(no subject)

[king_underthemountain]

So I find another visitor disturbing my slumber, though you are wiser than the last not to covet my gold. I am curious, little scribe - what do you hope to gain from this? Everyone is always craving something, be it riches, or fame, or power, or... entertainment? [Even an old dragon such as Smaug can still be surprised at times, but this surprise he deems pleasant enough and he chuckles deep in his chest.] I must admit, no one ever came to me for that reason. And you may yet find that you made a grave error of judgment in doing so.

But for now, perhaps you will entertain me. I see in your mind the promise of dreams more interesting than I have had for an age, the possibility of excitement without leaving the comfort of my hoard. Do not promise what you can't keep, dear scribe, it isn't polite. But you know to fear what I do with liars, I expect.

On with it, then. No treasure was ever gained by waiting.

Comments

[ceciiil]

Wow! A dragon, and also incredibly rich? Do you have any less mountain-oriented political aspirations? Just thought I'd ask, since mountains aren't real.

[king_underthemountain]

Mountains aren't real? [Don't make him laugh, Cecil, it disturbs the bats.] You must be a fool, or live a very sheltered life, to have never seen a mountain before. I assure you, this one is real enough, and I am its king. And the treasure I keep in it is greater than any other, unmatched in size and worth, so what interest would I have in political aspirations?

[ceciiil]

Well, a lack of further political ambition is certainly understandable. But does a mountain really need a king? Whether or not they exist. I mean, as a monarch, obviously the "mountain" didn't get a vote, but still. Does the ""mountain"" need a lot of governing? Does the """mountain""" pay taxes? I'm savvy enough about municipal affairs to see some problems with this.

And how dare you call me sheltered! I am very well traveled, I'll have you know.

[king_underthemountain]

The mountain is mine. I took it and no one has dared challenge my claim in over a century. [And that's all the argument you need, obviously.] I wonder, is it a habit of yours to ask inane questions? And what do your fellow Men think of it? Most towns keep a fool for amusement, I believe. I plucked one out of the valley-town when I shaped my kingdom. He tasted of overripe fruit.

And in all your travels you never encountered a mountain? My, what strange lands did you travel upon?

plays 'dueling italics' on banjo

[ceciiil]

I ask important questions! For journalism. And science!

I just don't understand what your kingdom actually is, though. A mountain, which I generously allow may or may not exist, and an unspecified amount of treasure. I'm not sure that's really a kingdom? So much as a location and its contents? Perhaps you can clarify the issue.

I guess I did encounter a lot of hillside. But I would definitely remember any mountains, unless I were re-educated not to.

the new single by Mumford & Sons

[king_underthemountain]

Your feeble mind is not my concern. The only issue here is you wasting my time. So unless you wish to make a meal of yourself, I suggest you think of something more interesting to say.

Not that you won't still make an adequate meal later, of course.

[ceciiil]

You seem really desperate for entertainment. Have you ever thought maybe that's a symptom of chronic hiding under a nonexistent mountain-itis? Maybe you should go outside more. Live a little. Run for government office. Bet you wouldn't be bored then.

Or you could try being a little more likeable. Maybe people would come by and visit, but not to steal your stuff. Like just to play Scrabble or something. There are so many solutions to your problem that don't involve eating anybody! Though, I do respect your draconic right to eat people, I mean, I'm not a jerk.

Another dragon says heeey

[firethroat]

You may find that your goals and that of your scribe are not so dissimilar.

Why not leave the hoard for a while? Flying would do you good.

woo dragon party

[king_underthemountain]

Indeed, and I can be patient, if she suits me. But it is a great task for one so small. I can hardly decide whether it would be more enjoyable to see her succeed or fail.

I fly when I am hungry, but never far. Leaving my hoard would be good only for giving filthy dwarves and greedy lake-men an opportunity to lay their paws on my gold. Do you treat your own treasure with so little care?

plays dance music

[firethroat]

Those who are small can achieve many great things. [Cara, for instance, did many brave things for a small human child.]

Food is one reason to fly, certainly, but flying has virtue in itself. Do you not wish to contemplate the wind's poetry or memorize every inch of your territory? [She snorts, licks of fire and hot air.] My treasure room is high above where man or dwarf could easily reach, in the center of my lands. And I guard my territory well. However, there are few foolish enough to attempt such a trip. Why would the dwarves come to me for treasure? They have enough on their own. As for men, the number of humans in Luster is too small for them to risk facing a dragon unnecessarily.

offers sheep snacks

[king_underthemountain]

Those who wield power can, regardless of size. But I see no signs of power in my daring little scribe.

I congratulate you on the security of your hoard. It must be a pleasant land indeed where dwarves and men are not so greedy and foolish to challenge a dragon despite their own treasures. I am less fortunate and must guard my kingdom closely, you understand. Just now a pack of skulking dwarves broke into the mountain to steal from me! As I always knew they would.

In my younger days I would enjoy flight for its own sake, I will admit. But now I know every rock upon my mountain and every coin beneath, and I am content to rest among my wealth.

mmmm sheep

[firethroat]

Not all strengths or powers are so noticeable. [Like bravery or honesty.]

