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[He is actually starting to feel a little queasy.] Oh, I bet it did. I bet it worked perfectly. [All of those weapons that the Red Skull and his little friend had built - and Tony could have started building them when he was the age Howard started college. Sixteen.] Tony, I honestly don't know why I sent you away. I'm not that person yet, I don't know what my motivations were. [He gives his son a baleful look.] And neither one of us knows whether or not someone tried to kidnap you, either.

[He stops pacing at that statement, his hands dropping to his side.] ...That's .. that's not what men of my time do. We don't - we don't share like that. [Least of all with their sons, the ones that they see in their mirror image. Still - it's important to know.] Was I cruel to you? Did I say hateful things?

(welp. That isn't what he intended. But he needs to get all of it out. Cleansing and all. Sorry, Howard :() You might want to try to not become that person either. It screws things up a bit. (alright, so, he'll give him that one) No one did it successfully, at least.

It's not like I was asking for much. A word of praise would have at least given me something. Most of the time if I built something you'd look at it, and then go off to think. (Tony scowled at that) You hardly acknowledged me.

I don't even know who that person is yet - I haven't lived through what he has. Right now ... I'm in the Arctic, looking for the greatest man I've ever known. [Steve would have been a good father - better than Howard. But Steve was always the better man, and now Steve was gone. He has to wonder how much of what happened to him afterwards was a direct correlation of that.] Well, I'm glad for that.

[He's not calmer now, but he is thinking. Brooding really, trying to figure out his own behavior.] Like what, exactly? What were you building, how old were you?

Who is that? (He still doesn't know Steve. He's seen the shield, he has a vague memory of seeing the shield design when he was a child, too, but again, that would have been briefly before his father would chase him off for being in his things)

Why does that matter? You didn't praise anything I did. How do you think that made me feel? Like what I'd done wasn't good enough. That I had to build bigger and better to get your attention. I wanted you to let me work with you. You were my Dad, and you had this amazing workshop that would have been the greatest playground for me.

(There was more emotion in his voice than before now) I...I looked up to you. (gdi where is that emotional stopper) I don't know why.

Captain America. [He built that shield - hell, he hand-crafted the thing. It had turned from an experiment to a symbol, one he wouldn't forget. A sign of something pure, something real. Something truly good in this world...]

[He turns around to look at this man - this terribly fragile man that he gave birth to - and wondered if this was how his own father felt. Genius was such a burden, and not just on the one who bore it, but the ones who raised it.] ...I built atom bombs, in my workshop. I built weapons of mass destruction. I built killing machines, for profit. Do you really think I would have wanted you around that? [He pauses, then snorts softly as he looks off at the distance.] Is this what normal people feel like, talking to me? It must be - I never realized how much I ignore the obvious to grasp at the greater picture, the greater goal. Selfish, really ...

[He clicked his teeth together, then reached into his suit jacket for a cigarette, his own dark eyes a little lost and a little sad.] You were my greatest creation - I never would have exposed you to that. Not purposefully. Not until you were old enough to understand what I wanted to do - where I wanted us to go. That I didn't want us to be war mongers anymore ... [He shook his head, lighting the cigarette.] I would have wanted you to be proud of me - with a mind like that. I would have wanted to build something that wasn't coated in blood, for a mind that pure and special.

Did you know him well?(He won't lie. He's interested in their relationship)

(Tony knew all too well about the burden of genius. That was why he was the way he was. Of course, he didn't see that he was a mirror image of his father. Distant - never letting anyone ever truly see who he was, never letting anyone get too close to him. Pepper was the person closest to him, but even from her he kept the vast majority of his feelings. There are moments where he looks at himself in the mirror and sees nothing but a shell. A genius shell, but someone who's hollow on the inside) It's not like I'd want you to let me tinker with the bombs! But you could have given me something to do so I could sit down there with you, and you could work with me. Show me how I could improve. (Tony couldn't stop a bubble of laugh) I'm glad I've brought some self realisation to your life.

I don't remember you ever smoking. (He probably still did, but never in front of Tony) You did build one thing that helped me. Saved me, really.

I did, actually. He stole a girl from me. [a smile comes over his face, completely unbidden.] And in the course of that, taught me what it means to be a real American hero.

