voicetesting!

[puddingnpie]

So, you want to play with me. Can't say I blame you, sweetheart. But you're gonna hafta make your own fun here. None of your little pals are playing that hairy bastard's game, see? Stop moping about worrying about minor characters and headcanon rules. The face on you would put Jack Sprat's wife off her tea. Just find something that works and shove me in it.

Heh. Story of my life, that.

Just one thing, love - don't even think about trying to write out me accent. I know it's your favourite bloody thing about me but there's a lot more to work with if you only look. Getting off your fat arse and reading the books to see if I'm in 'em would be a start.

Comments

[coexistential]

Using fat as an insult? Never a good idea. And you should be glad they're worrying about the accent. You don't seem like you have much substance behind the greasy veneer. [wink]

[puddingnpie]

Really? I'm hoping it'll motivate her. Nobody wants to have their fun with a fat bird, if they did them witches on the 13th floor'd find their income from glamors seriously lackin'. It's meant to be inspirational, like. I'm feeling a little inspired myself, as of now. Lookit those lovely bare shoulders. You lookin' for a job, by any chance?

But you're right, you've caught me. No unplumbed depths here. Difference is, I paid for the plumbin'.

[coexistential]

Inspirational? Well, don't you just have that Dahmer charm? Sorry darling, I have a job. It involves looking at things through a microscope. If you need your pecker examined, you just let me know.

[puddingnpie]

Thought you might like to give it a little jiggle instead. I don't need it lookin' at, thanks, I have that done regular all of me own accord. Can't very well expect people to believe I run an respectable establishment if I'm walking around with the galloping knob rot, now can I?

Now, as much as it pains me to think of a fit bird like you shut up in a lab somewhere, I know skirt likes it when you show an interest. So tell me; what is it them lovely eyes spend all their time peerin' at? Also, do you wear your hair in a bun while you're working and is there any chance you do it with nothing under your lab coat?

[coexistential]

Us skirts thrive on feigned interest and tales of galloping knobs. Unfortunately, I don't think you have the vocabulary to maintain this conversation if I start talking about work. I'd say it'd bore you to tears but... [She reaches forward to give one of his cheeks a delicate flick.]

[puddingnpie]

Ohhh, you like that, do you? Hurt like the very devil but there's a time and a place, am I right?

Now, don't you worry about old Georgie. You want to come in closer and do some of that examining you do, you feel free. Meantime, I'd be appreciative if you'd try me. I might be able to keep up. I'm a very cunning linguist, me.

[coexistential]

[It was hard to tell if he'd intended the invitation as a literal feat, and a sane person probably wouldn't have touched him with a ten foot pole, but Cass had an eldritch horror as backup, and a propensity for poking around the lion's den besides.

She leans forward and hooks a finger in his cheek, none-too-gently exposing his molars for inspection.]

You talk so sweet, it's a wonder you have any teeth left in your head. I work in a bionutritional engineering lab, mostly studying protein biosynthesis. You know, the process where biological cells generate new proteins, balanced by the loss of cellular proteins via degradation or export. It's all very fascinating. I could just go on and on.

[puddingnpie]

Beauty and brains. You're a rare treat, you are. One that's hard to sell, of course, but a gem like you I'd want to keep all to myself.

[Of course, that's what he tries to say. It's somewhat muddled by the fact that he offers no resistance at all to that finger in his mouth. He's had worse things put in there by far less attractive people.]

So what I'm getting from that is you look at things people might want to eat and see if there's any point in them eating it. It all sounds very complicated. I'm partial to a bacon buttie, me.

[coexistential]

You know, sometimes you seem like a slightly above average sleazeball and then you say things that make me feel like you're going to chop me up in your basement. Possibly eat the pieces.

[She seems more amused than threatened at the prospect. She releases his face with a wet pop and after a moment of consideration for what to do with the saliva that she was fairly certain was at least half tetanus, she wiped her fingers on his shirt.]

Close enough. I'd give you a gold star if I had one.

[puddingnpie]

Slightly above average. That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Seriously, I'm so touched I've got a semi.

[If the lovely lady is foolish enough to look down for confirmation she will find that he does not, in fact, bear any noticeable traces of a semi.]

The rest of it, that's not so nice. There's no part of you I wouldn't happily have in my mouth but I'd prefer you intact, engaged and enjoyin' yourself. That generally means all in one piece. You can keep all your lovely proteins where they belong.

[coexistential]

While I'm not entirely inclined to believe you, I suppose I can apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities. Coincidentally, where they belong is just where I plan on keeping my proteins.

...You know, if you worried half so much about inspiring your mun as you did about getting in the pants of stray passers-by, I think you'd be in a game by now.