Canon is Spider-Man

[phenethylamine]

Look who comes crawling back! Even gave us some new icons and a new name, as if that changes anything.



[May have spoilers to TASM2 in comments if it crops up]

Comments

[spider_kisser]

Eww. Someone actually had you in their headspace. Lovely.

[phenethylamine]

Apparently some people have taste, unlike certain losers we could name.

[spider_kisser]

If you're implying anything about my mun, then you can't name anyone. You don't know it. Or is this about Peter?

[phenethylamine]

It's always about Peter, isn't it?

[spider_kisser]

Apparently yeah, it is for you. You can never let go of stuff he did inadvertently or under the influence of that junk you're wearing that messed with your life.

[phenethylamine]

The only one who messed up our - my - life is Peter Parker. Get it straight.

[spider_kisser]

I know you blame her for that. That's what I was saying.

[phenethylamine]

The "Other" isn't junk is what're we're saying. [Brock thinks he's being pretty damn diplomatic, seeing as he's not stringing MJ off the nearest skyscraper. He's feeling charitable today]

[spider_kisser]

Sure it's not. Okay, fine. Whatever brings light or darkness into Eddie Brock's empty world.

[phenethylamine]

[Brock keeps on smiling, but it's a little strained. He's starting to rethink this "leave MJ alive" plan of his. Killing her would be instant gratification]

We all have our ways. Yours was running out on your wedding day, if we recall right.

[spider_kisser]

That's not a moment I'm particularly proud of, but it was my own decision that I still stand by all the same.

Have a slightly smaller, much sassier Spider

[wallcrawler]

Heeey, I remember you!

You're...wait, don't tell me, you're uh... Poison! That's it!

[Translation: You look waaay less like a walking tank than the Venom he's used to, so prepare for some mockery.]

Ooh, Spectacular.

[phenethylamine]

Venom! [And Brock's predictably taking the bait, the symbiote rippling around him in agitated waves as he flares up] Punched too many times in the head this week, Spider?

[wallcrawler]

Right, right, I getcha, I getcha...so, still playing second fiddle to a giant alien amoeba?

[phenethylamine]

[And this is the part where Brock goes for the Spider's neck because he's just that easy to piss off]

[wallcrawler]

[Yeah, good luck with that plan, Brock. Spidey here's just going to shoot aweb at his eyes and leap away to a nearby wall, high enough to be just out of reach.]

So, I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a "yes." Sound about right?

[phenethylamine]

[In which Brock lets out a double-toned screech and paws at his eyes to rip out the webbing.

Somehow he still falls for that]

Parker!

[Venom lunges at him again, this time with a gaping maw of big, ugly teeth and way, way too much drool]

[wallcrawler]

[And whoops, he's gone again, this time just chilling on the ceiling.]

Y'know, as much as I can appreciate the fact you wanna hug it out, I'm pretty sure there's not a single version of you out there that isn't a horrible person.

So, I'm gonna have to turn you down. I'd say there's no hard feelings, but, y'know. The version of you I'm familiar with tried to kill Aunt May while she was in the hospital, and then went after Gwen.

[So, plenty of hard feelings.]

But hey, congrats on being a worse person than literally anyone else I have to deal with.

[Except maybe Gobby, but...]

[phenethylamine]

[Venom's tongue slathers across teeth that are just as big and ugly and covered with saliva as his other incarnations - apparently that's one of those other constants]

It's all a matter of perspective, we feel!

[Although those are two very valid targets. That other version sounds like he has the right idea! Venom bunches his legs and lunges up toward the ceiling after Parker, claws raking.]

[tightsofmight]

Well if it isn't the least anticipated comeback since Cher's eleventh farewell tour.

[phenethylamine]

We're delighted shocked you're still alive, Spider.

[tightsofmight]

Was that an Electro pun?

Don't tell me you're punning now. The world is cruel enough already.

[sloppyseconds]

Bad, bad habit! We blame you.

How many girlfriends are you going to burn through, by the way?

