I'unno. He won't leave.

[asschabs]

Yeah, you know why yer feelin' like a nug runnin' around with it's head cut off? You don't have a few quarts of ale and a nice dwarven stud around to make things better...

What? No, I didn't mean the chest hair story guy! Sodding moss-licker! Teach me to try an help...

Comments

[electricitytrick]

Hmm, well if we ever happen to find a dwarven stud around the place, I'll be sure to let your mun know.

[asschabs]

Figures you wouldn't pass up a chance to gang up on ol' Oghren when you could be takin' the chance to make a nice lady-mun happy. Always figured you liked girls more than that but I guess I was wrong.

[electricitytrick]

Mmm, well I'm more than happy to help out a wonderful lady, but don't think that you'll play any part in that. I may be open but I don't think anyone is that open.

[asschabs]

Well, that's great for you. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck trying to butter up the arbiter of my future and she won't even rattle some bedposts with me. I'm outta options here!

[electricitytrick]

You do know there's other ways to butter someone up, don't you? And in any case, I think an offer to rattle the bedposts with an ale-swilling dwarf who farts more than he talks isn't going to improve anyone's day.

[asschabs]

Well, I don't have many options here, unless you wanna try dazzling her with your little sparkle-digits. Besides, no woman knows how much they want me until they've got me. Can't blame me for tryin'.

[electricitytrick]

I don't know, it seemed like most of the women you were around decided they didn't want you, even when they had you.

But when you've got someone like me standing there on offer, I suppose I can't really blame them. Who could say no to all this and magic too?

[asschabs]

Oh sure. Everyone loves a smart-mouthed apostate with a child's chin moss. Tell me, do you pick the fleas out of your dress's feathers before, or do you like to comb them out of the lady's hair and eat 'em afterwards?

[phylacteries]

Oghren!

[asschabs]

I didn't do it!

...Uh, unless you're happy to see me. Sorry, it doesn't happen that often.

[phylacteries]

Oh hush, I am happy to see you, old friend, but—

[ Warden Commander, and she still doesn't look a hundred percent frightening when she puts her hands on her hips. ]

—you couldn't be more polite to your puppeteer?

[asschabs]

Polite? Hehehe, she knew what this was when she picked it up. Though so did Branka, come to think of it...

Why? How d'ya handle yours?

[espouses]

I happen to like the chest hair story guy. He's my favourite dwarf.

[asschabs]

You and the mun both. Meanwhile, poor Oghren gets to sit and spin, I guess. Not like the two of you are the only Brontos in the stable, but still...

[espouses]

I'm sure you can find a Bronto of your own to ride... If you try very, very hard.

[asschabs]

Whaddya think I've been trying to do, woman?!

[espouses]

The search isn't going well, I take it?

[asschabs]

Well...no. But plenty of nugs in Orzammar, right? Pretty lady like you should know that, eh...?

[espouses]

I wouldn't know, I've never actually been to Orzammar. I've heard it's simply charming, though.

[bloodandbattle]

Oghren! It's good to see you!


[Yet another warden that recognizes the Dwarf... but probably isn't recognized in return. Aw well, they can drink and get to know each other.]

[asschabs]

[It's just what companions get used to after awhile. The warden he remembers is an elf too. Maybe they have that in common? Anyway, he decides to head this off at the pass.]

Seems ol' Oghren brings the wardens out of hiding, but you're a new face to me. If you wanna tell me stories about our adventures together, I always like hearin' the other great things I did, even if I wasn't there for 'em! Eheheheh!

[bloodandbattle]

[There's a bit of frown, genuine hurt at not being remembered, but it's covered quickly enough with a friendly smile.]

Are you implying your bootswill brings all the wardens to the yard?

[asschabs]

Heh! "Flushes 'em out" may fit better! Eh...uh, Warden?

[Yeah, he has no idea what this elf's name is. That'd be embarrassing, if Oghren could actually feel that emotion.]

[bloodandbattle]

Surana. But Warden is fine. It's what you - the you I know - always called me. It's what most people called me. Like I was the only one in existence.

[A shake of the head and an eye roll were given as he shrugged it away.]

Where are you keeping your stash now?

[asschabs]

Uh...far as I remember you were, in Ferelden anyway. At least if my own Warden's romp through the surface was any clue. And the little Chantry boy wasn't exactly authority material if you remember.

[He grins in the way he does when he's picking on someone.]

Some of it goes in the beard flask I got from the other Warden, but the rest? That's none of your soddin' business!

[bloodandbattle]

I just wanted to know which side of the armor it was on. Can't be too careful with drink like that.

...Maybe I'll buy you something. That's the best way to reunite with old friends. Or make new ones, right?

[asschabs]

I tuck it inside my armor when we get too close to fire, if that's what you mean.

Ahahaha! Well, you definitely knew me, that's fer sure! Let's grab an ale and chat!

[bloodandbattle]

[The fire hazard was one of his concerns, yes. The other had more to do with a gas hazard...

He'll buy a round of West Hill Brandy and kick his feet up in a chair opposite the dwarf.]

It's good to meet you again Oghren. What have you been up to?

[possessed_mage]

You know, if it was a choice between Varric and you....how do I put this? Varric doesn't burp and fart at the same time. And he has better breath.

[asschabs]

And no beard, and a liar, and I guess he's in love with his crossbow? I dunno, never met the guy but he hardly sounds like a Paragon to me...

Hey [snerk] you think he has to worry about [snort] firing early? Heh, get it?

He never does. It's part of his charm. Uh, sort of.

[loyalshield]

Are you trying to convince us you're a nice dwarven stud? You??

You manage one out of three, and I only believe that one because of the beard.

He's like a rash, really. If you can't get rid of him, he grows on you.

[asschabs]

Huh...Just the beard? And I suppose you're just a really tall elf?

[The dwarven pride he kind of sort of has a bit of is hurt. Though maybe not as much as the small bit of self-illusion he has going.]

And what's that crack about not being nice! I'm plenty nice!