[He stares at Tony for a moment, before shaking his head.] Anthony ... kiddo, what the hell could I have taught you? Hell, I was probably taking those things you made and trying to figure out how you did it. I probably have a shelf of them, somewhere. [Now, he gives his son a curious look.] You really didn't know anything about me growing up, did you?

[He blinks, then looks at the cigarette.] Really? I smoke like a chimney when I'm upset. Drink, too. [A pause, then a thoughtful look - before he gives into a little bitter humor.] Did it involve me taking away your puppy? Perhaps killing your goldfish? Or something else, equally monsterous?

(Welp. That makes Tony be his normal, slightly bitchy self for a moment) You let someone steal his girl? I'm embarrassed over you, now. (there's a flash of a grin, before a frown replaces it, as he tries to think what that means)

(Tony gives him an exasperated look, hands twitching, because while he wants to throw them up in the air and flail, he has to keep some reserve) You...I don't know. You could have at least pretended that you were teaching me something. Pretended that I was a son you cared about instead of some, anomaly you had to hide away. (he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair) Like I said - you hardly acknowledged me. It wasn't like you ever took me on your knee and started a "when I was your age" story.

Guess I get that from you. I don't smoke, but... (Tony snorted and shook his head, ducking it to look down as he started to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, getting rid of his tie first, and then ~ta da~ le arc reactor) Like I said, don't give up on the arc reactor.

Hey, when you meet him, you'll understand. He'd steal the girl from you too. Well, not intentionally, mind. He's - he was - a respectful fellow like that. The girl was his from the start. [He falls quiet, thoughtful.] He was a good man, a strong one. Not in physical prowess persay, but in the soul, and in the heart.

[Howard's face falls, a little, before he puffs on his cigarette in aggitation.] I must have taught you something - been affectionate in some way. Maybe I didn't show it -- very well - but I never learned how myself. My father was hard on me, harder than I thought necessary. [He falls silent for a moment, before exhaling and puffing on his cigarette again.] Maybe I didn't do any better, as much as I made myself a different man. [He looks up at his son.] But never think I didn't care. I would care - no matter what. You're my son, for godsakes. That means something to me.

[He looks at Tony, seriously, soberly.] You should drink less. It rots the brain, you know. [he watches, puzzled, until the arc reactor appears on his chest and his mouth dropped open.] I ...I built that?

No one steals a girl from me. (DUH. But he's heard about this Steve. He's not sure what to think of him) Sounds like he's the opposite of everything I am.

You might have cared, but you didn't show it. And to a kid that makes him think his Dad didn't care about him at all. (Tony slips a flask from his inner pocket, and drinks. because of course he has a flask) You should try to have a kid now, because I think something happens to you. Something that turns you into the man you are with me, but I don't know what that could be.

(A flicker of a smile passes his lips) The liver, too. But I can always buy another one of those. (Tony taps it lightly) Yes and no. You built the big version. I miniaturised it after I had a run in with a terrorist group. Shrapnel is a bitch. I have to use a magnet to keep it from moving to my heart. At least until I can figure out a way to get it out.

Hmm. You're not meeting the right class of women, then. [Because if his son is anything like him ... and he probably is.]

[Howard's expression is saddened, watching his son drink. It's like seeing himself, after a meeting with his father.] I don't know, either. But the war was hard, and I had to do things ... things that I am never going to forget. [Hiroshima rests in his soul, every day. A little heavier and a little deeper. He smokes his cigarette, then looks at Tony. Hard.] I might - have a kid sooner rather than later. And no matter what happens with that kid I - you should know. You should know that I felt protective of you the moment I heard of you, and even more so now. And if I never know to say it in the future -- well hear it now. You're my son. I love you. No matter what.

[It takes a lot for him to say that, but he holds his son's gaze -- until he drags it back to the arc reactor.] So that little thing is keeping you alive ... good. [He breathes out.] Good. I hope you made it to last. Is that why you can't have kids?

I meet women from all different classes. (slight grin. but he knows his Dad is right. But he chooses not to meet them. Because he doesn't want to be attached to someone, and that's what the right class of women deserve. Stability and all that)

I'm sure it was. It must have been horrible. (He looks sympathetic at that, because he understands. he's gone through his own war, not a world war, but the war in Iraq and all has taken a toll on him too, even though he doesn't acknowledge that in the press and whatnot. Again, no one truly knows Tony Stark) I...(Okay, he doesn't know how to handle that. So he's just going to drink again. manly feels again) And...you're a great man, just not a great father.