The land is pleasant enough, with the exception of the delivers. However, that does not mean I do not guard it well, as I have yet to forget the treachery of humans. One can guard a kingdom just as well from the air as under a mountain, for then no one will get close enough to even see the treasure room. Strange, though, that dwarves would steal. They seem more forthright than their deliving cousins.

I am not so young myself, yet flying remains one of the few joys in life. Besides, land changes if no one is there to watch and guard.

[worsetodie]

So demanding.

[king_underthemountain]

I have much right to be. And who might you be, to judge me?

[worsetodie]

Judge? [His laugh is darkly mirthful, his voice metallic and crisp.] Not at all, dearie. Merely observing. But that's not what you asked. [A deep, theatrical bow at the waist.] A visitor to your mountain, a curious onlooker and nothing more.

[king_underthemountain]

[Oh a polite one, and smart enough not to give away his name too easily. The dragon cants his head in equally sardonic greeting and then thrusts it forward for a good sniff.] I rarely get visitors, and never is curiosity the only thing on their minds. Would you not take a few gems or silver, to compliment the gold I smell on you? There is plenty to spare. [Of course, he'll kill you if you touch any of it.]

[worsetodie]

[He shrugs listlessly.]

Impressive hoard that this is -- and make no mistake, it is, and I recognize that -- I have no need of what I can make freely myself. Curiosity's enough.

....YOU.

[fuckelves]

......you dare call yourself King Under the Mountain? MY mountain?? That title is a title for Durin heirs, not overgrown reptiles such as yourself.

me? you!

[king_underthemountain]

When I made this mountain mine, Durin's heirs ran like rats from a sinking ship. You forfeited your title that day, along with the King's Jewel, which rests comfortably in my hands now. Tell me, Oakenshield, what right to the throne does a coward have?

[fuckelves]

We endured is what we did!! We were forced to abandon the kingdom and we waited. We nursed our anger and let it fuel us, let it help us endure any horror and hardship.

We waited for you to grow so fat and lazy that you wouldn't be able to stand against us.

And we succeeded.

[king_underthemountain]

You succeeded? [He'd be offended at your words if you weren't being so ridiculous.] I played with you. I made sport of you until I grew tired of your presumptuousness, and when I return from lake-town, when I have reminded the whimpering lake-men who the true King Under the Mountain is, then I will show you what it means to challenge me! Thief! Coward! If you call that success, I wonder how far you would sink in failure.

[fuckelves]

When you return from Laketown to attempt and steal what belongs to me, worm, I can promise you worse than what we gave you before. I'll be sure to burn out your eyes with the molten gold you so desperately desire. Then you can truly be blinded by your greed.

I am no thief, worm. A thief is one who takes what does not belong to him. I am Erebor's one and only master. You are the thief here, beast!

[king_underthemountain]

Bold words from one who would sacrifice a frightened burglar and his own kin for the sake of his sick, futile desire. Neither Dwarf nor Elf nor Man can resist me, I am impenetrable, I am fire and desolation! Yet you offer up your meager company to me so long as the Arkenstone is within your sight. I shall feast on them for days and save you for last, so you may see what your corruption has brought upon them.

And how did you come to claim that title, pray tell? Was it not because Durin's heirs found the mountain unguarded and plucked the Jewel from its roots unchallenged? I did nothing else, and therefore it is mine.

[fuckelves]

[Have a very angry heir of Durin growling at you, Smaug. That was just rude and uncalled for!]

The Arkenstone belongs to my clan. The wealth of Erebor was cultivated by the hands of my people.

I ask nothing more than what they would readily sacrifice. The burglar signed a contract, he knew the risks of the quest. Each member of my Company was selected for a reason; they possess skills necessary to defeat you. You think that you will feast on them? Try it. They will prove to be of sterner stuff than that to allow a worm like you to subdue them! Return to Erebor from your raid on Laketown, Chief Calamity, and I can promise your bones will never leave the Lonely Mountain - for I will use them to decorate my throne room!

[cherrybombpie]

Oh, my! How cute you are!

15 min late w antitime

[antitimelord]

Isn't a dragon a subpar sort of monster, really. Very base origins. What are scrabbling mortals afraid of, before they learn higher forms of terror? Big teeth and claws, fire, death from above. Viscerally pleasing, I'll grant. But that's just a step up from being afraid of the dark. 6/10, experience just above average, would not dragon again.

get out

[king_underthemountain]

And who are you, to look down on claws like spears and death in flames as though they could not rend you? What do you use to strike terror in the hearts of mortals and Elves alike, if I may ask?

[antitimelord]

I am the end of everything, which would only be hastened by my rending. That isn't even a riddle, though I can appreciate it would be a good one.

I regret to admit I haven't struck terror into the hearts of any Elves; they're quite rare where I live. 'Mortals,' though...

[king_underthemountain]

If it isn't a riddle, it is certainly a lovely title. I can only think of one worthy of it in these lands.

Go on, tell me how you gained it, tell me what you do to those unfortunate enough to catch your eye. Impress me.

