[ Sam hasn't forgotten what Dean said in the church. How could he? But the doubts of his own self worth aren't that easy to shake. Especially with recent events on his mind... ]
If I'd just finished the Trials, Kevin wouldn't be dead. And it would've saved other people, too. Who knows how many.
[ It doesn't matter - Dean'd do it all again, because those people aren't Sam. Actually, no, he'd change things - he'd be the one doing the trials like he meant to, and stop all of this bullshit, but that's neither here nor there. ]
If you'd done the trials, it would've killed you. Don't start playing the blame game with me, Sammy, I've got just as much ammo. If I'd done the trials then this wouldn't have happened, either. You wouldn't have ever - [ and the words choke in his throat, but he grits them out. ] - been possessed by an angel.
[ Ready for it. After everything, just letting go had sounded so blissfully easy. But after what Dean had said? How could he? ]
It didn't work out that way. [ And his tone is softer, less accusatory, brows knit. ] ... We'll figure it out. Maybe I can still boot him out, somehow.
quietly renames dean's journal to "abandonmentissues"
[ Because that's the biggest thing he needs to know. Why the fuck was Sam ready to die, why was this suddenly okay, why couldn't he just come back and stay. It's his little goddamn brother, he's not supposed to bury him. He can't do that. ]
You can. Okay? If you can - if you can screw the Devil over you can do this.
[ It's hard to answer. Because not too long ago, Sam was the one preaching about the value of their lives, claiming that he wanted to live-- wanted them both to live. And then, at the church... it wasn't the same. Not when he was so close to finally being able to move on, to just... let things be. ]
Because I'm not more important than getting rid of all the demons. Because-- Because we've done enough, haven't we?
[ It's almost desperate. But softly spoken, always. ]
... Maybe. [ That... He still isn't entirely sure how he stole back control from Lucifer. Well-- No. He's sure. Still. ] I'll do what I can.
[ Yeah, it's hypocritical bullshit. Sam was the one all gung-ho about living, about them getting past this, and Dean's three seconds from either hitting him or shaking him because this is bullshit. ]
The hell you aren't. And yeah. Yeah, man, we've given a helluva lot but -
[ But Dean can't just sit back. Can't just watch this happen, can't watch the world go 'round without stepping in when people are getting hurt, when everything's a shitfest they need to fix. ]
I know it ain't fair. Asking you to fix what I fucked up.
I'm not-- Dean, c'mon. [ Don't be an ass about this. They may be the most important people in the world to each other, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how selfish that really is. For both of them. ] Don't.
[ He's quiet, listening. And then sighs. ]
... You were doing what you thought was right. [ Saving your little brother. Sam can't really blame him for that, not if he'd have done the same. ]
What, you think we're not allowed to be selfish once in a while?
[ Christ. Admittedly they're pretty selfish any time the other one is involved, but Dean isn't allowed that many things in his life. Sam is one of the few things he's got to hold onto and like hell he's letting go. ]
I - [ wait, he's. Agreeing. Okay, that's....well, it doesn't make him feel better but it does stop him in his tracks. ] ....Yeah.
[ No, he definitely didn't miss the part when someone's been pretending to be him for... how long, now? ]
We'll figure it out-- We always do. [ Siiigh. ] Maybe you can look into the Men of Letters' records, see if there's anything about... I dunno, angel possession.
I know. [ Dean only got down to business--studying--when it was absolutely necessary. And they were running out of options. He thinks to suggest getting in touch with the Sheriff... but, after she almost died for them, too, he holds back. ]
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[ than us. ]
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Might not've been me, but it was my hand. Literally.
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[ it makes it mine. ]
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... You should've told me, Dean.
that sentence was worded weird .....editsssss
What - you think I didn't know that?
tenderly nuzzles
I just-- I know why you did it. But-- Angel possession?
[ You can see it in his face, he's thinking back to the last dick with wings that wore him to prom. Lucifer. ]
o dean u just can't win.
Well, we all know making deals with demons works out so great.
[ He really doesn't have any room to bitch, okay, he knows that, but he's gonna do it anyway. ]
I didn't have a lotta options, okay?
weeps
This doesn't have anything to do with demons. [ Hufffff. ] You should've just let it-- Let me die, Dean. I was done. Ready for it.
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[ And that - no. No, no no no. Dean's face goes blank, jaw clenched, not even able to look at him. ]
Well I wasn't.
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If I'd just finished the Trials, Kevin wouldn't be dead. And it would've saved other people, too. Who knows how many.
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If you'd done the trials, it would've killed you. Don't start playing the blame game with me, Sammy, I've got just as much ammo. If I'd done the trials then this wouldn't have happened, either. You wouldn't have ever - [ and the words choke in his throat, but he grits them out. ] - been possessed by an angel.
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[ Ready for it. After everything, just letting go had sounded so blissfully easy. But after what Dean had said? How could he? ]
It didn't work out that way. [ And his tone is softer, less accusatory, brows knit. ] ... We'll figure it out. Maybe I can still boot him out, somehow.
quietly renames dean's journal to "abandonmentissues"
[ Because that's the biggest thing he needs to know. Why the fuck was Sam ready to die, why was this suddenly okay, why couldn't he just come back and stay. It's his little goddamn brother, he's not supposed to bury him. He can't do that. ]
You can. Okay? If you can - if you can screw the Devil over you can do this.
are you trying to kill me
Because I'm not more important than getting rid of all the demons. Because-- Because we've done enough, haven't we?
[ It's almost desperate. But softly spoken, always. ]
... Maybe. [ That... He still isn't entirely sure how he stole back control from Lucifer. Well-- No. He's sure. Still. ] I'll do what I can.
maybe
The hell you aren't. And yeah. Yeah, man, we've given a helluva lot but -
[ But Dean can't just sit back. Can't just watch this happen, can't watch the world go 'round without stepping in when people are getting hurt, when everything's a shitfest they need to fix. ]
I know it ain't fair. Asking you to fix what I fucked up.
[ I'm sorry. ]
rood.
[ He's quiet, listening. And then sighs. ]
... You were doing what you thought was right. [ Saving your little brother. Sam can't really blame him for that, not if he'd have done the same. ]
always
[ Christ. Admittedly they're pretty selfish any time the other one is involved, but Dean isn't allowed that many things in his life. Sam is one of the few things he's got to hold onto and like hell he's letting go. ]
I - [ wait, he's. Agreeing. Okay, that's....well, it doesn't make him feel better but it does stop him in his tracks. ] ....Yeah.
♥
You're not fixing it by yourself. Alright? So...
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Don't see how since not-actually-Zeke just GTA'd your body for a joyride and Cas is -
[ Like an actual law abiding citizen or something, with a real job. Dean doesn't even know what the fuck to say there. ]
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We'll figure it out-- We always do. [ Siiigh. ] Maybe you can look into the Men of Letters' records, see if there's anything about... I dunno, angel possession.
[ Spoilers: there isn't. ]
Or who this guy is, if he's not Ezekiel.
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I'm gonna look. [ He'll flip through every fucking book until his fingers bleed. ]
I'm gonna fix this, Sammy.
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I know. [ Dean only got down to business--studying--when it was absolutely necessary. And they were running out of options. He thinks to suggest getting in touch with the Sheriff... but, after she almost died for them, too, he holds back. ]
Be careful. And I'll... See you soon.