want you to look like that hot dentist. [ Whatever his name was. He got less hot when he was not-boning Ms. Pillsbury. ] I want you to look like you. Blue or not. But I guess you could turn into Scarlett Johansson every once in a while.
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[ over the years, brittany has learned santana gets a particular kick out of watching her be bitchy. and it's just easy on those two, t b q h. ] Rachel keeps talking about how if we were on tv they would be the lead couple, but Finn dances like a zombie. You lead better than Finn does. [ her eyes cross a little trying to look at that finger, but her smile's no less bright for it. ] If we were on tv we'd be my favorite couple.
I'd rather be me and you instead, too. [ her smile goes blinding now because hearing santana say she doesn't want boys or girls or anything but brittany still makes her chest feel tight and like there are pennies rattling around inside, making cool noises like they do in the dryer. ] But sometimes Scarlett Johansson and me and you could be okay.
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[ It's kind of funny, coming out of her. She just says everything so factually and it's not like anything she says is fabrication. People expect Santana to be a bitch and that's okay, but when Brittany says it, it's out of left field and that much better. ] That's because my limbs weren't invented in a laboratory, out of the leftovers of a mutated giant baby's. That's not hard to do. [ Santana smiles smugly, albeit a bit nervously at the thought of what Brittany's saying, and brushes a lock of her own hair behind her ear. ] Two hot bitches in charge. What more could people ask for?
[ That smile's intoxicating. Santana could do hard drugs and she wouldn't be as addicted to coke as she would be Brittany's smiles. They make her stomach constrict and her head go a little dizzy. She's not sure how long that's been happening. ] Only to mix it up a little. Mostly I just want you, though. I mean, if I wanted Scarlett, I'd go get Scarlett. [ Her voice goes a little sing-song. ] But she's missing out~
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[ sometimes finn looks like he's going to eat artie's brains, but then he's just tripping over him. brittany is keeping close watch because nobody expects the zombie apocalypse except her. ] One time I thought he got the steps right, but he said was just jumping up and down to stay awake. [ if people could see how santana is the only person in the world who never treats brittany like she's stupid or how her mouth looks when she's laughing at movies or how her hair feels like petting a really soft animal, they wouldn't make santana afraid of being brittana instead of by herself. but showing them all would take way too long, so she just tries to show santana by herself instead. ] Sometimes I want you and some nachos.
[ brittany's just always loved santana: she was the prettiest and the smartest and she never let anyone else sit by her in class, just brittany. she just never figured out they could remove boys from being in love until everyone else found out and started chiming in about it. ] Her ladykisses wouldn't be as good as yours. [ because in her vast experince, santana > everyone else, kissing-wise. ] Being blue would still be cool though.
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We've been over this before. If Finn gets the steps right, it's just because he's doing it on accident, right? [ It's nice that somebody takes her shit in stride, at least. Santana just told it like it was. Everyone else just beat around the bush and bullshitted their way trying to sugarcoat the world for everyone. She never got it. It's not like it made anything easier. She reaches out and strokes Brittany's hair, pauses, and then frowns. ] You're not thinking about the zombie apocalypse again, are you?
[ Well, other than the nachos. She really wanted nachos now. ]
[ Brittany's the only person in the world who can make her really flush like that. It's not really familiar to her. Being raised by her abuela, the best she got was being tolerable or being cuffed upside the head. That was if she was noticed at all. Brittany sees her, really sees her, and she treats her like a human being. It's such a simple and perfect thing and Santana doesn't know how to react to it sometimes. She's stress relief. She's a punching bag. She's a sex toy. ]
That's because she's been practicing on Sean Penn, and he's old and wrinkles make your kisses less interesting. And I've had tons of practice, so I'm like a queen of it now.
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Right. And it's not mean as long as I just trip Rachel. [ people are generally, to brittany's mind, way too complicated. people say one thing and they mean something else, and they get frustrated when she doesn't hear the other things. santana just explains things instead. she leans into the touch, but wrinkles her nose and nods. ] Finn is going to start with Artie.
[ and artie shouldn't get his brains eaten. his brains: not nachos.
they're going to hold hands in public one day, even if they have to do it as dinosaurs. santana takes care of brittany in every other way, on this one she can be the smart one. ]
I'll still like your kisses when you smell like old people. [ especially if santana smells like old people who smell like peppermint. it's what happens sometimes, old people turn into bags of candy and then the other old people buy the candy. that's why it's called the circle of life. ]
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And it's not mean - [ and she grins and touches her forehead to Brittany's for a moment - ] because hobbits feet are so big anyway. [ The Artie thing gets a handwave as she straightens. ] Besides, his zombie arms would probably break off anyway. And Finn'll trip over his Frankenlimbs and we'll be safe and sound somewhere. Zombie apocalypse plans sorted.
[ She's sweet. She's so sweet. And Santana hates it a little that that's the thing that makes her draw back in the slightest, her eyes glance around for a moment as if someone's going to catch them. She can't get comfortable with how much she loves the smell of Brittany's stupid Toy Story no-tear shampoo, or how soft her hands are, or how much she likes when their fingers are linked together, even when Brittany's got those pen stains on the tips of her fingers when she tries to smudge out a mess-up on a paper. ]
[ So long as everyone else cares, Santana cares. And she really, honest to God himself, wishes that she didn't have to. ] You don't know if you'll like me still when we're old people. [ She doesn't want to have this conversation, and she's immediately subject jumping, nose wrinkling. ] Gross, I'd have to have all those crow's feet. At least my boobs aren't gonna sag to my navel. Mi abuela looks fierce as hell, but she needs a better bra. F'realz.
oh my god. oh my GOD.
BABY /clings to your face
[ said in tones of the most deadpan, vaguely blank assurance. ]
LOVERRRRRRR /snuggles around you
/gnaws on your ankles lovingly for good measure
/skritches the top of your head
<3333333333333333333333
:-*
Well, at least you'll have each other if you happen to come aboard.
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[Ignore her annoyed tone. She wants a Britt-Britt where she is like Finn wants cake, like Rachel wants Broadway.]
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[ because a santana without a brit is unthinkable on all levels meta and otherwise gdi so clearly she just wandered off or something. ]
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Yeah. You used to be there with me for a while... But I guess you got lost.
hfdhdfh sorry this took forever! i got a new job and it's been kicking my ass ;;
Check in the closet. Sometimes I wait for snow and forget to come out.
[ all subtext in this comment: entirely unintentional. ]
aww, it's okay! <3
The closets are magical, but you can't get the most important stuff from it. Pretty sure you're not in there.
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