[antitimelord]

That would be you, I take it?

I don't think I can impress you. I want fear to be personal, not just inflicted on beings who were unfortunate enough to stand between you and something you wanted to collect. Not that that doesn't have its place, not that you owe an obstacle anything other than fiery death or exile, but then what? I occupy minds, you are an indolent thief. Why make someone fear for the integrity of their hide or home when you can make them fear for the integrity of their very soul and identity? But no, I'm sure collecting shiny objects is just as rewarding.

[king_underthemountain]

Flattering, but I have little interest in the end of everything. Someone else will lay waste to the world in due time, and one day he will come to my mountain to ask for my allegiance, but until then what reason do I have to care whether the world prospers or dies?

You have interesting ideas, Occupier of Minds. Yet you disappoint me, being no better than that dwarf vermin in believing I am the thief here. How can it be burglary when I was met with no resistance? The gold may as well have been attended by flies. And the gold shall remain mine forever, while fear itself is fleeting. What can you call your own when your victims have run off and rallied themselves in their hiding holes?

[antitimelord]

You leave the question of what happens next conspicuously open. Will you give your allegiance freely, then? That is the disappointment, here. I suppose you'll cite a natural order, or somesuch.

It sounds less like you weren't met with resistance and more like the resistance wasn't up to your exacting standards. But why would it be? You're obviously a force to be reckoned with. I just don't understand why gold is your pursuit. Perhaps you can give me some insight.

mun JUST saw the movie, two words: WO-OW

[strikingblue]

[Scuse Kurt, he's just a little over-awed at the size of this....this....whatever it is, it's BIG.]

hell yeah. everything's gonna be on fire next movie, it'll be awesome

[king_underthemountain]

[Smaug can't help posing a little, before letting out a growling snort of vapor.] Do you have a name, or has my splendor cost you all manners?

indeeeeed

[strikingblue]

[...and then the jaw unhinges. TALKING DRAGON. It takes him a moment to answer, starting in German before being able to switch to English.]

Ach, du liebe...dhat is...nein, nein, hallo.... [He bends at the waist, feeling the need to be more formal for some reason to a creature much bigger than he is. His yellow eyes still wide open.] I am Kurt Vagner...but in the Munich Circus, I vhas dhe Incredible Nightcrawler.

[How small that name seems now.] And, who are you, Herr Drache?

[has_a_horn]

Meh.

[king_underthemountain]

Rude. Is that all, or have you got something more interesting to say?

[has_a_horn]

It's just. Treasure is so boring. And uncomfortable. Don't you ever get tired of gold coins stuck in your ass crack? Start hoarding pillows or something.

[king_underthemountain]

Speak for yourself. Your flesh is frail and tender, so easily bruised and rent. My skin is armor like tenfold shields, made impenetrable by a coat of gems and gold. Nothing to me was ever as pleasant as a bed of treasure.

[has_a_horn]

Tenfold shields. Pfft. Lame.

[king_underthemountain]

Is that so. There seem to be many creatures here that think themselves stronger and more fearsome than me, a living calamity. What do you claim to be?

late, but heeeey~

[semioticallyspeaking]

[So, Cosima is doing her very best not to gape, or tremble, or ask stupid questions. None of those things would be helpful in this situation. This situation being... being faced by a reptile the size of the Student Union building. She refuses to so much as think the word dragon, because that would be ridiculous. Dragons don't exist.]

[Except, Jesus fuck, what is she looking at if not a dragon? She clears her throat, and tries her hardest for casual.]

So, it's true, then. Dragons and treasure, I mean.

[king_underthemountain]

Ah, another one who has heard the tales. Have you come to assure yourself of my magnificence as well, then? [He's definitely mocking you. Someone else already tried that story on him and he didn't believe it then either.]

[semioticallyspeaking]

Um, no, actually. [Said with the slight, unthinking arrogance of someone who's used to being the smartest person in the room, and then, considering that she's talking to a GIANT DAMN DRAGON, hastily amended:] Not that-- I mean, you are, uh, totally magnificent.

[Which, despite her being thoroughly freaked, she has to admit is absolutely true. There's a part of her brain that wishes she could get a better view of his anatomy, see how the musculature works, how he all fits together, how a reptilian mouth and vocal cords are able to produce speech. His sheer size, however, rather precludes that.]

And the odds of you roasting me on the spot are what?

[coilswithincoils]

[Yawn. Dull, so dull. And always the same tune.]

[king_underthemountain]

[Ugh, how did that get in here? Smaug doesn't tend to tolerate vermin, besides the bats, who sometimes bring news and gossip. But no, there's something about this one... It may be worth a closer look.] There are no mice for you here, cat. Or are you interested in something more valuable?

[coilswithincoils]

[Mogget blinks placidly up at the dragon, fastidiously padding his way over the heaped treasure. Sharp-edged stones and cold metal are less than enjoyable underpaw.]

Mm?

[Another yawn]

Oh, I imagine there are probably mice somewhere, if these halls are as vast as they look. They're persistent little things. But no, my interests at the moment are much the same as yours. How did you put it? Entertainment.