(no subject)

[aelphaba]

[She can't even right now. Elphaba buries her head in her hands, rubbing her temples.]

So you've officially 'found my voice' again. Congratulations. And you're trying to find me a home, despite knowing what happens. What are your plans this time?

[Well...]

A place. With Glinda? I--Lurline, you're thick; the idea of vanishing forever is that you don't have tearful reunions with your lov--

With your frie--

With those you l-left behind.

Comments

[always_north]

Shutting yourself away forever not good anyway.

Loneliness does many bad things to people.

[aelphaba]

I am not lonely.

[always_north]

Maybe not now, but forever is long time.

Eventually you start to miss people. Miss talking. What happens from there can either be very good or very bad.

[aelphaba]

And I assume you think you have experience with this.

[always_north]

I know what it is to shut your heart to people, but no I have never been truly alone before.

I do know how it can change people though. Weaken their resolve and their feelings of hope. Make them susceptible to much darker forces. Turn someone into what they were fighting against.

[aelphaba]

Do you think I'm fighting for anything? Couldn't I just be hoping for some quiet?

[always_north]

Most people have a value they hold onto. Even if it is simply that a fight should be fair.

SHIT I CAN'T RESIST

[defyingfrigidity]

If you acknowledge that such a reunion would be tearful, then you must think you've done something to upset the person you're reuniting with, right?

Don't you want a chance to fix whatever went wrong?

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?

[aelphaba]

Everything went wrong. [She snaps, and doesn't realize until afterwards that the woman's voice is curiously...well, it's rather similar to hers.] You can't fix everything.

that is a very good question that I do not have the answer to

[defyingfrigidity]

[... Yeah, that's. A very weird thing, now that Elsa notices it too. Talking about not wanting to reunite with someone important with her certainly doesn't help either.]

No, you can't. [Her sister would argue otherwise, but Elsa knows that some things just can't be fixed.] But it's never too late to start trying to fix some of the things that really count. Like your relationships with people you love.

[It's quite obvious she's speaking from experience here.]

also i just realized that your username is the best reference

[aelphaba]

[Some of the tension in her jaw lessens. At least the woman agrees with her--the strange aural doppleganger.]

It's, it's too complicated. There's too much damage; going back will only make it worse.

I couldn't NOT make some kind of Wicked joke with her journal, seriously

[defyingfrigidity]

... Sometimes the people we've hurt don't see it that way. They don't see us hurting them as a betrayal; what really hurts them is shutting them out.

[aelphaba]

Oh, do share.

[Sarcasm hangs her voice like--well, like icicles.]

[defyingfrigidity]

[A pause. She hates talking about The Accident. But... she had to learn to be more open. She can't hide from the things that hurt or frighten her anymore, and what better way to start than talking about that dark day?]

I almost killed my sister. [There's more than a little bit of self-loathing in her voice when she says that.] I didn't want to do such a thing ever again, so to protect her, I quite literally shut her out for thirteen years.

She grew up believing what led to our separation was her fault. I hurt her worse doing something I thought would be better for her.

[aelphaba]

[...

...

...

oh. That changes things. Elphaba recoils slightly out of instinct. She looks at Elsa with new light, with the realization that, in this crazy place, maybe some people really do know what it's like. Elphaba shifts, draws herself inwards. She glances away.]

My sister was killed because of me.