(Tony has a burst of laughter at that) It'd last a dozen life times. And no, no this isn't why I can't have kids. I don't want them. (He worries he'd screw up on his kid too) I...it's not my style.

Hmm-mmm. [His lips twist up into a knowing smile. He knows those kind of women. He knew them in his day as well.] Just ... try for better. Trust me, it'll be worth it.

It wasn't easy - but I did what I needed to to protect our country. [And he did. He built the blood-soaked machines that ended the war in their favor, and he would never regret that. But he'd regret every innocent that had to go to charnel house. The butcher bill always had to be paid, in Howard's eyes.] Hm. [He snorted softly.] I don't know about that. But at least I was a man, and that's more than most could say.

[He looks up from the arc reactor, to Tony.] You should. You'd probably end up being a better father than me. Someone ought to get it right.

I'm not the marrying type.

I know the feeling. (He does. After Afghanistan his perspective on what he does had shifted entirely. He had assisted in so many deaths by proxy, on both sides too, it seemed. But he tried to counter it with the intellicrops and medicine and all that jazz. And then of course there was Iron Man, but he wasn't going to bring that up yet) You're a genius.

Like I said, I'm not the marrying time. Or family.

Well, at least you're upfront about it. I hope you're that straight forward with all the women you keep company with. [God knows he is.]

[He sighs, tiredly, before stubbing out his cigarette, and making a gesture at the flask. He's tired, feeling these many feels, and a hit would really do him well right now. Too many old ghosts, painful memories.] Compartively, I'm the slow kid on this block. I didn't build my first engine until I was 13.

[He grimaces, at the last statement, but says nothing. Bad enough he was a horrible father. He was bad enough his own son didn't want to have kids. Just another mark in his own father's favor, and wasn't that a bitter pill to swallow. He doesn't even try to hide the quiet despair that gives him. Just waits for the flask so he can drink deep, and take some of the sting.]

It's in my reputation. I've had more than my fair share of black mail attempts, and those who think I'm going to be exclusive with them, but the most understand who I am, and don't expect more.

(Tony pauses for a moment, and then takes another sip before handing it over. He's sick of standing, so instead he slides against the wall to a seated position on the floor) Really? You might as well be ordinary. Jeez.

(Tony looks down then and picks at a hair on his pants, and then brushes it away. He's always just brushed children off. He had a horrible childhood, and he doesn't want to pass that on. Because he doesn't know how to be a dad. But it would mean settling down and starting a family, but he knows with the way he works, he would likely turn into his dad)

You know, of all the things we had to have in common ... I wish blackmailing gold diggers wasn't one of them.

[He snorts before he takes a long hit off the flask, enjoying the burn. Good stuff, this. He does love his whiskey.] Yeah, well, that was the engine we sold to the United States government, and started Stark Industries. You're welcome.

[He looks down at Tony, before sliding down next to him. He takes another drink off the flask, before handing it back.] Did you hate me, or were you just disappointed in me?

The woe of being rich and famous. It does throw the occasional wrench in the machinery.

I don't know where I'd be without it. (A pause, before a smirk appeared on his lips) Nah. I'd probably be rich and famous anyway.

(He, pops. He is going to take it back and drink from it) We're going to need a bottle. (He pauses at the question, needing to think for a moment) Both, I think. When I was a kid, it was hatred, but when I got older, I realised the hatred was just how I perceived disappointment at the time.

You know ... I think I would have been a lot happier if I didn't have to make money off what I created. I mean, it was nice. Let me build whatever I wanted, drive whatever I felt like and fly to the far ends of the world -- but I never really knew what true friends were until I was hunkered down in a London basement with the sharpest tongue'd British agent you'd ever meet. And she didn't like me for my money. She liked me because I was smart, I was charming, and because I could build her a better gun.

[Now this pulls a laugh from him, and he shakes his head a little.] Well yes. You can thank your great great grandfather for that. But that engine ... I'm proud of that design. It was what made way for my flying car.

[He takes the flask back.] Well, you're in luck. I drink like a fish, so I always have a bottle. [He takes another drink, before nodding his head.] Good ... at least I did better than my old man.