[tightsofmight]

[oh no you didn't...]

I'm gonna need you to can it before you do something you really regret, Eddie.

[phenethylamine]

But really, what's the point in getting close to people if you just kill them off? Who's next, Parker? Aunt May?

[tightsofmight]

Are just going to stand there throwing names around like you've actually accomplished anything by throwing your life away for silly putty?

You're the one whose whole life swirled down the toilet. Not me. And the kicker is that you're choosing to keep flushing yourself down. So if you want to waste your time goading a teenage boy for stuff you can't even take credit for, that's fine. Go ahead.

Just don't expect things to magically fix themselves because you were super mean to Spider-Man.

[phenethylamine]

Come on, all that's under the bridge, Parker. Old news! Old, old news! We like to think of our life as just beginning, not "swirled down the toilet"!

[Brock's still smiling when he goes from zero to murderous, lunging at Peter.

Clearly it's not all under the bridge. Blobs of alien goo are sore losers. Who knew?]

[tightsofmight]

[Peter knew. Peter definitely knew.]

Oh come on!

[He has to dodge fast, lurching upright with the help of webs. He uses the brick wall behind him to spring back the way Brock came, landing on the top of streetlamp with his webs at the ready. He's not going to try fighting Brock here: if he can lead him to a nice and empty parking lot, or somewhere equally abandoned and spacious, he'd be in the clear to start knocking heads. Collateral damage with Venom was always at a mountainous high.

Sadly, the potential of him cooperating with Peter's follow the leader schemes were always at a cavernous low. Like, Marianas Trench low.]

Can't we talk about this over pancakes and bacon? Why make with the punchy punchy all the time?

[phenethylamine]

[Parker perches on the streetlamp, hunkered down in that crouch that makes him actually look even smaller than usual, the kind that would've made Brock wince at the flexibility required if he didn't have that now, thanks to the symbiote. His Other begins to creep around his head as he stares up, unblinking, at Parker.

They missed this! They really did - it's almost enough to make them forget what Parker did to Brock. To both of them.

One of these days they'll kill him, for real, but today isn't that day. This is the equivalent of love taps in their mind. A little fooling around, putting the fear of God into the punkass kid]

It's called communication, Spider! [Venom claws up the lamppost after Parker, tongue snaking out as he lunges at him with gaping jaws and too many fangs to be decent]

[arrowminded]

[eye roll]

Great. Just please don't tell me you're 'of Asgard'.

[sloppyseconds]

Nope! Just from good old San Francisco. Little closer to home!

[And the plus space thing, counting the symbiote. It's complicated. ]

[arrowminded]

Yeah, I don't think they make goo monsters in San Francisco. Now, if you'd said you were from LA...

[phenethylamine]

Like to think we have some standards - LA's a dump.

[arrowminded]

Well, that's one thing we can agree on.

I'm guessing if I said put down the tentacles and come quietly, that'd be a no-go, huh?

[phenethylamine]

You'd guess right.

Look, we like you, Robin Hood. How's this sound - we don't skin you alive. Call it a favor between friends.

[arrowminded]

Robin Hood? Seriously?

[This means war, Venom. Just based on that alone.]

Not skinning me alive, though-- that's a good start. Just don't know if it's good enough.

[phenethylamine]

You can't tell us that's the first time anyone's called you that. [Be glad they haven't seen the purple atrocity] Well. We could compromise and not track down your loved ones, either.

[Shame, too. That one's usually pretty reliable in terms of the intimidation factor. Worked with Parker]

[arrowminded]

[Lucky for all of them, that doesn't exist in this Clint's universe. Yet. He has to chuckle at the 'threat' though.]

I was hoping for a little originality. And by the way, if you do run into my 'loved ones'? Better prepare to get your ass handed back to you. In pieces.

[Nat's way more scary than he is]

[phenethylamine]

Let's make it a date. [There's that dentist's nightmare of a grin]

[arrowminded]

Ehhh, let's not.

[Putty arrow comin' at you, bro]