Why don't you just stop? You're rich already, right? You should just go off and see the world. It's harder to do that now. (Tony raises an eyebrow at the way Howard talks about this woman) Is this the one Steve stole from you? Ouch. (he paused for a moment) But I think you'll like Mom. She's good people.

Ah, yes. Your flying car. I saw a recording of a demonstration of it. Very smooth the way you saved yourself after it blew out and came crashing down. Unfortunately flying cars aren't all the rage yet.

(Tony laughs, but then the smile falls away from his face. This was the man he was not long ago projecting years of built up feelings towards, but...he's not the man he expected at all. This is someone he could be friends with. BroDaddy) I guess that gets passed down too.
What did gramps do to you?

Because I have to prove I can do this. That I can take us beyond weapons, beyond guns and cannons. [He leaned his head back against the wall and nodded.] Agent Peggy Carter. She was the game changer -- she's probably the reason you are here today. Well, besides your Mom being good people.

[He pointed the finger at him.] Hey, the principle was sound. I just didn't have the right kind of power source. The circuits weren't strong enough. If I just had stronger material ... more conductive ...

[He glanced over at him, his son, and traced the years and the cares there. Life had not been easy on Tony Stark. He wondered how much of that was him, and how much of it was Tony. But this was his son as a man -- and he was ... well. Brilliant. So he gave Tony another smile, before leaning his head back against the wall.] Your grandfather was a hard man. He refused to believe I would do anything for our family but be a constant embarrassment. He also thought I was out of my gourd, trying to make Stark Enterprises something beyond a munitions company.

You only start to do that, sorry, pops. But you lay a solid foundation for Stark Industries to expand around the globe.
Huh. I'm trying to think if I remember her. I'll have to go look through what I do have from when I was a kid.

Still. It was pretty funny. (Taking the flask back he drank from it, grin plainly on his face) I might have to look in on the flying car again. It is how everyone visualizes the future, after all. So it could take off.

(Tony brought the flask to his lips again and drank, staring straight ahead, and sighing. No, life hadn't been an easy thing on him. Of course he acted as if everything was a breeze for him and that he didn't have a care in the world, but that added a lot of weight on his shoulders. And he had no one to lean on. Briefly he had had Pepper, but it hadn't held. Not for him. It hadn't been the right thing for him, and while they had had a moment of friction between them, things were slowly going back to the way they had always been, and he was slowly trying to nudge her towards Happy, who had always been in love with her) From one extreme to another then. (He shook his head) You proved him wrong.

Well... at least I got us multi-national. That will help. ['Pop' - it's weird but it both irritates and pleases him.] Probably not ... she lives in England after all, and I'm sure your Mom wouldn't want me around her.

[He snorts out a laugh himself.] ...Yes, well, I did have to think fast on my feet. And if you do - remember - balance. Balance is the key.

Well, that's the Stark family motto, you know. 'We Go To Extremes.' I don't think there's ever been a Stark who hasn't thrown himself at his particular vocation with anything less than slavish devotion. We're intent that way -- and it's either very good, or very bad, for those around us.

Ah. The one that got away, huh?

It's good to know where I got the tendency to snort from. Another thing I can blame you for. (Tony nods and takes out his PDA to jot that down) Balance is the key.

And here I thought it was 'Winter is Coming'. (TROLOLOLO) I think it's probably a mix, and mostly falls on the very bad side. At least for me.

I'm sort of a super hero too.

Yes. The game changer. The one that made me realize I didn't want to chase skirts anymore ... I wanted a woman who was willing to take a shot at me if she thought I was stepping out. [He smiled, briefly, his eye warming.]

[Another snort, before he shook his head.] Go ahead and blame your devilishly handsome looks on me as well. I might as well get something good out of this. [He arched an eyebrow at the PDA - fascinating things, modern technology.]

...Now you've completely lost me. [And he had - what was the what now?] Well, you have to learn to master yourself. It takes time, but it's not impossible.

[Here, he brightens again.] Really? Which one?

voice test > home search > shenanigans

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This is so epic awesome :)

omg yes. stark!feels are the best feels.

Ohgads yes! I am feeling a little teary.

omg me too. perfection.

Re: omg me too. perfection.

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